The beginning of February everyone here was really sick. Well, everyone but me. I managed to escape the influenza bug this year. Asher was down just a day or two. Dean was sick well over a week, Axel a few days. Angela had it the worst of all of us because it triggered her asthma which took several weeks for her lungs to recover.
And now there is something else upon us.
On Thursday last week we were innocently going through our morning routine; Angela getting her backpack/jacket on, Axel getting dressed and Asher sitting on the pot.
I was in supervisor mode, walking through checking on everyone when I heard...I heard a noise I have not heard in 16 years. Dean had never heard the noise before and looked confused, "What was THAT?" he asked.
"OMG THAT WAS PUKING!" I hollered as I ran for Asher in the bathroom.
Yes. Yes my mind had remembered that sound correctly.
I don't do puke. I can clean up a lot of things, but puke is not one of them. When big brother Tyler was a kid he used to get carsick all the time. It started when he was just an infant, so by the time he was 4 he could independently manage his puke bucket and towels in the car. All I had to do was roll down all the windows. :-)
As I lifted Asher to the bathtub I hollered for Dean to bring paper towels. Lots of 'em. When he came back with the paper towelsI don't even think he came into the bathroom. No, I think he just threw them at me and ran. "I don't do puke" he said. Really???? So I should just leave Asher here in the mess because I don't do puke either? "Sorry kid, you're on your own with this one. We don't do puke." But I am the mom, so I stayed. Dean, on the other hand, didn't say a word and supervised Angela and Axel through the rest of the morning. You know, don't draw attention to yourself and nobody will make you deal with the puke.
There is one thing about cleaning up puke, and that is I never really know where to start. I mean, do you clean up the kid first or the floor? Since it wasn't really possible to walk in the bathroom without stepping in puke, I opted to start with the floor first. That was great until I realized - too late - that Asher was standing in the tub leaning over me.
And WHY IN GOD'S NAME did He...the same god who gave me these beautiful children - why did He give us mom's the reflex to CATCH things???? ALL things?
Eventually I got the floor cleaned up, the kid cleaned up, the tub cleaned up, and then I got me cleaned up. I wasn't really sure where to put the puking Asher now. Hmmm Somewhere that can be wiped clean, but the hardwood floor didn't seem like the most comfortable option. I laid him on his bed and images of washer load after washer load of puke bedding flashed before my eyes. I stripped his sheets and let him lay on the vinyl mattress cover. Thank you to whoever invented those! They are great for puking kids! It did look a bit like a scened from an institution, but I didn't care. I was more concerned about avoiding more laundry.
I left Asher there while I went to wash my hands for the 27th time in 30 minutes when I heard that noise again. I went running back to find Asher sitting not on his bed, but on the other side of the room and he had puked all over the carpet. Lord Jesus help me! I put him through another rapid bathing and put him back on his bed then ran downstairs to get the carpet machine.
I passed Dean who was sitting quietly in the living room, minding his own business. I must have looked like I needed help because Dean was working from home that day, but when he saw me he suddenly slammed his laptop closed and ran for his shoes. "I'm outta here!" he said, and I'm pretty sure he was smiling as the door closed behind him.
Now, this thing...this carpet machine... is brand new. I bought it when we had a pipe burst back in November and have only used it one time. It is a whole lot of awesomeness. Yeah, well, things are a lot of fun until the carpet cleaner craps out on you in your time of need!!!!
I spent the next two hours trying to unclog tubes that I decided must be the problem, stopping every 10 minutes or so to clean up more puke. He hadn't even eaten that much in the last 24 hours, how could there be SO MUCH???
Eventually Thursday ended, as did Friday and the weekend. Today is Monday and Asher stayed home with me again. He'll be home tomorrow again too. What a lovely lovely thing. NOT!
And now there is something else upon us.
On Thursday last week we were innocently going through our morning routine; Angela getting her backpack/jacket on, Axel getting dressed and Asher sitting on the pot.
I was in supervisor mode, walking through checking on everyone when I heard...I heard a noise I have not heard in 16 years. Dean had never heard the noise before and looked confused, "What was THAT?" he asked.
"OMG THAT WAS PUKING!" I hollered as I ran for Asher in the bathroom.
