Busyness

Last week Abel saw the dentist for the first time. No pictures of this visit because I was busy...you know...being a mom. The dentist confirmed what we already knew, but...you know...you have to actually be seen by the real doctor in order to make decisions. LOL Anyway, it was confirmed that he needs several teeth pulled (baby teeth that haven't fallen out on their own or that are rotten enough they need to go.) plus 10 years of plaque and tartar to scrape off. He handled the visit well, letting the dentist count all his teeth (I've never seen a kid with so many teeth!) and do a good cursory exam. The dentist did agree that having him checked for a sub-mucus cleft palate would be a good idea.

Today I had a meeting with Asher's new school! The numbers in our district have been pushed *just enough* that they were able to add another special ed classroom on our side of town. (Last year the wanted to send Asher to a building 15 miles away, which we would not agree to.) I guess the only needed one more special ed student, and...well...we have one. LOL Anyway, today we met with his new teacher, speech and occupational therapists. His current staff was in attendance to so we could go over all his stuff. In addition, Asher's PSA who is fluent in ASL will be moving with him. The cool thing is, Abel will be at this school too!  We're going to be very sad to say goodbye to Asher's staff at his current school. They really have bent over backward to work with this complicated little boy, all of us learning as we go. I just cannot say enough about them. And yet, we're very excited for the change of placement for Asher. The mainstream kindergarten was an excellent place for him this year. He was able to see how typical children play, and most importantly, that they TALK. He learned the routine, and just plain learned about being in the school setting. Unfortunately moving onto a regular ed. 1st grade classroom isn't an appropriate placement for him. He will certainly spend time in the mainstream classroom for things like music, art, etc. but all his academic time will be in the special ed. classroom. He'll also have OT four days a week, ST twice a week, DAPE and music therapy every day. He is going to LOVE school next year!

As soon as we were done with Asher's meeting, Abel's teacher came in to get the scoop on him. I'm so very excited!!! Ms. H. was Angela's teacher for elementary school and I ADORE her. We spent a few minutes talking about Abel, and then went to see her classroom. The boys are in different age groups but will be right next door to one another. I just feel this is going to be an awesome year for both of them!

Later in the day was fun for the other kids, since it was their turn at the dentist! LOL

All three of the kids were in chairs at once. Asher was in the chair in the quiet area where it's a little less scary. He wanted to hold Dean's hand the whole time, but he was great about opening his mouth!

Oh, but then she got a different tool. He was a bit nervous about that.

Angela has a horrible time at the dentist, can't you tell? (she's completely relaxed. LOL) Her biggest problem with the dentist is they have to keep telling her to stop talking!

And then there is Axel with a death grip on the chair. Seriously, he was hanging on like he might fly away if he didn't!

Who's this guy, sitting quietly on the sidelines, minding his own business? This is the BEST we have ever seen him sit! He made sure to stay a safe distance from those dentist chairs and he never moved from this spot!

Aaaand back to Asher in the quiet chair. Notice Dad is holding his hands now. ;-)

Axel does have one cavity, (he'll be having it filled under general anesthesia along with a couple other minor things) and all three kids have plaque problems in the same area, so we are going to come up with a new brushing routine. Hopefully when we go back in Feb. there will be improvement in this area.

Tomorrow's schedule says I'm busy all day. Abel has an assessment in the morning, and Axel and Asher each have two hours of therapy in the afternoon, and then there is track practice after dinner! Busy...I like busy!

Creative Chaos Awards

Last week was the annual "Creative Chaos Awards" for Angela's broadcasting class at school.
The students in this class spend the year producing several videos, doing research, and learning about the production process. It is Angela's favorite class, and the highlight of the year for all the students is
this award ceremony.

The day is spent with their school "buddies" doing their hair and make up, nails, etc. I wasn't there for that part so I didn't get pictures. :-(

Then they are picked up by a limo and driven to the ceremony.

Here they come! Here they come!

STAR SIGHTING!!! Here's our star, emerging from the limo!!!

This is her good friend C. They have been together in school for the last 5 years. He has been her protector much of that time, and stepping in to help her with things like zipping a coat, or getting her backpack together. He has been a great friend. And, 2 years ago he was the same height as Angela. 

