Two Years Ago

With the tragedy that happened in Newtown CT I missed posting about Axel's 2 year anniversary with us.

Adopting a 10 year old child into your home, particularly a child who has spent the majority of his life living behind the walls of a Serbian mental institution, and throwing in Down syndrome for some added excitement, is not an easy task. Dean and I felt we were up to the challenge.

Axel was, for lack of a better description, a feral child when I took custody of him on December 9th 2010. It was a very rough day. Oh yes it was! Because this was my first adoption, I only only had half a clue what was going on. But, because of the most amazing training Dean and I have received from the behavioral staff from Courage Center, I had enough tools in my behavioral arsenal to effectively deal with what was happening. I was also very quick to discover Axel's love language: touch. I paid very close attention to the kinds of sensory input he was seeking, as well as what he chose that caused  him to become overstimulated. (this is behavioral code for "wound like a top!") Always in my mind was the fact I had only a few days to get his behavior manageable enough to be dragging him through airports and sitting on planes for 20 hours.

We did finally get home on December 15th, 2010. We said goodbye to that feral little boy soon after getting him home and he has continued to grow and mature into the happy, content 12 year old he is today.

So what's he doing now? Well, he's reading many sight words, he's become even more fluent in ASL and he's doing fantastic in school behaviorally. (many will remember that his 2nd day of school one year ago his teacher went home with a black eye!) So far this year he has only had one day in which I needed to get involved. Mostly he just needed a reminder that the rules still apply!

Axel has learned to participate in Special Olympics and he's working on learning to swim. Although he absolutely LOVES the water, just entering the pool causes extreme sensory overload for him - his response is manic laughter and splashing. It's not cute, it's at a manic level. But it's getting better and I'm hopeful by spring he's able to swim on his own.

Axel is a wonderful brother to both Angela and Asher. He can often be found helping one of them with a task they're not able to do but he has mastered, like zipping jackets or tying shoes. His play is becoming more and more appropriate and he enjoyed taking over teaching Asher how to play with toys.

We can't imagine not having Axel in our family. It's clear he was part of our destiny. Every day with him is a blessing and we're so thankful God chose us to be  his parents. 

Two years ago...

Two years ago today, I put on a brave face and walked into Axel's foster home. His foster mother was not there that day. I know it was because she couldn't stand to be there when he left.

We played for just a few minutes when someone asked if we were ready. I removed the clothes I'd brought from the bag and handed them to one of the family members. As she dressed Axel she wiped tears off her cheek.

While I was having a hard time with the emotions behind all of this, I was also taking mental notes of Axel's behavior. All the times he kicked her, pulled her hair, spit at her. Behavior that I hadn't seen during the previous two visits. I also noted that nobody seemed surprised by his behavior, nor did anyone tell him to stop. I was starting to worry just a tiny bit!

At 10 years old Axel was drowning in the size 6 pants that were 5 inches too long! For weeks I had imagined him in the brand new jacket I brought along and now the time was finally here!  I handed it over. He was SO excited about all the new clothes! You could see he felt very grown up.

It was time to go. It was all I could do to hold myself together. Axel walked out the door ahead of me, holding the hand of his foster father. Someone  had told him he was going for a ride in the car and he was very excited. He was getting into a car with a woman who talked crazy talk gibberish (which must have been what English sounded like to him!) He had no idea...no idea I was taking him away forever.

The rest of that day was very difficult. Very. Difficult. You can read about it here. 

Two years ago...

Two years ago today I was in the middle of a visit with Axel's foster home. It was my second visit. Here is what I wrote that day:

This morning my facilitator and I walked around the city center for quite some time. I have no clue why I didn't bring my camera. It's a darling area of town! Many many shops, and an area of "no traffic zone" which is kind of like the Nicollet Mall area for those from the Twin Cities. 

When we were done, it was time to go see Axel. I put some different toys in my bag for today, trying to keep things interesting you know! The first toy I brought out was a matchbox motorcycle. Axel and I played with that together with yesterday's cars.

Then his foster mother brought out some pictures from his 9th birthday a year ago. As she did so, I realized just how perfect my gift for them was! They do not have a camera of their own, and the few pictures they have are cherished! The pictures she showed me were the same ones she showed me back in April. There were only a couple of new ones. The gift I got for them was a new digital camera, along with a small tripod, case, and extra memory card. Axel's foster mother was THRILLED! I told her I knew they would want to take pictures of him before he leaves. And, while on our walk earlier I'd spotted a place where they can bring the memory card to have prints made.
Next I brought out the talking photo album. Axel was delighted with it, and his social worker and case manager were intrigued by it! My facilitator, after seeing him play with the iPad yesterday, and this photo album today, said, "You have the most interesting gadgets for him. I love it!"
I saved the toy I somehow knew would be is favorite. I'll be keeping this set aside for moments of desperation in airports, etc! Of course, the toy found in the dollar bin at Walmart is the favorite, right?