Yes. Yes my mind had remembered that sound correctly.
I don't do puke. I can clean up a lot of things, but puke is not one of them. When big brother Tyler was a kid he used to get carsick all the time. It started when he was just an infant, so by the time he was 4 he could independently manage his puke bucket and towels in the car. All I had to do was roll down all the windows. :-)
As I lifted Asher to the bathtub I hollered for Dean to bring paper towels. Lots of 'em. When he came back with the paper towelsI don't even think he came into the bathroom. No, I think he just threw them at me and ran. "I don't do puke" he said. Really???? So I should just leave Asher here in the mess because I don't do puke either? "Sorry kid, you're on your own with this one. We don't do puke." But I am the mom, so I stayed. Dean, on the other hand, didn't say a word and supervised Angela and Axel through the rest of the morning. You know, don't draw attention to yourself and nobody will make you deal with the puke.
There is one thing about cleaning up puke, and that is I never really know where to start. I mean, do you clean up the kid first or the floor? Since it wasn't really possible to walk in the bathroom without stepping in puke, I opted to start with the floor first. That was great until I realized - too late - that Asher was standing in the tub leaning over me.
And WHY IN GOD'S NAME did He...the same god who gave me these beautiful children - why did He give us mom's the reflex to CATCH things???? ALL things?
Eventually I got the floor cleaned up, the kid cleaned up, the tub cleaned up, and then I got me cleaned up. I wasn't really sure where to put the puking Asher now. Hmmm Somewhere that can be wiped clean, but the hardwood floor didn't seem like the most comfortable option. I laid him on his bed and images of washer load after washer load of puke bedding flashed before my eyes. I stripped his sheets and let him lay on the vinyl mattress cover. Thank you to whoever invented those! They are great for puking kids! It did look a bit like a scened from an institution, but I didn't care. I was more concerned about avoiding more laundry.
I left Asher there while I went to wash my hands for the 27th time in 30 minutes when I heard that noise again. I went running back to find Asher sitting not on his bed, but on the other side of the room and he had puked all over the carpet. Lord Jesus help me! I put him through another rapid bathing and put him back on his bed then ran downstairs to get the carpet machine.
I passed Dean who was sitting quietly in the living room, minding his own business. I must have looked like I needed help because Dean was working from home that day, but when he saw me he suddenly slammed his laptop closed and ran for his shoes. "I'm outta here!" he said, and I'm pretty sure he was smiling as the door closed behind him.
Now, this thing...this carpet machine... is brand new. I bought it when we had a pipe burst back in November and have only used it one time. It is a whole lot of awesomeness. Yeah, well, things are a lot of fun until the carpet cleaner craps out on you in your time of need!!!!
I spent the next two hours trying to unclog tubes that I decided must be the problem, stopping every 10 minutes or so to clean up more puke. He hadn't even eaten that much in the last 24 hours, how could there be SO MUCH???
Eventually Thursday ended, as did Friday and the weekend. Today is Monday and Asher stayed home with me again. He'll be home tomorrow again too. What a lovely lovely thing. NOT!
4 comments:
Oh no!
From someone who ran screaming from the room this morning after her cat puked on the tiles in front of the front door - you have my total sympathy.
I don't do puke either. If I had to, there would be double the puke to clean up! Lucky for me it doesn't phase my husband, so I can merely hurl the paper towels at him as I flee the scene lol
I hope Asher is feeling better very soon, and that whatever made him sick isn't contagious xxx
Dean is definitely not the hero in this story.. and soon you will be blessed with another son!
Dean is definitely not the hero in this story.. and soon you will be blessed with another son!
Sorry....but I am laughing. You sound like us a few years ago. I grew up not being able to handle puke AT ALL. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on the perspective, God gave us a bio kid with a sensitive gag reflex and our first adopted one who puked when she didn't like things like food and medicine, so we were ready when Nathan and his multiple puke/day came upon us. When you can eat a meal the same day someone pukes, you know you will have had evolved!!! Ha, ha! Hope he is feeling better and no one else gets it. Blessings, Jennifer
P.S. I think God is preparing you for a puker with this adoption, you know, paving the way through de-sensitizing ya'll to the puke via a last minute tummy bug!! LOL!!
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