Now a little back story: 

Back in February we had Angela's IEP meeting. We talked a lot about her broadcasting class, since it's her favorite. Her speech teacher runs the broadcasting class and uses it to work on speech goals. (smart guy!) At her IEP meeting he said, "She *really* liked the "All About Me" production work. When we were working on her script she went into great detail. You and Dean give her so many opportunities that many kids who have disabilities never have a chance to experience. Trips, sports, hunting, fishing..."

I interrupted. "Umm excuse me? Hunting?"

"Oh yeah! She told us all about her deer hunting trip, being up in the deer stand, gutting the deer. All that stuff."

It took me a moment to pull my chin off the floor, and then I started laughing. 

"Angela has never been hunting in her life."

Wow, did she have THEM fooled!!! She had so many details, surely this was a real experience! Oh, Angela can tell a story alright! And if you don't know her, or us, or the context, she will totally have you believing her! She is forever telling me about various people and situations and I have to ask, "Is this a person on TV or at school?" But I have to be careful, because it could be a person she saw on TV at school. LOL

So now we're at the award ceremony. There was a wide variety of awards given. Guess who was up for Best "All About Me" video?

Here's her All About Me video. 

The last award given was the Cameron Hooey award. Cameron was one of Angela's classmates.

On April 3rd, Cameron Hooey passed away suddenly. He was 18 years old. The staff at school put together a beautiful montage full of photos and videos of Cameron. Since his funeral was the day before we left for Serbia we weren't able to attend, so we were really glad to be part of this. The Cameron Hooey award will be an award given every year to one of the broadcasting students. His dad accepted the award for him this year, and it was a very emotional end to a great ceremony.

There was some time on the red carpet.

(Dean was hanging onto Abel because people were walking by with food!)

Congratulations to my drama queen and a job well done!!!

AAAA's

Some people are confused about all the A's in our house, and who is who. Let me go back and tell you a little about each one. It may help, or possibly confuse you more! HA!

Angela - age 16

Named for the angels of faith who kept her alive during a very difficult pregnancy. Angela, turning 17 next month, is queen of all. She is a partying kind of girl and there is always excitement when she's around! She is her own best cheerleader and is usually whooping and hollering with excitement over something. Angela is NOT a girly-girl! She has never played with dolls. Angela has no fear and will often jump into a new situation head first. She is a story teller (and there is no way to know if what she's telling you is fiction or fantasy because she is THAT good!) and a drama queen. One of her favorite things is attending summer street dances where she can stand RIGHT in front of the speakers and "shake my booty". Angela has a few medical issues, the most complicated being Cricopharyngeal Achalasia, Anhidrosis, Reactive Airway Disease and a stroke disorder that is accompanied by TIA's. She also has a hearing loss and wears hearing aids in both ears.

Axel - age 12

Named for my grandfather, Axel Lundgren. Axel will be 13 before we know it! Axel was adopted from Serbia in December 2010 and has been with us for 2 1/2 years. When he came he was wearing a size 5 and now he is as tall as Angela! Axel is the "strong and silent" type. He is very funny and very affectionate. He loves to brush my hair,  or anyone's hair. He is gentle and kind. He is a bit timid, often needing a lot of encouragement to try new things! Axel had AAI and subsequent spinal fusion 2 years ago on May 16th 2011. He was in a halo for three months, then three months in a neck brace. He has no other health problems.

Abel - age 10

The newest member of our family. Named for Adam and Eve's "good" son, Abel just turned 10 years old last month while were there to adopt him from Serbia. He has been with us 3 1/2 weeks. Abel is a very busy young man! He is super smart and quick to figure out how things work. (Dean and I can often be found getting Abel busy doing something out of sight so we can lock a door or put new batteries in something!) Abel loves to climb, and run, and just be ALL BOY! When we take walks he is usually kicking stones along the way. As far as we know, Abel doesn't have any serious current medical issues. I say "current" because we know he had an ASD at one time, as well as something with his mitral valve. He does have rumination syndrome that seems to be diminishing a bit. We start all his appointments this week to get all systems checked out.