He played with this for quite some time. (I'll have to find batteries before we get on that plane! LOL) and showed everyone. In this picture he's sitting with his social workers, and suddenly looked over at his foster mother. I am oblivious, because they're speaking in another language. It wasn't until later I understood the significance of this picture. Someone in the room has just started talking about Axel going home with me.

Still unknown to me what the topic of conversation is, Axel moved to the lap of his foster mother. When I saw her start to tear up, I knew without anyone having to tell me, they were discussing Axel leaving. It is clear that his foster parents care for him very much, and will be sad to let him go.

Just then, I am asked, "Do you think you will be ok with taking him tomorrow?"
Tomorrow! Tomorrow I will take custody of Axel! Just two visits and I am his mother. Yes, I am ready to take him tomorrow, but is his foster mother ready? Is Axel ready? There is a quick conversation about weather or not I need any clothes for him (I have everything he needs, just need to make sure it all fits, but I'm confident I was at least very close in sizing!) I said no, I think I have everything, when I saw the foster mother's face look disappointed. "Unless he has something, like a favorite shirt? I bet he would like if you send that!" I said.

Please pray for me tonight when you go to bed. While you are dreaming of sugar plums, I will be trying to hold myself together so I do not turn into a puddle of tears! Axel is very sensitive to the emotions of others, and it will not be good for him to see both his foster mother and I crying! Oh Lord, please PLEASE give me more strength than you ever have before!!! I thought adopting was hard, but taking Axel away from the people he clearly loves is going to be the most difficult step!!!

Although I will take custody of Axel tomorrow, there is much to be done. I will still be here in this city until approximately Wednesday or Thursday of next week.

Two years ago

Two years ago I boarded a plane for Serbia. (there were a lot of trips to Serbia over the last couple of years, and two of them happened in Nov/Dec. LOL) I was on my way to meet Djorjde for the 2nd time!

The first time we met, April 2010

Axel Language Update

Last week I was looking at milestones where Axel is, and where he's not. You know what? I could CARE LESS about where he's not, because he's gained SO MUCH in the 7 months he's been part of our family. So lets take a look together, shall we?

When Axel came home to us, his language level was somewhere below 12 months. He'd never been given a way to communicate. I took custody of him on December 3rd, Just one day later on December 4th, he had figured out that these movements had meaning, and got  him stuff!  He was now imitating EVERYTHING I did, including things like scratching my nose.  You know, it might be something important I was saying! By December 6th he had 11 signs he was using on his own.

Needless to say, we've had a lot of fun watching Axel FLY through language milestones! He has gained approximately 18-36 months (his skills are scattered all over the place!) of language skills in just 7 months home. Here is typical language development for a 12-24 month old:

