Blogging about life in Minnesota, raising our six kids with Down syndrome while battling Breast Cancer.

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the devil says, "Oh shit! She's up!"

Friday, May 29, 2015

Where did the time go?

A couple years ago I had a dream. One of those very vivid dreams when you wake up and can't believe it wasn't real. In my dream I was holding my son Noah in my lap. He was a toddler, wearing my favorite outfit I loved dressing him in at the time. I could smell his hair, feel his weight in my lap, feel his tiny hand on my face. I woke from the dream sobbing tears of anguish. I wanted the time back. I wanted my baby boy back in my lap where I could hold him and keep him safe. I worried this dream was some warning or premonition that something terrible had or was going to happen. I sat at the dining room table and closed my eyes and I could still feel all of it. It was several days before the sensation was gone.

Last night I had the same dream, only this time it was about Angela. I could feel her fuzzy hair on my cheek, her hand on my ear, pinching the lobe as she liked to do. My heart ached to go back in time. When I awoke I realized the purpose of the dream. It reminded me to cherish the times I have with my children. pay attention to the little things.

...the feel of them in my lap.

...their hands on my face.

...the light in their eyes.

...the sound of their laughter.

Next week Angela, my biological baby, will graduate from high school. Some of you have been reading here since the beginning. For 10 years I've been telling you the story of Angela's life. I look back at it all...the good, the bad, the difficult, the tears, the triumphs, the smiles, and I am happy.

I can't say I'm sad to see Angela's high school years come to an end. I no longer have to fight for her to be included. I no longer have to worry if people are nice to her in school. There have been many wonderful things about high school too, and Angela really liked it there. That's the most important part, right? That she liked it?

My darling daughter. My tomboy princess. Thank you for teaching me so much over the past 19 years.


Betsy said...

Angela is such a precious "gift from God" and so happy for her High School Graduation coming soon! Congratulations Angela! And you, Leah, are Angela's special "gift from God"! Blessings!

eliz said...

Congratulations!!!! Angela!!! Woo-Hoo!! Leah I'm curious, why isn't she attending high school till age 21/22? My Samson is 20 this August and still in school till he turns 21. His birthday falls in August.

Heather said...

Congratulations Angela!!!!!

Cassandra Lowe said...

YAY Angela!! Congratulations!!!!
That dream is so crazy, I actually had the same exact dream about my oldest, my 12 year old daughter. She was 3 or 4 and I didn't realize who it was at first and then my heart just broke even in my dream. I miss it. I came to the same conclusion. I didn't enjoy life enough when she was little and I'm not taking the time to enjoy it and her or my other children now. Definitely an eye opening dream.