Asher - age 8

Asher, from Genesis 30:13, was adopted from Serbia in December 2011. He has been with us over a year and a half and has changed SO MUCH! Asher is a total clown, with a sense of humor that never stops. He loves to climb up, in and under everything that is possible. He is constantly hopping, working to perfect the skill now that he can get both feet off the ground! Asher has AAI but so far does not need surgery. We are supposed to have a check up in June but since I haven't gotten it scheduled yet (I'm waiting to get Abel's X-rays done) I don't think it will happen until August. He does not have any other medical problems. 

Communicating

I do believe Asher and Abel just had their first conversation!

The setting: boys are getting dressed. Asher has has just stood up after putting on his pants. Abel is still sitting on the floor just hanging out. Keep in mind this conversation took place in American Sign Language without an intervention from me.

Asher (tapping Abel gently on the shoulder.): "Stand up. Music."
Abel- responded to Asher and stood up.
Asher - gives Abel a hug
Abel - pushing Asher away - "brush teeth" (points toward bathroom.)
Asher - laughs, runs toward the bathroom.

I'm thrilled with how these boys get along, but this business of them talking to one another is something I didn't anticipate at this point!! It is SO FUN to watch!

Ethics in Adoption

Today Jen Hatmaker has Pt 2 of a series on ethics in adoption. She makes many valid points, some of which I would like to highlight here because they are *all* issues I ran into during my first adoption from Serbia. (which are no longer an issue!!!) Please  take a trip over to Jen's blog and have yourself a read.

 Can we see a copy of a recent audited financial statement? Annual report? 

When you ask questions, do you feel shut down, disrespected, bullied, or discouraged? I asked my agency hard questions and got pages and pages of immediate, thorough responses. If you are discouraged from talking to other families, researching, asking difficult questions, or investigating, RUN.

Are other adoptive families with concerns are painted as lunatics or troublemakers?

Does correspondence lean too heavily on emotional propaganda and "rescue" rhetoric, as opposed to professionalism and an obvious commitment to best practices?

An agency that claims to have special connections or processes in country.

If you hear the word “expedited,” run for the hills. That is not a thing. That is corruption.

Payments without receipts (common in Eastern European adoptions).

They're Back!

Growth

Last year Asher was new to us. He spent the last couple of months of school in a kindergarten classroom. He was SO TINY!!! This year he went back kindergarten with the same teacher and additional supports in place.

Last year for Mother's Day the kids gave us moms a picture. Since this is Asher's second time around, I was privileged enough to get a second picture too!

Look at the difference from 2012 to 2013! 

Last year it was still really hard for Asher to give us eye contact. 

He didn't understand English yet either, so taking pictures was always

a bit confusing for him. But this year? He's got it down!

Special Olympics Area Track Meet

Last week was our area track meet for Special Olympics. Angela and Axel were really excited, and Asher got to compete for the first time!

There were a few problems with the meet this year. I don't know if there was a different group running it, but the meet started late, nobody was standing at the finish, nor was it marked so athletes didn't know where the line was.  Because of this, some athlete times were not recorded and others didn't get their awards.

Still the kids had a great time! I'm really thankful that the night before Tyler came into town (he lives about an hour away and doesn't have a car.) so he joined us for the day. In hindsight I don't know how we would have managed the day without his help! Abel still has a hard time with large crowds and there was a lot of running around to be done getting kids to various events!

It was one of the coldest days in May in Minnesota's history. We arrived dressed for WINTER, wearing winter coats, gloves, hats, etc. Later in the day it sleeted hailed. Eventually the sun came out but by then it was time to go home!

We stripped the kids of their winter coats so they could run. 

Watch little Ashie "run" the 50 meter!!! Oh he was so cute!

Axel and Asher getting their awards. This year Axel wasn't happy standing on top of the podium.

Way down there, in the 1st place spot, is Angela. We could hear her whooping and hollering in the stands. LOL

As she does every year, Angela did the long jump. This is the first year she seemed to understand the purpose. Some years she has only jumped 5 inches! This year were her best jumps ever! 