• Produces considerable "jargon": puts words and sounds together into speech-like (inflected) patterns. Axel jabbers A LOT! Right now we get lots of " jdgsht skdgvguset wopstey....Kay?" Always with lots of inflection. Listening to him pretend to read is a riot. 
• Holophrastic speech: uses one word to convey an entire thought; meaning depends on the inflection ("me" may be used to request more cookies or a desire to feed self). Later; produces two-word phrases to express a complete thought (telegraphic speech): "More cookie," "Daddy bye-bye." Axel is solidly at this place in his expressive communication. Now we're pushing him to give us 3-word phrases. Instead of just singing "play", we make him sign things like, "I want play". 
• Follows simple directions, "Give Daddy the cup." Oh, Axel is able to follow any directions we give him as long as he understands the english word. For awhile he could only understand common phrases such as "Put your pajamas on." which is very typical for an English Language Learner. Now he can understand directions he's never heard before: "Axel, go get your sunglasses, then go to the car."
• When asked, will point to familiar persons, animals, and toys. He's started doing this on his own now, as if to show me, "I know what all this stuff is called now!"
• Identifies three body parts if someone names them: "Show me your nose (toe, ear)." He still sometimes mixes up "eyes" and "nose", but he can otherwise identify his ears, eyes, nose, neck, mouth, cheek, chin, hair, head, hand, fingers, foot, toes, arm, leg. Pretty good for being new to English!
• Indicates a few desired objects and activities by name: "Bye-bye," "cookie"; verbal request is often accompanied by an insistent gesture. Axel requests certain music daily. Always "Signing Time" of course, but he can request the CD's by name, (he calls them by the picture of whatever Rachel is signing on the front of the case. LOL) He can request to watch T.V. or to go outside. Funny thing though, he thinks "outside" means the back yard, so yesterday when he was outside with me he kept signing "outside" and pointing to the back yard. LOL
• Responds to simple questions with "yes" or "no" and appropriate head movement. Axel is just starting to do this, and it's not a firmly acquired skill yet. He will mostly just answer "yes". Having choices is something totally new to him so he's still learning that he CAN say no to something. 
• Speech is 25 to 50 percent intelligible during this period. Axel's speech is largely unintelligible. His communication is ALL in sign. He has about 20 words he can actually say, but many of them are only understandable to those who know him. I would say his sign vocabulary is somewhere around 1,000 signs. That means his vocabulary is growing by approximately 4-5 signs per day! Right now I'm *really* pushing for sign clarity (correct, fully formed handshapes, placements and movements) as he has a tendency to be lazy with his signing, or to only sign one-handed even when he has both hands available to him. (I think this is just him playing with how signing works, because he sees me sign one-handed if my hands are full, etc.)  He'll be going to a new class in September, and he's going to learn real quick that people are going to expect him to sign correctly. 
• Locates familiar objects on request (if child knows location of objects). Oh, we are well beyond this, as long as he knows the NAME of the object. Sometimes he has a toy that I haven't given him a sign for yet, etc. then he's kind of stuck. 
• Acquires and uses five to fifty words; typically these are words that refer to animals, food, and toys. As I mentioned above, Axel is far beyond this number. He's somewhere around 1,000 signs. 
• Uses gestures, such as pointing or pulling, to direct adult attention. Axel is pretty good at trying to get Dean to understand him. (Dean is just learning to sign, and Axel has long since bypassed him.)  Axel IS starting to express more frustration in his tone of voice and gestures when Dean isn't understanding him. This is where a communication device will come in handy, and I've now started working with him more on how to use the Proloquo2go program on the iPad.
• Enjoys rhymes and songs; tries to join in. Axel totally loves this activity, something he clearly missed out on. 
• Seems aware of reciprocal (back and forth) aspects of conversational exchanges; some turn-taking in other kinds of vocal exchanges, such as making and imitating sounds. Axel totally gets this now! Sometimes he needs to be reminded to wait his turn, which is not unusual. LOL

Four Months Ago

For those of you who don't follow our adoption blog, I have an Axel update on there. He's home four months today! You can read it here.

Adoption transitions

My bloggy friend Jennifer asked a good question. I started to answer in the comments, but decided to just make a blog post out of it. Because I can! LOL

Jennifer asked, "Do you attribute these behaviors to DS or typical newbie home issues? Just curious."

Jennifer, this is TOTALLY adoption/transition related issues. Here's what I think: On his first day alone at school, Axel had no idea if THIS was his "new place". Where he'd be staying. Not until he came home on the bus again and again did he understand that this was just part of his day, not yet another new home.

Axel really needed the lines drawn in the sand for him there. "You can do this. You CANNOT do this."

He had SO many new experiences and expectations put upon him.  He'd never had to sit in a group and listen to a teacher before.

He'd never had to sit at a table with a group of children he didn't know and do the same activity they were doing.

He'd never had to walk in a line.

He'd never had to follow the directions of a phy ed. teacher.

He'd never had to eat lunch with 200 very noisy elementary students, finish quickly, get dressed and get outside for recess.

He'd never had to be on a playground with so many children at once....and follow RULES...which were never explained to him nor would he understand.

He'd never had to do ANY of  those things before.

So, this was his way of asking, "What AM I allowed to do here?" He also got to learn that Mama and Papa are connected to school even when he can't see us. Sometimes Mama just appears around a corner when you happen to be acting up! Ultimately, he is accountable for his behavior and Mama and Papa are who he'll have to answer to later on.

I AM very glad that I got to go along with him those first two days. Staff was able to see what he is CAPABLE. That when he choose to be horrible, it was exactly that...a choice. Axel KNOWS how to behave and follow rules, as long as he knows what those rules are.

