Blogging about life in Minnesota, raising our six kids with Down syndrome while battling Breast Cancer.

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the devil says, "Oh shit! She's up!"

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Dear Kim

I'm going to address you personally, since you are obviously obsessed with my family and would like to pick apart my parenting. Unfortunately I accidentally hit "delete" on your most recent comment instead of publish. (reflexive action, as I get a lot of spam and your comment was mixed in with several of those and my finger was clicking away. Sorry about that.)

You don't like that I used the word "inconvenience" about having to deal with my son's chemical dependency issues. As has happened many times, you missed a very large point in my post, which happens quite frequently in your comments.

*edited to add* one of the many things discussed in family therapy with chemical addition is the affect on the rest of the family, INCLUDING "inconveniencing" family members by the addict's choice to use drugs. You said went through alanon as a kid, but have you as an adult? Because it is often discussed.

Yes, it is a HUGE inconvenience to me to have to drop everything in our lives to deal with the bullshit of addiction in an adult who hasn't wanted contact with our family for 10 years. I did it anyway, because he is my son.

It is a HUGE inconvenience to Dean, who is not his father and has never had a relationship with my son - because of addiction - to drop all of his plans for a weekend away, something incredibly rare for him, to deal with the addiction in my adult son who hasn't wanted contact with our family for 10 years. The lack of contact was because of addiction.  He did it anyway, because this is my son.

It is a huge inconvenience to me to find someone to help Dean for the day with 6 kids. Because yes, he can absolutely manage the kids on  his own, but he was also in the middle of a major project here that NEEDS to get done, and he can't do any of it while watching two toddlers (Amos and Audrey are virtual toddlers)  and keeping he peace among the other 4. So yes, I had to find someone to help Dean, with very short notice, for an entire Saturday in July. This is NOT easy to do. But I did it anyway, because this is my son.

It is a huge inconvenience to me to drive my giant van 12 hours over the course of 3 days (that's a drive to Chicago and back) when I wasn't budgeting to be spending that kind of money in gas. I don't have another vehicle to drive. But I did it anyway, BECAUSE this is my son.

Do you get it now????? That it doesn't matter that something is a major inconvenience BECAUSE this is my son, so as a parent, I did it ANYWAY because that is what parents do.

Thankfully I did it. Because I was able to hear some great things from my son. About lots of different things. Most importantly I was able to hear where he has "been" for 10 years and how well he's doing "today" as he makes his plan for "tomorrow". I used quotes because I'm talking figuratively, and you might miss that.

I blocked you on FB a couple of years ago, and I'm going to tell you now, I'm done with you here too. I will not publish your comments anymore. You have nothing good to say, and normally I don't have any problem publishing comments from people who don't agree with me. (I have been posting most - not all - of yours for years, haven't I? Some you have written just to push my buttons and I deleted instead of posting them.) I can have sensible discussions with people without having to agree with them. But that's not why you're here, is it? You have nothing good to say about my family so WHY DO YOU POST HERE??? I don't normally post comments from trolls (because there are plenty of those in the adoption community) but have chosen to post most of yours because I know (knew) you in real life. But I am breaking up with you on my blog. I am done posting your comments. I will not post even one more. Go ahead and post. When I see a big long paragraph of a comment with your name attached to it, I'm deleting without reading.


Christine Nichols said...

Bitterness generally lashes out in criticism, Kim. Please seek a councillor to help you sort through your bitterness before you hurt more people.

CathyB said...

Leah: I view your blog as a place for you to keep your friends, family and acquaintances informed to your family news and also a chronicle of your family's journey. I am confident that many find inspiration from your candor and your story. You keep sharing what you want to share and keep raising your wonderful family.


gps said...

I asked this question privately, and Leah said she'd be happy to answer it on the blog: If you had the van, what was the plan for Dean and the kids in case of emergency? Would they be left without transportation? Also, wouldn't renting an economy car save enough in gas to pay for itself?

As I clarified in private, it did not seem reasonable -- knowing Leah and Dean -- that they would not make appropriate plans, so I wanted to fill in the gap.

Leah Spring said...

gps, thanks for asking a very reasonable question. If I had plenty of notice, I could have budgeted to rent a car, but I didn't have enough notice to have that cash on hand to just rent a car. We don't have credit cards so that isn't an option, and we just paid a large chunk out of pocket toward Amos' adoption. We do have a second car. It is Dean's work car that is on its last legs and we don't expect to make it through the summer. It is not trustworthy enough to make a 4 hr road trip. Dean had that vehicle available to him here. If there were a true emergency, his family all live closely. No, I don't just leave him stranded with 6 kids without a plan in place in case of an emergency.

Allison said...

I really do feel sorry for someone that is so miserable in their own life that they need to pick at others. I am so happy in my own life that I cannot even fathom what makes someone spend the time to say (even think of) mean things to someone else. That's some kind of miserable life they must be living. Wow.

My Girls R Angels said...

Hurt people, hurt people.
Get the help you need, Kim!

Julie said...

Glad you addressed this person even though they do not even have the right to harass you. You are strong and a warrior in many ways. Hopefully this person will find better use of their time.