Abel had fun bonding with big brother Tyler. He had so much fun that Tyler was struggling to get Abel down, so two seconds after taking this picture I went to help. Well, Abel was over stimulated by that point, and when I went behind him to lift him down, he threw his body back, catching me in the nose with his head. The impact caused me to see stars and dropped me right to the ground. My four front crowns felt loose (though now they're fine so I think it was just the impact) and the point where my nasal septum joins my upper lip/jaw was broken! Inside my mouth my palate is black and blue and the upper part of my mouth is as well. 

Axel also did the softball throw and Asher did the tennis ball. They both threw really well (Axel's throwing "well" is about 6 meters) and we'll find out their results next week.

In the end, Axel came home with a 1st and 2nd, Asher came home with 4th, Angela brought in a 1st and 7th. We're very proud of our kids! The good outweighs the bad, ALWAYS!!! Thank you God for giving me this day to enjoy five of my kids at once, for brining three boys from the other side of the world, for giving me one amazing daughter to keep me company in the mist of all the maleness, and a partner to share it all with!

The Potty Thing

*disclaimer* This post falls under the category of "TMI".

When we first met Abel he was in diapers 24/7. Not just diapers, but one teen-sized disposable diaper layered over another teen-sized disposable diaper. I don't know how often those diapers are changed, but I do know they hold A LOT. Keep in mind that the kids are chronically dehydrated so they're not going through as many diapers as they normally would. When we started our visits we always brought with us a full water bottle, and it was always the first thing Abel asked for, even before the food. Needless to say, he was soaking through those diapers during our visits and we would bring him back to his caregivers for a change. I don't think our water bottle was very popular. ;-)

In Abel's group the kids ranged in age from 10-13. Every one of them in diapers, including the mostly-typical teenage girl. We were told Abel knew what to do on the toilet, both urinating and bowel movements, but that he was very afraid of the toilet so used one of the small plastic potties instead. I asked one of the caregivers why he's still in diapers at 10 years old if he was able to use the potty. The answer was lack of opportunity. They never actually used the plastic potty. In other words, the caregivers didn't have time. If only I had counted how many times we went to visit and there were no caregivers around. They'd see us come off the elevator and all come out of the break room, making themselves look busy. At one point I said to Dean when most of the kids were at school, with a hint of sarcasm, "Well, there is only one caregiver with these four kids."

Under normal circumstances (who am I kidding? That doesn't really exist with international adoption!) I would have waited until we got home to even attempt potty training Abel. But, since we were told he knew what to do, I figured I might as well give it a shot!

Remember we were told Abel was afraid of the toilet. Well, the second day at our apartment when I attempted to get him to follow me into the bathroom he put the brakes on at the door, shaking his head and stomping one foot, which is non-verbal speak for, "No way lady! You're not getting me on that thing!"

Abel's biggest motivator is food. We can get him to do pretty much anything as long as there is food involved. It's not like we are creating a problem using food motivators because he already HAS food issues, right? Anyway, I decided the only way to get him on the toilet was to PUT him on there. He knew exactly what was coming. As I tried to get his pants down he turned into a 12-legged cat and started clawing everywhere. Finally I plopped him on the toilet and popped a piece of chocolate in his mouth.

Silence while he savored his chocolate.

And then he peed. "YAY POTTY!!!! WHOO HOO!!!!" we clapped and sang.

An hour later I pointed to the bathroom, signed "potty" and pointed to the bathroom door. Abel shook his head and stomped his foot. From behind my back I pulled out the chocolate bar. He reluctantly came to the bathroom door and I gave him a piece. Then we got his pants down and he got another tiny piece. He sat himself on the toilet and he got three pieces.

And then he peed. And we had another party. And half a candy bar.

And hour later I signed "Potty" again, and went into the bathroom with the candy bar visible. Abel followed me right in, pulled down his pants, sat on the toilet then pointed at his mouth to show me where the chocolate should go. While he was savoring his bite of chocolate I turned on the water to wash my hands...and he pooped.

Five more bites of chocolate for him!!!

I say those caregivers just don't know how to use chocolate! LOL

So that's all great, that he was going potty on the toilet and everything, but he had no idea that he shouldn't go in his diaper, and I knew we wouldn't be able to work on that until we got home. For the time being we were going through a few less diapers each day.

