Blogging about life in Minnesota, raising our six kids with Down syndrome while battling Breast Cancer.

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the devil says, "Oh shit! She's up!"

Friday, October 28, 2011

The pleading eyes





Thirty sets of eyes. All of them staring at me from my computer screen. 

All of them eyes of children I have touched, held, loved on, promised them I would do all I could. 

Whispered into ears my promise: I would scream from the mountain tops for them. I would not forget them. I would not walk away and pretend they didn't exist. I would not leave the problem for someone else. 

They are my problem now. 

My heart.

 God put them there. God gave me a gift called compassion. It is a difficult gift to carry, because it makes the heart hurt. God gave me the pain. It makes life complicated. It means that my thoughts are never with me, instead they are always on the other side of the world, in a crib, with a child who cries a silent cry. 

Eyes....begging...pleading....The silent screams "Hold me. Love me. Take me. Please don't put me down. Please no...please please....please." Pleading as I turn my back on them. I walk out of the room....the empty room....empty save all the other cribs full of more children....more eyes.....many more eyes follow me out of the room.

Lists. Descriptions. Choices. None is less worthy than another.

This is bigger than me. This is for God. Only God can do it. Which eyes God? 

I don't know which eyes. 

1 comment:

Speechless said...

They're all beautiful. The first and the last three sets of eyes are stunning. I'm partial to those big, dark eyes though :)