I expected that after a weekend, today would be like starting all over for him and I'd be getting a phone call. Nope. I got Nuthin! I can only ASSUME he had a good day because even though I'm putting a communication notebook in his bag, nobody wrote in it. (I'm a tad irritated with this. This is VITAL for continuing language growth! I can't ask him about his day because he can't tell me anything...but if I have *some* information to go on, I can ask leading questions. For example, if his teacher writes that today they learned about rain, I could ask him, "Did you talk about rain today?"

I wish I could put my feelings about this placement into writing. Well, I have once, but it was to the special ed coordinator and ended up printing out to 3 single spaced pages long! (ouch!) I'm now "that mom" that staff is talking about, I'm sure! It is flat out the wrong placement for him. Period. And I'm trying to do something about it, but it's not happening fast enough for me.

Transition update

I decided it's about time to write a post about how the transition is going in general. So lets talk about the areas that are issues, shall we?

Axel is 10, and pretty set in his ways how he does stuff, and not all of those ways are in sync with our house. Most of them have to do with doing whatever the heck he wants, but laughing while he's doing it because surely that laugh is cute and we will let him get by with whatever. Ummm....no. I learned what "the laugh" meant very quickly. Oh, it's an ADORABLE laugh. If you didn't know him you'd think I was the meanest mom in the world when I quickly put a stop to the laugh. That's because you don't know what comes AFTER the laugh! I rarely get "the laugh" anymore, but Dean gets it quite a bit if I leave the house, or he gets brave enough to take Axel out in public.

Yes, I said brave enough. Axel can be quite the little pill when Dean takes him out. Go back and read this post, written after the first day I had Axel. He's not QUITE this naughty for Dean. He's not pulling hair or glasses, but he's not all that far off. Dean hasn't had many opportunities to get out in public with Axel alone to break some of this behavior, but believe me, it's getting arranged now!  He's getting better, and really he doesn't have that far to go. It's just a matter of Dean taking the time to work on it. With me Axel is fantastic about 98% of the time, but I expect that to change a little when he starts school. I expect to see some regression at that point.

When Axel starts school we're going to have to have a behavioral plan as part of his IEP from the beginning, because when we did his assessments last week it was easy to see how quickly he can escalate into total naughtiness! And yes, they are going to be warned about "the laugh"!

There are certain habits Axel has that many 10 year old BOYS have, that...well...when they're done in public places...like the living room...are not really welcome at all! It's clear this is a well established habit, because there is a whole "set up" routine that goes along with it. It took me about 2 days in Serbia to realize exactly what was going on. (Something about his eyes glazing over that gave it away!) I don't know if his foster family just didn't realize what he was actually doing at this time, or if they just chose to not say anything about it. Well, that doesn't fly here very well. There is a time and a place for that, and it's NOT in my living room! This week in particular I've noticed a dramatic decrease in this behavior. THANK YOU GOD!

We are not having any toileting issues anymore. Well, what we had was only minimal to begin with, and really just had to do with Axel wanting control over the situation. Once he realized he didn't have it, that problem went away. He does lie that he has gone to the bathroom when he's sent in. Fortunately he hasn't yet figured out that there is visible evidence in the toilet if he's gone. LOL And, now that we know what his guilty face looks like, it's easy to know when he's done (or not done) something he's supposed to. Even so, I would put this in the category of very age-typical behavior because he does it when he knows after he goes to the bathroom there is a fun thing coming up, like going somewhere in the car.

Like brothers around the world, Axel waits until I'm out of sight to pester his sister. She responds very well to him ("I'm gonna move away Axel!", or "I'm not gonna play with you Axel!" he pushes her too far and she just leaves the area. One of these days he's going to discover what happens when you go to far in pestering someone who is twice your size! But, since he is still new to the family, it's very rare that they're together out of my sight except for times like this morning when I ran out to start the car. As soon as I came back in the door I heard "the laugh" and Angela telling him to stop touching the computer. LOL

So how is Dean doing? I don't know. I'm going to let Dean respond for himself in his blog. (umm...Hello Dean? Did you forget you have a blog?)

How am I doing?

Exactly one month before I left to get Axel, I wrote this post. I have had to go back and re-read that post a time or two to refresh my memory how this all works, and that I'm not crazy. Parenting a child who you do not have a biological connection to is not difficult. It's the "having patience" part that is tough. Patience to wait out those things that are annoying but not truly issues, and acceptance of some things that cannot be changed. Sometimes determining which is which is the hardest part. But we're coming along, and I can honestly say I love this child.