Once home I was still putting him on the toilet regularly but he was constantly soaking through his diaper and jeans. I was trying to decide when was the best time to start Potty Training Boot Camp when one day Asher came into the bathroom, stood at the toilet and peed. Abel was fascinated by that! He quickly whipped down his pants and joined Asher at the toilet, the two of them side-by-side. TOO CUTE! That's it, it was time to start!

Thursday I went out and bought 20 pairs of underwear. (He and Asher wear the same size so it's not really overkill. ) Friday was THE DAY. I talked/signed to him about "dry", and "clean", etc. Five minutes later we were putting on a new pair of underwear. 20 minutes after that we did it again. That first day we went through 13 pair of underwear. Saturday we did it again, and only went through 8 pair. Sunday only three. Monday I got brave and put pants on him too. He did excellent all morning without a single accident. In the afternoon we had to go to Angela's softball game so I put a pull-up on him. Half way through the game he signed "potty"!!! We made a mad dash and he kept that pull-up dry, the rest of the day even when we went to track practice! He wore the same pair of pants and underwear all day long. Man this kid is smart!

Today he was dry as well. That was until I left him home with Dean and the two of them dozed off on the couch. Oops!

If we get through the next three days without accidents, I will say we are officially potty trained!

*update June 24th* That was the end of potty training bootcamp! From that day on it is rare Abel has an accident. We have discovered he pees when he's afraid though. Things like doctor exams, sitting on a new swing he's never tried before, all can guarantee wet pants. Other than that, he's been doing AWESOME!!!! Asher, on the other hand, is another blog post!

The List

When a baby is born with Down syndrome there are several medical specialists they will see over the course of several years. Some kids only see one or two, some will see cardiology but only once, and others - like Angela - have a large team of specialists is put together.

When you adopt a child with Down syndrome, it's necessary to play "catch up" with all those specialists. Given our history with our kids with DS, there are some specialists my kids see even if they don't have any symptoms because my kids are known to hide things. ;-)

The first thing on the agenda is dental work!!! Check out all the teeth squeezed into his mouth! What you can't see is how many are rotten, or the ones that are fused.

It's very common for kids with DS to not loose their teeth without intervention. When this happens the adult teeth come in wherever they can find space, including the roof of the mouth.

We'll get that scheduled as soon as possible. Since we know it needs to be done under general anesthesia we'll schedule and ABR at the same time. I'm pretty sure his hearing is fine but since he'll be out anyway it's better to just get it done. We also know he needs his tonsils and adenoids out but I don't' want our summer totally messed up so we'll wait and get that done when school starts in the fall.

Last week I made a goal to get all of the medical and educational specialists scheduled that Abel needs to see. Here's who we're seeing in May and June:

Dentist
International Adoption clinic
Ophthalmology (he had surgery for strabismus when he was 6, but one eye is still crossed.)
ENT (tonsils and adenoids need to come out!)
School assessment (so he can start school right away in the fall.)

June:

Urology
Craniofacial (Both Abel and Asher will be seen with a question of submucus cleft or VPI)
Gastroenterology (he has really bad reflux and rumination syndrome.)
Cardiology (he has a history of self-resolved ASD and something with the mitral valve.)

The Thank You's

We've been home just a hair over a week now. I've been trying to figure out the best way to say "Thank you!" to all those who helped get Abel home. Everyone deserves some public recognition in their lives, and this is a good time!

The Fundraising: There are no organizations advocating for Serbian orphans who families are trying to adopt. NONE! People who would like to contribute to a family's adoption often prefer to give to an organization rather than a private party so there is accountability. Add in the fact the Serbian adoption process is very fast, it makes the whole business a bit tricky. But Project Hopeful has chosen to stand in that gap for Serbian adoptive families. The staff and leadership of Project Hopeful is a group of people dedicated to His word. Thank you, Project Hopeful, for helping us get Abel home.

