More on Adoption Spotlight

Last week I posted about the blog "The Adoption Spotlight", and the use of one of my blog posts without permission. I filed a complaint with the blog's host, Wordpress and received a notice the post had been taken down. Today I received the following email, informing me I have 14 days to take legal action or my post will be put back up. I am posting the email in it's entirety, however I have blurred the contact information including mailing address, email address and phone number, however I have left the blog owner's name in place.

*** Edited to add*** The address given is to the Warsaw hotel in Moscow. I'm waiting for Wordpress to give me the ip address of the poster.

Spotlight on Adoptions?

A couple weeks ago a new blog showed up. "Adoption Spotlight" focus is pointing out issues with US agencies and organizations who are involved with international adoption. There is very little on the blog  that is actually written by the blog owner. Instead he or she lifts things from other people's blogs.

Several people have asked me if I'm behind the "Adoption Spotlight" blog. I can assure you I am not! I found the link to it on another blog reformtalk.net  (another blog I occasionally read but don't necessarily agree with!) I contacted administrators of Reformtalk and asked who gave them the link, since they posted it when it was brand new. They wouldn't tell me who sent it, and had no idea who was writing it.

The Adoption Spotlight blog has lifted a blog post I wrote regarding Serbian adoptions, and stated "it is something of a guest editorial." I was very irritated to find this, because 1) I would not have allowed someone to post something of mine without linking back to my blog or putting my name to it. 2) It was taken without my permission. 3) I don't like the tone or "vision" of this blog and would have never approved something of mine to be posted on it.

I have contacted Wordpress, the blog host, and notified them there is plagiarized material on the blog. Wordpress in turn sent me the copyright guidelines and told me what I need to do. I have notified the blog owner (through comments since there is no other way to contact them) that they MUST remove my post. Not only have my comments not been published, but the writer has refused to remove my post.

Having said that, it is pretty easy to go back and read through any of my blog posts and compare them to what is written on "Adoption Spotlight" and see the writing style is not anything close to mine. I may be an intelligent and educated person, but I tend to write the way I talk. Most who read here who know me in person say when the read my posts they can hear my voice. You won't hear my voice anywhere on "Adoption Spotlight" except in what has been stolen from me.

Kindergarten Field Day

When we remodeled our kitchen I managed to loose the battery for my good camera. I found it 10 minutes before I had to leave for Asher's first ever field day. 10 minutes was just enough charging time to allow me to capture some shots from the day. (and when I came home I discovered I've forgotten how to work my camera! UGH!)

You know, I started out the day with a horrible migraine. I was anxious to get the kids off to school so I could crawl back to bed, in the darkness, for a couple of hours before I'd be forced to function again. But as I put Asher on the bus I remembered it was Asher's field day. His first ever! He would never have another kindergarten field day. (ok, I forgot that yes he will because he's doing kindy again next year. LOL) The mom guilt got to me and I pulled myself together.

I'm so glad I didn't miss this day. When I thought back to meeting Asher that first time just 6 months ago, it was hard not to tear up. The other parents were cheering Asher on, and there were times I didn't think I'd be able to contain my tears. At the end of the day popsicles were distributed to all the kids. I said something about, "I don't think he's ever had one before. I know he hasn't with us." Of course the other parents wanted to know how he could be 7 years old yet never had a popsicle before? This lead to my telling his story. One of the moms asked me, "Doesn't that make you so sad to know his past?" 

"You know, we always keep in mind where certain behaviors come from, or that there are certain things he's never seen or done, but we're not 'sad'. We live in the here and now. Asher and Axel both need to move forward, and if we spent our lives being sad for them, none of us would move forward in helping them get their lives back."

I have a thing about not posting pictures of kids who don't belong to me, so all of the "fun" pictures are not portable on the blog. 

Hanging out, wonder why in the world we're sitting outside...on the g.r.a.s.s. (not something he's fond of.)

Clapping for himself after throwing the frisbee.

 Running the 50 yard dash...or in Asher's case the 25.

This is the face he makes when he's not happy that I've shown up at school. When Mom's at school you just can't get away with the same stuff!

Horse races! Asher loved this. This is his best friend at school. 

"Jumping" hurdles. He was laughing hysterically!

Shhh it's a secret!

No, I have no good secrets to tell, only my opinion of keeping certain secrets. Some secrets, when kept, cause more damage until the secret keeper can't contain themselves another minute. By that time, a lot of damage has already been done.

Lets say you hire an accountant to manage the finances of your business. You use this accountant for several years, only to find out they've been stealing money from you all along. What do you do about it? Do you keep it a secret, feeling guilty that your speaking up would put that person out of business? Or do you report the problems to the necessary authorities so others don't get screwed the same way?

Last fall, the very first day of school, we ran into problems with Angela's case manager at her school. These were SERIOUS problems with the case manager's inability to stay in compliance with Angela's IEP. The case manager was so grossly negligent in that area, it was impossible to believe she could be compliant with ANY IEP she was responsible for. Do you know what? I didn't feel like "fighting the fight". I was tired. I'd just had issues with Axel's school the spring before and I didn't feel like doing it again. The district was aware of the problem, surely I could trust they would eventually deal with it. In the meantime I begged Dean to move. I didn't want to deal with the problem now, only to have the same problem in a couple years when Axel goes to the same school. I wanted to run away from it; let someone else fight it. This is called "Burying your head in the sand." or "Turning tail".

Then a friend called me, "Leah, someone who walked this path before you cleared the way so that Angela could get what she needed in school. Now it's your turn. You have the ability to fight this. Please fight it for my kid who will be in the same school soon."

And so we stayed. I continued to press the district, and the case manager, to fix the problem. I did everything I could as a parent. Finally, in December while I was in Serbia for Asher's adoption, I received an email stating the case manager had been removed. A new teacher was hired, and everything was awesome again! And do you know what? I felt so much better about myself as a parent and an advocate for my kids. I didn't back down just because it was hard. And do you know what? The parents who's kids will come behind mine thanked me. The parents of kids who were in Axel's school the year before also thanked me for bringing to light things they had no idea were going on in their kids' classrooms.

Now lets talk about adoption agencies and related organizations. If you work with an adoption agency, only to find they have lied to you and cheated you out of money, would you continue to work with them? Would you report the problems to the necessary authorities?

During my adoption of Axel from Serbia, there were some major problems which were brought out of the darkness and into the light. I fully participated in the investigation in Serbia, even though my name in the adoption circles here was drug through the mud. Emails were forwarded to me (with headers intact) which were written by heads of organizations saying everything I'd said was false, that I was a pathological liar, and people should stay away from me. People were told Serbian adoptions had stopped because of me, and the fact those children were going to die without families would be on my shoulders, and "How do you feel NOW?" They were mean, nasty, and flat out slanderous. Still, I didn't back down. I spoke up PUBLICLY. Why? Because there are families coming behind us and I didn't want them taken advantage of the same way we were. The monetary damage (to the tune of $5,000) was already done. That didn't mean the families behind me should have to suffer the same damage. Funny, Serbian adoptions never stopped. Children have still come home (Asher included) and life in the world of Serbian adoptions has continued regardless of all the awful things that were said about me.

So what about you and your situation? Do you say nothing because you worry that if you speak up, kids won't' find homes?  Do you realize those who came BEFORE you are the reason you're having problems now? If they had spoken up PUBLICLY, you would have found their words while doing your own research. But they didn't, so you didn't, and now hear you sit, angry and upset because you've been wronged by some organization or agency. Well, what are YOU doing to do about it so those coming BEHIND you don't suffer the same fate? Will you speak up PUBLICLY? Or will you hide in the shadows like those who came before you?