I've found that my expectations for Axel are higher than they are for Angela for some things. It is very hard for me to see that Axel is going to very quickly bypass Angela. In fact, he already has in many areas. It is very hard to not compare them. They are SO different from each other in what motivates them to succeed. They are so different in the rate that they learn. (Axel learned to zip his jacket last weekend after spending 10 minutes showing him. Angela has been working on this for SIX YEARS) This difference has been a push for Angela, making her want to do things independently that she hasn't been able to, or hasn't wanted to until now (like fold all her laundry and put it away) Funny, that's exactly why I wanted one more baby after I had Angela. Funny, God knew we needed to wait and have Axel here instead!

Dean and I are having to make some adjustments that we knew about before we brought Axel home. We were used to having every-other weekend to ourselves when Angela went to her dads. That is gone now. We are now like every other parent who doesn't get a break. We need to find a couple sitters who are willing to come to the house for both kids, or maybe after Axel is in bed for the night since he NEVER EVER EVER gets out of bed once he's in there. (this is one welcomed left-over orphanage behavior!)

All in all, Axel is a very typical little boy. The behavior we're seeing here is VERY typical behavior for a child his age. And when you take into consideration his very typical behavior....well...Axel is a pretty easy kid! He is very easy to redirect, and he responds quickly to redirection. He is soaking up the world as fast as we can expose him to it, and ALL of us are loving watching him experience it.  Life with Axel is good.

International Adoption Clinic

Yesterday Axel had an appointment at the University of Minnesota International Adoption Clinic.

FUN! No...really....it was very interesting!

First of all, it's in the Pediatric Specialty Clinic at at the U of M. I have been there plenty of times with Angela, particularly in the last 18 months as her local GI Dr. is there. (Angela has Cricopharyngeal Achalasia ) We have NEVER been treated quite the way we were yesterday. The nurse coordinator came out to the waiting room to introduce herself, and to let us know someone would be out for us in just a minute, and "sorry for the long wait". Umm...we'd been there all of 5 minutes!

Let me back up a bit. She called me two days before to see if I had any specific questions for them. Actually, I did. "Could you get us a referral to peds. cardiology so we can get his echo done ASAP, and...even more important...can you get him into radiology for his AAI screening? We need that done right away before he can be sedated or put under anesthesia, and Special Olympics, and cardiology he needs to be cleared before he can have dental work done." The nurse practitioner wasn't familiar with AAI, and they don't have a lot of kids with DS who come through, and the ones who do are MUCH younger (usually too young for the screening) I had her call down to the U of M DS clinic to specifically ask how to order the xrays, and where to send us that is familiar with doing them.

So back to the waiting room....

Not two minutes later Axel's name was called. First we saw the OT. (Occupational Therapist for those new to the lingo in the disability world.) This is not just any OT. She is an OT the specializes in working with kids who've come from environments causing severe sensory deprivation, such as orphanages and institutions. She did a quick assessment, but not super in depth only because I'd already done many things at home with Axel and gave her my input.

Still, it was interesting to hear what she had to say about those things, particularly the fact that at 10 Axel has not yet developed handedness. (ie, preference for left or right hand dominance) I have been just trying to figure out which side seems stronger to me, and encouraging him to use that side. She told me to wait. (ok, she practically begged.) Because he hasn't had exposure to large or fine motor experiences, 1) he hasn't had a chance to build enough strength and 2) his brain hasn't yet determined dominance. Well DUH! That makes a lot of sense! She gave me lots of suggestions on things to do at home to encourage him to use BOTH sides, particularly crossing midline since that's an issue for him. The difficulty will be with school and encouraging THEM to not force him to pick a side.

That done, the resident Dr. came in and took what little health history we had. Really...it's very little. I know he had an echo at birth and it was clear. (which means nothing in the world of DS. Angela's was clear too, and at 12 weeks old was discovered to have a HUGE ASD!) I know that he hasn't had any vaccines since he was a year old to 18 months old. I know that his foster family has never had to take him to the doctor. He DOES have a small scar on his belly that looks surgical, is exactly at midline and runs vertical. It is only about an inch long. NO CLUE what it is! It reminds me of a scar from a laparoscopic procedure.

Then THE Dr. came in. Her name is Dr. Kang, and I really liked her. (and I am choosy about my doctors, since we see so many of them!) Axel went right up to her to show her what he'd drawn with the OT, and she was very quick to bring him back over to Dean saying, "Lets bring it to Papa. Papa? Is it OK if I look at Axel's drawing?"