The Funds: I don't have the exact numbers, but somewhere around 120 people contributed to helping get Abel home. Each of you put your faith in Dean and I, believing that we would be good stewards of the money you so generously contributed. Thank you for believing in us. Thank you for sacrificing for us, for our son. Weather you contributed $5 or $1000, every penny was important. Thank you. Every one of you.

Being Gone: We had three kids here who can be quite a handful. Not only that, but it is a crazy schedule to follow here. Even though I eliminated a few things, it's still a lot to keep up with. God absolutely blessed us with a group of people who, like a coach directing the play of a champion team, took amazing care of our kids! We could NOT have brought Abel home without knowing we had people here we could trust and who our kids adored. Not only did our kids get great care, but we came home to a spotless house!!! The pantry had been cleaned and organized, the refrigerator cleaned, not a single dish in the sink, and every stitch of laundry done and put away, the laundry room and bathrooms immaculate, and the list goes on! I cannot thank all of you enough. Just that alone made our first week home far less stressful than it could have been.

The Prayers: So many of you prayed. I'm sure I don't even know who all of you are. I do know that this was the most stressful trip to Serbia I have ever taken. It was the easiest trip in some ways, and in others it was the most difficult.  I have to tell you that one night, I think it was the 3rd or 4th night in Serbia, I woke at 1:30 in the morning having a full-blown panic attack. I couldn't breath, and I was scared to death...about something I couldn't even name. All I knew was my kids were on one side of the world and Dean and I on the other, and in that very moment it was just all too much!!! I went outside on the balcony, taking in gulps of the night air. "God, this is NOT of you. Please take it from me now because I can't stay here otherwise. I can't DO THIS without you." Suddenly I felt it. A gust of wind that blew my hair away from my face, and although the night was cool this breeze was warm. God clearly showed me all your prayers washing over me, taking away my fears and insecurities. No, we couldn't do this alone. We didn't do it alone. Every one of you prayed us home. 

Reflecting

This is going to be a very "real" post. The hard things that we saw and thought during Abel's adoption process.

Somehow before we left I knew this trip was going to be different. I had been adamant that Dean come along on this trip when really he just wanted to stay home. Money was going to be tight but I didn't care. I didn't want to be alone this time. I also knew that if Dean didn't go through this whole process, instead just meeting Abel for the first time at the airport, that his ability to bond with this child was going to be difficult.

Back in December we received this picture of "B" - Bogdan.

We saw an awesome smile. We saw amazing eye contact. We saw lots of teeth. We saw a glowing spirit. We also saw "trouble". What we didn't know was this particular smile is his "Watch out!" smile! LOL

The day finally came, April 12th, when we met our son for the first time. When we first saw him he was sitting in a chair in the staff break room. He was dressed up nice in jeans and a denim shirt. I tried not to cry when I saw him sitting there as I tugged on the sleeve of Dean's shirt. "There he is honey!" Poor Dean, he was still trying to take in the environment, but I was on familiar territory.

We got a couple of quick hugs from him, then were ushered into a motor room. Unfortunately this was a room with equipment designed for infants and toddlers, and Abel was a big boy. Strong and burly, an absolute ball of energy. Oh the energy! We were astounded at his ability to communicate with us, gesturing and miming his orders to us. In the first 5 minutes he bit me in the knee. He hit us. He kicked us. He laughed in our faces. He exhausted us. He never stopped moving, evidenced by the fact we couldn't get a picture with him still.

The best word to describe him was "wild". He was extremely agitated. What we didn't know is he was missing his security item. They didn't let him have his block during this time, and we now know he was spending most of that visit asking for his trusty block. He was a whirlwind. He was naughty. He was what I expected and yet somehow worse. Keep in mind right outside the door, watching the entire visit,  were several social workers and psychologists. They would be writing a report of their impressions from this visit and sending it back to the ministry (like the state level) to let them know how it went. No pressure. No pressure at all.

Dean and I left that visit saying yes. Yes we would accept this child and continue with the process. We went home to our apartment and slept for several hours. The next day we returned for our second visit. This time we came armed with food and drink, planning to take him outside. We watched him interact with the caregivers, making demands upon them, and them giving him nearly everything he wanted. When it was time to go outside he pointed back to his room. That's when his caregiver handed us the block.

