So you decided to have children. You experience your first pregnancy; the morning sickness, the aches and pains, the swelling. You might even have days where you complain about some of the uncomfortable parts of being pregnant. And those last days, when you're feeling as big as a house? Well you might complain to your spouse that you can't see your feet, much less tie your shoes. You WANTED to get pregnant, and you might even complain, but other women sympathize with your pregnancy woes.
The baby arrives and you learn about sleepless nights, sucking boogers out of stuffy noses, poopy diaper blowouts, and all the other things that come along with having babies. You WANTED this baby, and you might even complain, but other parents sympathize with your parental woes.
Your baby eventually starts school. You learn about parent teacher conferences, the reams of paper that come home in the form of permission slips, classroom notices, and all those other things school finds necessary to send home. (and thats for a child without special needs!) You WANTED this child, and you might even complain, but other parents sympathize with your parental woes.
And then you decide to adopt a child.
When you go through the paper part of the process, often referred to as the "paper pregnancy", you experience the millions of forms, the deadlines, the money. You WANTED this adoption, but for some reason, if you let even one breath of an expression of frustration out of your mouth, people will say, "But you WANTED this adoption. What did you expect?"
If you adopt internationally you travel to the other country to get your child. This is the "labor and delivery" part of the experience. You learn about eating in foreign places without anyone to help you read a menu. You learn about getting around, and the "Groundhog Day" effect that happens when you have to say for several weeks. However, don't let even one breath of frustration out of your mouth, because people will say, "But you WANTED this adoption, what did you expect?"
You get your new child home, and you learn about the sleepless nights, the endless poopy diaper blowouts, the sucking of boogers out of stuffed up noses, the.neverending.doctor.appointments. Whatever you do, NOW is not the time to complain, because it is going to be thrown back in your face that "you WANTED this adoption. What did you expect?"
I don't understand it. I don't get it at all. Time and again newly adoptive parents say to me, "I get NO support from friends and family..." because those friends and family have the belief that because the family WANTED the adoption, they are never allowed to feel frustrated, scared, or...God forbid...exhausted.
People! Being a parent is just that. Parenting. It doesn't matter how your child came to you; by birth, remarriage, or adoption. All those things we parents go through when we birth a baby are the same things we go through when we adopt. We are exhausted caring for a newborn with a wonky sleep schedule, and we're exhausted bringing home a child who's entire biological system is functioning on the clock from a different part of the world. We clean up poopy diaper blowouts from our toddler, and we do the same for our newly adopted child who came home with God.knows.what bacteria, or just travel tummy.
This morning I read THREE different blogs in which the writers, all newly adoptive moms, have NO support from family, and very little from friends. Stop treating them this way! Just because they CHOSE to adopt doesn't mean they should never get tired. Doesn't mean every single day of their lives will be all roses. In fact, they might have that child home a full year before they feel like a single rose has bloomed! Get over yourselves. Get off your high and mighty horses. You would destroy your family ties because if it were you, YOU would not have chosen to adopt so that makes it wrong for your family member to do so?
If your family member was called by God to adopt, they should instead listen to YOU and disobey His call on their life????
And there's my rant for today.