Blogging about life in Minnesota, raising our six kids with Down syndrome while battling Breast Cancer.

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the devil says, "Oh shit! She's up!"

Friday, March 13, 2009

He's just not that into you

Sadly, someday, that might be something Angela will come to realize about her dad. This INFURIATES me to no end, and yet, it really shouldn't surprise me. 

When our boys were little, and into all their little boy sports, he was "too busy" to come to any of their games or meets. When he did he had nothing but criticism for how the did/didn't perform. None of that "Hey, you tried your best!" for him. No, none of that. 

So Angela has a big swim meet on Sunday, and scheduling has become an issue. Mostly because....gasp...the meet falls on her dad's weekend. Yeah, like I can tell the state of MN special olympics committee, "Um....excuse me, but that date won't work for us, because she's supposed to be with her dad that weekend."

Ok, the solution is simple, HE can get her to the meet, and WATCH IT, and CHEER HER ON, right? What DAD doesn't love to watch their kid shine? I can name one.

Instead he has spent the day bitching about it. You know, he's going to miss his brother's birthday dinner. WHAT? Because Angela can't go? And wait a minute, DINNER is in the evening, her meet will be done mid-afternoon. Can't she go after the meet? And why can't he go without her? Oh, and he has to pick someone up at the airport but he doesn't know what time. Of course, calling and asking what time the flight comes in would be too difficult. Because, you see, everything for him is "too difficult". I mean, the airport is ON THE WAY to the meet!  Even the smallest things are reasons to get all stressed out and are more than he can  handle. 

Now yes, I'm not supposed to schedule stuff on his visitation weekend. But when the sign up for swimming comes out, I'm not counting ahead 3 months saying, "Oh sorry honey, you can do swim team this year, because that meet falls on your dad's weekend." The kids in special olympics always get the least desired times for ball fields, pool time, etc. Softball is always 6:00 Sunday evening. Who wants THAT time? And that time sucks for every child with divorced parents, and you know 1/2 of all children with disabilities have parents who divorced. I told him, "You know, Angela's opportunities in life are already limited, I'm not going to limit them any more than they already are because of a stupid visitation schedule that you don't give a crap about unless you KNOW it's going to somehow mess up my schedule. THEN suddenly you care." 

But really, all these things were excuses, because....finally.....

the real truth came out. "That's your thing with her. That's not my thing." 

"What do you mean it's not your thing? You mean going to watch your daughter, and cheer her on isn't your thing?

"Yeah, that might be your thing, but it's not my thing." 

"You know, Dean isn't her dad, but HE loves to go watch her do this stuff. He loves seeing the look of pride on her face when she finishes. He LOVES to give her a hug afterward and tell her what an amazing kid she is! He LOVES seeing her succeed. And yet, you...her DAD...says, 'it's not my thing'? SHAME ON YOU!!!!!"

I'm so sad for Angela. I know she would be so very excited to have her dad there in the stands cheering her on. I can just picture the smile of pride on her face as she screams "I did it!!!!" I guess I have to say I'm very lucky to have found Dean, and Angela is lucky too. Because Sunday Dean will be there, and he'll get to hear, "I did it Dean! I did it!!!!" and he'll cry tears of pride right along side me. HE is "that into her"!!!!


Mommy to those Special Ks said...

Thank God for Dean!!!!!

Sheila said...

I was lucky that my mom found someone like that - I have no interest in my biological dad - the one that mattered was the one that was there for me -- and still is.

Shelley said...

I grew up with one of those men as my father too. As Angela gets older she will realize what you already know....she has a father that she visits on those scheduled weekends, but the man that shows up for everything important in her life...that man is her dad! Give Dean a big ole hug!

Kathie Brinkman said...

So Angela is coming to the meet afterall? I hope so since she's in a relay race with three other girls. Tell that crappy ex of yours that Angela's team is counting on her and without her that whole relay team gets scrubbed!! What an #sshole. And so what's his thing to do with her--sit around, watch TV and swear all weekend?

datri said...

Sorry to hear about Angela's Dad, but props for Dean!

Monica said...

Yes, I echo everyone, Thank God for Dean!!! I am truly sorry Leah, I know it must hurt to have to deal with this....... We will so be cheering Angela on tomorrow!!

Leah Spring said...

Thanks guys. Dean and I were talking about this last night, and he's just as irritated with Angela's dad as I am. Mostly because he knows what her dad is missing, and he can't imagine CHOOSING to miss it. Tomorrow Angela's aunts and uncles (Dean's siblings) are coming to watch her meet, and she's SO excited to have "her fammy" there!

Courtney said...

Well YAY DEAN! I am very blessed to have a Husband and a father who are FULLY involved in my son's life. HOWEVER...Angela's father sounds a lot like my brother! SAD SAD!
Your post brought tears to my eyes thinking of how excited she will be!!! GO ANGELA GO!