In other words, she was encouraging him to NOT just go to everyone, and that EVERYTHING needs to go through mom and dad. This is a bonding issue, and is HUGE! So many kids with DS will go up to anyone for hugs, etc. (if your child is 2 and doing this, please discourage it. It is a very difficult habit to stop and is NOT cute when they're 6 or 7 in school! Been there/done that with Angela, STILL WORKING ON IT at 14!) Between the tendency that so many kids with DS have, plus the un-attachment to specific people that Axel has, we have our work cut out for us. The good thing is, he DOES look to US for approval for things. When someone is obviously talking to him, he looks to us in a "checking in" sort of way. Some of that could be because we're his only source of communication right now, but it also has to do with the fact that we're his security. This is a good thing. She did give us some other suggestions to do to encourage bonding and discourage indiscriminate interactions with others, stuff that Dean and I knew, but we really need to be more insistent on it with family and friends.

Then she did the physical exam, not finding anything that was surprising to me. She also pointed stuff out to the resident (like his rotting teeth) so she could see things that are common to children who have been institutionalized.

Next it was time for blood work. Dean came along just for this! LOL Well, ok he wanted to be part of the whole thing, but I was worried about having to hold Axel for the blood draw so Dean came along to help with that. They took 12 vials of blood! They test for just about every parasite under the sun, particularly those known to exist in the country he came from. They also test vitamin levels (particularly Vitamin D) looking for deficiencies common to orphans. And then there are the titer tests to determine which vaccines he has/has not had. Axel does have chicken pox scars on his face, and he has a small pox vaccine scar on his arm so those should be clear. Axel did VERY well for the blood draw, as well as the TB puncture. He wasn't thrilled, but it wasn't like battling the spider monkey like at the dentist. I think that was only because he had no idea what was coming!

From there we went to Peds Radiology for his neck xrays for AAI. He was very good for those as well, and it took longer to get the paperwork done than it did to do the xray series.

We left with referrals to peds. cardiology and ophthalmology. Having the clinic get these appointments set up means getting into the other specialists MUCH faster than if I set it up on my own! He'll be seeing both of them at the end of this month, plus the ENT next week. That means we can get all necessary specialists in so we can coordinate the ones who will need to do work under sedation when he has his dental work done.

So, we're moving right along! The upcoming medical appointments, combined with school assessment means the month of January and early February are going to be very busy!

Cooking for Axel

Last night Angela was reading to Axel, and today she decided to make him lunch. She sure is loving being the big sister!

The Big Sister

Axel, I don't like this show. It's boring.

No really Axel, this is VERY boring!

Axel, see this book? We're going to read it.

I'm gonna turn the pages, and you're gonna listen. That's your job.

Are you listening Axel?

There! Now wasn't that a good book?

Too much of a good thing?

Every day people email me or post comments on my blog asking how Axel's transition into the family is going and how Angela is doing.

Is it possible for it to be going "too well"?

The first day I had custody of Axel was rough. I was expecting the worst, so I wasn't surprised. That said, it doesn't really matter how well you prepare yourself, when it comes down to it you have NO CLUE what each child is capable of dishing out until you finally have them in your care. What surprised me about Axel was that he didn't cry or act upset. HE LAUGHED. He laughed as he pulled my hair, and he laughed as he threw my glasses. He just laughed.

It took a few days of him testing the my limits, but each day was better than the one before. By the time our travel date rolled around, he was perfect 90% of the time. The other 10% were very typical, developmentally appropriate issue to deal with, that I would expect to see from any child stuck with a new mother he couldn't understand.

I warned Dean that when we got home Axel would start testing the limits all over again with him, and he did. Those issues are also mostly gone.

Our days have progressed to having two kids home, (Angela is out of school for Christmas break) listening to them play together, then shifting them to a different activity when they start getting carried away, working with Axel on some of the million learning things he's missed out on, and getting them both out in the world to experience it.

This transition has gone so well thus far, that it has be worried about what I can't see. Like there is something waiting around the corner. I know I shouldn't throw stuff like this out there in the universe, but I can't deny that I have these thoughts going through my head once in awhile. I mean...this has been too easy so far.

Next week we have several doctor visits lined up. (PLEASE PRAY we hear about his insurance by Friday, otherwise we'll be paying for all these visits out of pocket, and we don't have that much to cover all of them right now.) Monday we have an appointment for Angela, Tuesday both Angela and Axel will be seeing the dentist, and Weds we'll be going to the International Adoption Clinic. Sometime during the week I'll be hearing from the school district about what day they want to start his assessments which have to be done before he can start school. I can't wait to get these done, as they'll give us a baseline to compare to a few months from now.

