Blogging about life in Minnesota, raising our five kids with Down syndrome while battling Breast Cancer.

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the devil says, "Oh shit! She's up!"

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Happy Birthday to Me, Debbie Downer

Today is my birthday. It is not a milestone birthday. It does not have a zero in it. I'm just 44. Usually on my birthday I'm a pretty happy person. I have plenty of reasons to be happy! I have the most amazing man ever, I have wonderful children, we are "comfortable". I am comfortable. My life is good, and I have nothing to complain about. It is an absolutely beautiful day outside, one of the few we've had so far this summer.

So why am I not happy? Why do I feel like I have a hole in me? In the last couple of weeks there have been some really hurtful things said and done. Some of them intentional, some not, and some I'll never know. Most people who know me know that I'm not a grudge holder. I'm pretty quick to pick myself up and move on. There is a life to live, and I'll be darned if someone else's poor ability to be human is going to hold me back. But these events have shaken me. Even though it's all been emotional, I feel like I've been stomped on, spit upon, and thrown in a street gutter...forgotten. Some of those involved don't even realize what they've done, which speaks volumes about their true character, I think. No, I'm not going to address the issue with them. I'm not going to waste my time. It is pointless. It has been going on for years and I guess I've just finally hit my limit in dealing with it. I'm just going to be done with it. I will do what I HAVE to do, when I have to do it, but I will not do any more than that. I will not expend any extra effort in that area. My circle has just gotten a little bit smaller.

So lets splash some cold water on my face and move on, shall we?  I'm going to focus on this weekend.  It's Noah's 24th birthday on the 3rd, and the 4th of July. Axel's first 4th of July, Angela home to celebrate with us (I think she's been with her dad nearly every 4th of July) and fun stuff going on around here. Carnivals, and corn dogs, fireworks and parades. Let's sing Happy Birthday to America instead!

9 comments:

Lund7 said...

Happy birthday Leah! Sorry to hear you are feeling sad. Try to move on and not let their mean comments ruin your special day!!

What day is the parade this year? Maybe we will see you there...

Becky said...

Happy Birthday lady! I hope your day gets better! If you need a smile, just remember you are closer to 40 than 50 for another year. :)

Linnea said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Be blessed

Ashlee

krlr said...

Happy Birthday indeed! Holidays/birthdays can be such landmines - I hope you do something nice for yourself. And assume at least a few of those fireworks are for you.

Jaalsey B said...

Happy Birthday! I've never met you, but I think you rock! And I mean that.

Tamara said...

Sometimes when we shrink our circle, it grows bigger ... and way better! :-)

Sandryte said...

Happy Birthday, Leah!
Don't take those glances and comments to your heart. Or take it and reverse them into "I/my children attract the attention!", "We should be SPECIAL if they are looking at us", "I can smile back and show them how miserable they are". Or even make a T-shirt for Axel and promote your blog on it, for example "Don't stare at me. Better check about it on blog GARDEN OF EAGAN" :)
Indeed, you are doing a good job, you BETTER be proud of yourself!

Best wishes!

Marianne said...

Enjoy the birthdays, celebrations, beautiful weather, wonderful children, and good food!

Stephanie @ Ralphcrew said...

Happy birthday dear friend. Glad to be in your small-er circle with you. :)