Our wild little boy. So hungry. So thirsty. I'll never understand the hunger. These facilities have money for food, but the nutritional value of what the children are fed is nearly nonexistent. The stealing of food  from one another, with nobody to defend the weaker ones. The "speed feeding", where the food is shoved into the mouths of children faster than they can swallow, causing them to sputter and choke because they don't even have time to breath, while most of the food falls back to the bowl being held under their chins. Abel was so thirsty that he tried to lap water from the puddles on the ground, including the puddle of bubble solution when he knocked it out of my hand. He tested everything to see if it was edible, including spots of bird poop on the ground.

Out on the playground the toys flew. Big, giant ride-on toys that he picked up and threw at us as if they were mere feathers. He bit. He hit. He scratched. He kicked. I wanted to start off on the right foot, making it clear to him from the very first moment that we wouldn't put up with this behavior. All while being watched from the sidelines; our ability to manage him judged, reports being written.

Dean and I were both afraid. Was this child too much for us? How could we get him home to the US? How could we even bring this feral child into an airport, much less spend hours upon hours in a plane?

On the third day Dean and I finally talked about our fears. We put it all on the table, and prayed, asking God to help us. The answer was immediate. The only way for us to do this was to get him out of the institutional environment as soon as possible.

The day we were allowed to take him to our apartment for the weekend we were very nervous. It's hard to take a child like this to someone else's home. We knew he had serious issues with food and worried that watching food be prepared would be too much for him. The very last thing were were told was, "He sleeps very well." That felt ominous to me. The institution sent us with a few diapers - which were way too small - so Dean and our friend ran to the store for bigger ones. They got the biggest size there, which barely fit around his waist.

At the apartment he wanted to touch e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. So many things were instantly put up high. He obsessed about drinking. We weren't in the door 10 minutes when he got hold of the crayons and colored on a table. That first night trying to get him to sleep was a miserable fail. We were told he was used to going to bed at 8:00. I think he finally fell asleep around 11:30 and he was awake at 4:30. After 10 years in the institution, how would he ever learn to sleep somewhere else?

This seems like it was all about OUR stress. I can only begin to imagine the fear this little boy felt. He'd been in the institution since he was born, and this was his very first night in a very strange environment with people he couldn't understand, foods he'd never tasted, a strange bed....alone. There wasn't another child an arms length away. It was dark. It smelled different. It sounded different. Anyone who thinks that adoption is all rainbows is naive. It is TRAUMA. While we were very excited about taking Abel out of the institution, there was nothing "good" about that day. It was scary, for all of us.

The next morning I was going to make a run to the mall for something similar to pull-ups. Dean was going to stay home with Abel but at the last minute he asked to come along. He wasn't ready to be home alone with him just yet, and really, neither was I. I also didn't think Abel was ready to be in the mall but we NEEDED those diapers. Dean and I each took a hand and I told our driver this would be the fastest trip to the mall he'd ever made. And that it was! In 15 minutes we were in 4 stores and had purchased diapers, socks, shoes and groceries.

We spent the next week taking many walks, learning to stay with Mom and Papa and, in preparation for airports, that holding a hand is not up for discussion. He learned to sit at the table and watch while food was prepared. He learned to eat at a normal rate of speed. He learned that when he goes to sleep at night we would still be there in the morning. At the one week mark we made a trip to the mall again andAbel was already much improved.

And here we are. Two weeks later on the other side of the world. Abel is a completely different child. I would have never guessed he would come so far so fast!!!! I think I could take him nearly anywhere at this point, as long as there are no large crowds. He is quick to take my hand when he's feeling nervous. He has bonded most with Asher and wants to be wherever Asher is.

If I want to introduce something new that I think might cause him to be afraid, I just let him watch Asher do it first.

He loves to have his teeth brushed now (I just had to have Asher go first.)

He goes to bed without crying, he is wearing underwear during the day, and although there are a lot of accidents, today was only the third day and already we see improvement. He has very little anxiety about food anymore, and can sit and watch us prepare a meal without all the worried noises.