Angela has been adjusting very well. We arrived home on Weds, 12/16. The next day I gave Angela the choice of going to school or staying home with us. She chose school, but by mid morning it had proven to be too much for her. She asked he teacher to call me, and we were able to talk her into staying for the rest of the day. The next week, on the last day before Christmas break, she couldn't hold it together. Her teacher had gone home unexpectedly so there was a sub for her along with subs for some of the aids. It was Christmas mayhem at school, and there was a new brother at home. School called me at 10:30 to tell me they were seeing behaviors they hadn't seen in well over a year. It was time to bring my girl home to just hang out with her brother.

She has done great since then. We had a minor incident yesterday but other than that they've been great. Angela makes it clear when she needs some attention, and we oblige her with that, while also trying to notice other things she's doing BEFORE she feels the need to ask for attention. I think the newness of Axel is wearing off and when school starts up again next week Angela will be ready to go back to her normal routine.

So...is it possible for things to be "too well"?

You can't have him!

He makes his bed....

He folds laundry....

He puts his toys away.....

AND HE DOES HAIR!

Notice the clip in his mouth? That's the sign of a TRUE professional!

About Those Teeth

I think I mentioned on my other blog that Axel's teeth are a mess, which is putting it gently. Thankfully he'll be going the the dentist the first week of January. (Please pray his insurance is in place by then! There was a small glitch in paperwork.)

When I first got custody of Axel, he LOVED the vibrating/spinning toothbrush, but I couldn't really get in there to actually see the condition of his teeth. By about the 3rd or 4th day I could see that what I thought were missing teeth in front were actually teeth that had broken off. I still can't brush his teeth very effectively, but I can at least get into his mouth. Although he does not not act like he's in any pain, when I brush his teeth his mouth bleeds like I've severed an artery. But I understand the pain tolerance thing, because Angela is the same way. Her neurologist says that kids with DS are lacking pain receptors, given them a very high pain tolerance.

Tonight we were playing a game of "open wide!", and I used the camera to show him what it looks like when he does. He thought this was lots of fun, and I realized I could get some good pictures of his teeth! (sorry, these were taken before he brushed his teeth for the night.) Remember you can click on any pictures to make them bigger.

First, we got a cute smile. Not quite "open wide" though.

then he helped me out a little bit. Check out the tooth on the bottom left.

Check out the rotten bottom left tooth and major gum deterioration on the bottom right.

His top teeth are the worst, as far as I can see at this point. Where the teeth are missing, there are actually pieces of the old broken tooth still stuck in the gums. You can see that the next tooth back on both sides is broken off and completely rotted. Who knows what the tooth behind that looks like.

I can't see to the back of his mouth to see what he has for permanent molars. I don't think he's gotten his 12 year molars in yet. Most kids get them around 10 or so, but kids with DS often get them late. Angela didn't get hers until she was 13.

I know of a couple kids who've come from Eastern Europe and came home needing some, or all of their teeth pulled, but they've been baby teeth. I don't know what happens when they have to remove permanent teeth this young. Do they put implants in? Does anyone know???

Dean and I have said several times, Axel is our warm up as far as adopting older children go. We know that Ianna's teeth are going to be in MUCH worse condition.

What I don't get is why these kids are not provided with basic preventative dental care. Axel had been in a foster home for 2 1/2 years, and I know the family took good care of him. I think most of this damage was done before he was moved to the foster home, while he was still in the institution. And, maybe the dental care just wasn't made available to foster family to access for him. Whatever the reason, it's going to be awful oral surgery for him. So unfair to have to put a child through that.

Venting

Today Dean went back to work, so I'm going to vent a bit. Because it's my blog and I can.

When I went to Serbia and Bulgaria back in April I was gone for three weeks. During that time not ONE stitch of laundry was done. NOT ONE! Dean promised that would not happen this time. HE PROMISED.

Before I left, I had every stitch of laundry done and put away. Putting away is easy in our house, because mine and Dean's stays in the laundry room (we have shelves in there for our clean laundry.) Angela's is right around the corner in her room, and all her shelves are labeled so it's easy to see what goes where. VERY simple!

While I was on this trip to get Axel, I mentioned laundry, and Dean assured me it was getting done, that I would not come home to a mountain of laundry. And, where I was staying had a washer/dryer so our suitcase was coming home full of clean laundry.

