Blogging about life in Minnesota, raising our six kids with Down syndrome while battling Breast Cancer.

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the devil says, "Oh shit! She's up!"

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Question for fellow adoptive parents

What do you do when the "talking back" is non-verbal and not something you could make them stop? I'll have to see if I can get it on video (probably can since Asher does it 100 times a day.) In a way it's good because he's expressing his opinion, but I'm about done with his opinion! LOL


Speechless said...

I can't wait to see the responses to this...I need suggestions too! K does a mix of this babble/gutteral scream/groan to express *his* opinion. There's a lovely foot stomp and/or biting motion that is sometimes added. I have given him the word/sign to say no, stop, all done in place of it, but evidently it's more fun to growl. I've been toying with the idea of time in/time out for bad attitude, but I think he could easily spend 75% of his day there.

Leah S. said...

Speechless: Yes, Axel had something similar to what K is doing. We DID do time outs for it, and it disappeared pretty quickly when we did. (We usually would choose one behavior to target. LOL) The key for Axel was NO "warnings". In other words, we didn't' tell him to stop, then wait to see if he did it again. Because for he who never had any limits, it just gave him license to do it again. Instead he'd do his thing, and we'd immediately move him to time out. It didn't take him long to figure it out. With Asher, I'm not 100% sure it's voluntary. Almost like it's a reflex because it's kind of a winky/blinky/wincy kind of thing. The general feel of it (most of the time) is that it's like backtalk. Other times it's closer to flinching like may in the orphanage something else happened. I'm going to try to catch it on video.

Speechless said...

K flinches also. He will do something he knows he isn't allowed to do and then duck and cover. It makes it hard to come up with a discipline that works when he comes out of his duck/cover grinning that he "won" by not getting hit. I have to admit that A's winky/blinkly/wincy thing sounds pretty cute. I'm sure it's not that adorable in person though. Just in case, you should definitely post a video asap ;)

lotsofsparks said...

I just stopped in to read updates on your new little guy and noticed your "delurker" post! I confess! I just love reading about your children-it is both humorous and inspiring. To this day, I can't help but smile when I think of the post about Angela feeling sorry that her friend didn't have DS and therefore was ineligible for DS camp...she is an absolute hoot!
Thank you for sharing your life. I marvel at these three and believe you are absolutely the perfect mom for them. I have a daughter taking a sign language class right now and I hope one day she will be able to use what she has learned to help children communicate with the world around them. I've found your posts about the signing with your boys absolutely fascinating and truly amazing.
Not an adoptive mom...I'm just one who prays over orphans and the families who the Lord has blessed with them. I have 8 of my own and I homeschool and I want my children always to be aware of what goes on in the world and keep their eyes off of themselves and on the things that break the heart of the Lord in hopes that one day I will welcome a grandchild brought home through the miracle of adoption. Then all the years of instilling this sensitivity in them will not have been in vain.
Laurie Sparks

abby said...

Since it's Asher, is it in line with his developmental age? I mean since he is still functioning at more of a toddler level is it more of a toddler thing? You know, that point in their lives when they want to be independent but don't have the words or the fine/gross motor skills yet to do so, so instead they just become really sassy?

I'm guessing you've tried this but have you done the ignore it and he gets attention for positive behaviors?

I would venture a guess that since his words/actions know get a reaction (positive and negative things he does) as opposed to while in the orphanage, they got no reaction, he's probably still trying to figure out the right way to get a reaction from you and the rest of the family.

Leah S. said...

Abby, you make a good point. Some things Asher does are very much developmentally appropriate. (so, very 2-ish) and then there are other things that are much higher, like some of his problem solving skills. But I think you're right, it could just be his version of, "No!" (emphasis on the nnnnnnn like a toddler would do. LOL) His new little thing is a foot stomp with it. It's ADORABLE since he almost knocks himself over when he does it. It's hard not to keep a straight face with him sometimes!

Karen said...

Leah, my 8 year old (with Ds) still does a great deal of non-verbal "talking back" since he communicates mostly with sign and pantomime. We encourage him to sign that he's frustrated, but we also tell him that sometimes we all have to do things we don't want and this is one of those times (not in so many words usually). We don't have to deal with the comprehension issues of being in a new country, though. I'm sure he is totally adorable with the foot stomp. ;) Good luck keeping your laughter to yourself.