He may not know the order of each day, but he knows the routine for each event. He knows where he sits at the table, he knows that after breakfast we get dressed, he knows the routine for brushing teeth, he get get himself on/off the toilet managing his clothing on his own. He knows where he sits in the car and he knows when the other kids go to school that they will come home later in the day. (he frequently checks for the bus out the front window. LOL) He is letting go of his block a bit. Today we went for a hike and he left his block in the car without worrying or asking about it even once.

We are so glad we decided to add Abel to our family. He fits in so perfectly here! When God told us "adopt!", he didn't say it would be easy, he only said that it would be right.

One Week Home

One week. I can't believe we've been home a whole week, and yet we've been so busy it feels like we've been home a month. This time of year is crazy busy for us, with Angela in Adaptive softball that has two weeks left, and then she and Axel both started Special Olympics softball that just started. The overlap complicates the schedule, plus add in Special Olympics track two nights a week for Angela, Axel and Asher. The only night we don't have anything going on is Weds and every other Friday! Mixed in with our busy schedule is one new little boy who himself is quite busy.

So how is everyone adjusting?

Angela: She's an old hat at this "new brother" business now. She has taken everything in stride. And, just as when we brought home first Axel then Asher, she hasn't altered her routine very much. Originally we thought we would keep the kids home from school a couple days so everyone could adjust, but upon arriving home both Dean and I felt the need to get back to our normal routine. Angela was anxious to go back to school and tell her friends that her new brother was home! When she left for school that morning she made sure I knew Abel should meet her at the bus when she came home in the afternoon. We did just that, and she was thrilled to see him. The first morning at breakfast she wanted to sit right next to Abel, but she soon discovered it wasn't really a good idea since she had food while he was still waiting for his. She has been politely reminding him to keep his hands to himself and "Abel don't touch my juice." Even when he's sitting nicely. LOL Mostly, Angela was glad to have us back, attending her ball games and tucking her in at night.

Axel: When I was gone to complete Asher's adoption, Axel's behavior went downhill, particularly once he realized what was happening. This time Axel was, for the most part, able to keep himself in check. Thankfully those who were keeping the ship afloat at home were really good about not letting him get away with much. This time Axel understood what we were doing, and there would soon be a new brother named Abel sharing their bedroom. He had fun talking with us on Facetime whenever we could manage it with the time difference. Since we've come home he is a bit on the quiet side. We're making a point of giving him a lot of praise and Dean is taking Axel along on guy trips to the store, having Axel help him in the kitchen and things like that. Once we find our groove he will be just fine. He went through this same quiet period when we brought Asher home.

Asher: Ok, Asher was a little turkey while we were gone! He had our caregiver convinced that he he wasn't able to do much by himself. By the time we got home he had "forgotten" how to put his shoes on, how to get dressed/undressed, how to take off his jacket or put it away. He's such a stinker, and an excellent con man. That first morning we were home he layed handed me his shoe and his foot. Ummm...yeah right. We expected some regression while we were gone so no worries. He has relearned most of his skills this week. ;-) Probably the most frustrating thing has been the night-time bedwetting that started while we were gone. I may have to break out that bed alarm. Again, regression that was expected. But adding Abel to the mix has been very interesting too! Suddenly we have virtual twins! These two boys together are trying really hard to communicate with one another. They have both been in the "parallel play" stage, but ready to move into associative play. They have moments where they get some game going (usually involving Abel's block or whatever Asher happens to be dangling) and then move back to times of using one another as objects. When Abel goes along to get Asher off the bus he ALWAYS takes Asher's hand as they walk up the driveway together. Yesterday I took the two boys to Target, each holding one side of the cart. It was kind of fun having these two little guys so developmentally close to one another, each trying to help me put things in the cart (I'm sure this will get old by next week). Asher has also started doing some fun things at the table, like CHEWING!!! I'm not sure which part of having Abel at the table is pushing him to chew, but...WOW!!! Today he ate popcorn! BOTH boys are chewing. It's not great yet, but for Asher we just made about 1 year of progress in a matter of days. I'll take it!

And then there is Abel, who gets his own post. ;-)

The World is His

Two weeks ago he sat, locked in an institution on the other side of the world. 

Now the world is his.