I should know by now, after 8 years, that Dean does not keep his promises. He did three whole loads of laundry while I was gone for 2 1/2 weeks.

And Axel and I just finished putting them away.

I love my Dean, and Angela was well taken care of while I was gone. But he also had his son and his girlfriend here many days to help out with Angela. Still, there is a mountain of laundry from two people wearing clothes for 2 1/2 weeks.

In a few months I'll go to get Ianna, and there will be three of them here. Shudder!

We really are still alive!

Totally boring blog post alert.

It has been insanely busy around here. In just eight days (only 8 more days!!!) I will board a plane for Eastern Europe to go get our new son, Axel! Just typing that cause 5 more hairs to fall of my head. Needless to say, there has been much preparation involved, and as my travel date gets closer, plus throwing Thanksgiving into the mix, I'm having a hard time not freaking out. Dean and Angela are thankful that my state of panic has been mostly internal!

The other night I was frantically trying to do SOMETHING about our laundry room. Its a big word...called "O.R.G.A.N.I.Z.A.T.I.O.N". (really...not so much organizing, as just getting the laundry caught up.) This needs to happen before I leave the country so Dean doesn't have to think about anything. Also, because the last time I came home, I discovered in the three weeks I was gone not one stitch of laundry had been done. Ummm Angela has A LOT of shirts, but she does not have that many pairs of pants! I shudder when I think how many times she wore various pairs, and what was on them! Blech. Well, that can't happen this time, because part of my organizing was making sure all of Angela's laundry was washed and put away, (I don't have to go far! LOL) AND I got rid of 2 bags of clothes! She still has lots of shirts (though she pointed out to me there is a noticeable lack of stripes.) but only 4 or 5 pairs of pants, and some of those don't fit right or she doesn't like them. (she has just lost a lot of weight, and I'm still trying to find the right size/fit for her new shape.)

Anyway, while I was working on that, Dean and Angela were upstairs doing Dean and Angela things. Angela likes to close herself into the guest bedroom where the closet doors are mirrored. iPod in hand she will stand in front of the mirror to give "concerts". On her way down the hall to that room, she stopped in front of Axel's room. She froze in the door way. "Dean! DEAN! C'mere! You gotta see this!"

Dean went to see what the fuss was about. "Look Dean! Axel's room! There is a bed, and a dresser, and blankets, and pillows, and clothes!" She went to the clothes, which are folded on the bed waiting to be packed for the trip, and picked up a hooded sweatshirt. She held it up in front of her. "Look at Axel's shirt Dean!"

Umm...Axel's room has been done for over a week, and Angela has walked past it every day, but clearly she was just now *really* seeing it for the first time. She looked at Axel's new shoes, and his pj's that she helped pick out several weeks ago. Ignoring Dean, she walked out the door past him and returned with her iPad, and gently closed the door in Dean's face.

Ummm...Angela has a new favorite room.

Awhile later, after Dean told me the story, I poked my head in. She hadn't heard me open the door. There she sat on the floor with the iPad in her lap, watching a Signing Time app. "Whatcya do'in?" I asked.

"Practicing signs for Axel. When Axel comes home I'm the big sister. My job is help him learn signs. Go away please. I'm busy here."

Oh, life is gonna get interesting around here.

Oh, giddy!

(edited to add: Well this was supposed to be on my adoption blog. Oops. I'm gonna leave it here anyway, for those who wonder just what is involved in the international adoption process. It's definitely a labor of love!) It seems it doesn't take much to make my knees shake these days. Todays episode was brought to me courtesy of the Department of Homeland Security in the form of our fingerprint appointment letter.

Our appointment isn't scheduled until November 17th, but this is international adoption we're talking about, and it comes with it's own set of rules.

You see, this appointment was scheduled by the Immigration Dept. adoptions division in Missouri, and they don't really know the calendar for the St. Paul office. So we'll take our tickets to the office ourselves and ask for a different appointment. Sometimes they will get you in later that same day, or perhaps the next, but there is no need to wait until the date set by the main office, which is weeks away.

Once the biometric fingerprints are done, they are sent back to the Immigration Dept's main office, who will have them within 24-48 hours. Then we wait for their approval. That is our golden ticket! A copy of that golden ticket is sent to the US Embassy in Axel's country, telling them we have permission to bring him back to the US, and allows them to issue his passport!

Holy buckets!

Did you know our family is growing? Yup! We're going to multiply our 21st chromosomes even more! Go have a look at our adoption blog. His name is Axel, and he's adorable!