Pictures: Don't Judge a Book By It's Cover

Disclaimer: this could be a long post.

When we were in the process of Asher's adoption and getting information on him, we were slightly frustrated about not having seen a picture of him, but only slightly. I think some of my blog readers might have been more frustrated than we were. ; -) This was, according to the Serbian ministry, the first adoption to a US family that was a 100% blind referral. We weren't getting information about Asher from any source other than government officials, I hadn't met him during previous visits, and we had no pictures. There are certain things we know we can't deal with and some things we have dealt with and know we don't have it in us to do again. Our criteria was any child, boy or girl, between the ages of 6-11 with any special needs, but we cannot take a child with known aggression issues. That's a pretty broad criteria. One thing we knew...we did NOT want a child younger than 6 because, given the delays that go along with an institutionalized child with Down syndrome, we didn't feel able to parent a toddler again at this point in our lives. (Can you hear God laughing?)

Here is the exact information we received from the Serbian ministry about Asher:

Boy L, age of 7, born in October 2004, with Down syndrome; first marriage child; protected within institution; have stable developmental progress, apart from speech development which is regressing; able to walk without grownups support on flat surface; with grownups support able to walk up and down the stairs; able to sit on the chair while feeding; passive while eating; does not make difference between sweet and salty food; he does not chew; unable to hold a cup himself; feed with the spoon by grownups; mostly repeating activities he is engaged in.

Although we knew that we could turn down Asher's referral upon meeting him, or any time during the visitation process, really, Dean and I decided that we would take the child God had matched us with, and be accepting of his needs no matter what they were. This was a huge leap of faith for both of us, on many different levels.

Let me tell you what I know now....

I know in those first weeks after meeting Asher how difficult it was to get a decent picture of him. For every one picture that was decent enough to post, I took 30 that were not. Most of the people I know who have adopted children internationally in the past couple of years did so based on a photo posted at Reece's Rainbow or other photo listing site. There is something that happens to many people who have made their decision based on a photo. 

We didn't have a picture making it a bit more difficult to create an imaginary child. We had a loose description of some of his skills, much of which we later learned was either inaccurate or outdated. What we KNEW is that we had no idea the child we were getting until I GOT there and saw him in person. It was a lot like being pregnant with a prenatal diagnosis. We knew he had Down syndrome and that's about it!

I am SO GLAD we never had that picture. I'm being completely honest here...I know that if we had seen a picture of Asher prior to adopting him, we would likely have turned him down. At two weeks home we can't imagine Asher not being here. No, our adjustment has not been "easy", but it also hasn't been anything we weren't ready for. Yes, there have been surprises. Like the fact Dean and I did not want to adopt a toddler because we feel we had it in us to parent a toddler again. Hey, going back to age SIX seemed very young to us! And now we are doing just that: parenting a child who, although he is 7, he is a toddler in every sense of the word. He is a brand new walker, he is exploring the world like a toddler would, he is eating babyhood and on a bottle. And yes we can hear God laughing at the parameters we set, knowing we absolutely WERE able to parent a toddler again, we just had to be pushed into it.

And now, I'll leave you with two videos. The first of Asher taken on day 2 of visits to the orphanage.


And this video, taken last week, of Axel teaching Asher how to play with a toy. Sorry it's so dark!

12 Days

I took Angela until she was 11 to be able to open the dog kennels, and then only 3 of them. (the fourth requires significantly more hand strength than she can muster.) When we ask her to let the dogs out it is with a groan befitting most teenagers I know.

It took Axel about 6 months to figure out how to open the kennels, and he can open the difficult one too.

With the exception of the difficult one, it took Asher 12 days to figure out how to open the kennels.

We're in trouble.

Comparison

Here's a picture of Asher the day I met him one month ago. It was very difficult to get him to look at me, and eye contact was accidental. Circles under his eyes, skinny face (his temples were sunken in) and no affect. Then one of the pictures I took the other day after two weeks in my care.  Wow....what a difference.

Developmental Milestone

Asher reached a developmental milestone today...at least in the world of newly-adopted, post-institutional care children. Today he not only initiated play with a toy, but he played with it appropriately for several minutes!

Loving Sisters

Notice anything?

Asher Signing (video)

Asher has been in my custody for two weeks now, and here in the U.S. for just over a week. One of my firsts tasks was to give him the ability to communicate.

14 days with me and he can now sign:

more
please
milk
all done
garbage
potty
eat
bye bye

I usually start with the sign for "more". Asher was pretty funny because while we were still in Serbia,  this crazy talking woman (meaning I was speaking English so he had NO CLUE what I was saying!) tried to do hand motions with him and he would squeeze his eyes shut tight and turn away. LOL

Then, the middle of last week things "clicked" with him. Now that he's learned these movements have purpose he will imitate nearly everything I show him. This video was taken the day he learned to sign "more". As you can see, he'd already added "milk" to his list! He still needed a little prompting at this point, but by the next day he was initiating on his own. (See that stack of mail behind him? Yep, still have to go through all that stuff! Oh, and this video of him eating reminds me he's gained FIVE POUNDS in two weeks!

Monkey See, Monkey Do!

Light Switches

Just trying to get caught up on some of the pictures and videos I took while in Serbia. Here's a really short one of Asher discovering light switches.

When you're in a tight spot

When you're in Belgrade, or other parts of Europe where parking spots are very tight, don't park illegally! Your car can disappear in the blink of an eye.

We were driving around looking for a parking spot when we came around a corner to see the strangest thing I've ever seen. We were behind a flatbed truck that suddenly stopped. A guy jumped out of the passenger side and ran over to a car that was parked on the side of the street. Suddenly a small hoist thingy lifted off the truck and swung over, coming to a stop above the car. Four "tentacles" came snaking down and the guy who had come out of the truck quickly hooked them underneath the car. The car was then lifted right out of it's very tight parking spot, swung over and set on the flatbed, and driven away. The whole process took less than one minute! Here's a picture of a similar truck that was taken in Sofia, Bulgaria.

To all our family and friends

Dear friends and family. I have a new favorite blog to read, her name is Jen Hatmaker and she is way smarter than me. She has also adopted a bunch more times than us and knows how to put into words all the things I want to say but can't. If you read NOTHING else online today, please go read this ONE post. Just one, I promise. (but please don't hesitate to click on her link for her"After the Airport" post.) Pretty pretty please, I'm begging you to read it. B.E.G.G.I.N.G. Especially the cooking part. With what we have ahead of us when we get home, (that has nothing to do with Asher!) we're going to really appreciate the cooking part.

Tyler

Tyler  and Noah, 

July 4th 2011

23 years ago today, I welcomed my second son into the world. Tyler was NOT an easy baby by any stretch of the word. In fact, it could have been said that because of Tyler that I waited 7 years to have another baby! Tyler came out screaming and he screamed until he was 4. Tyler was a chubby, olive skinned toddler. With his Bohemian blood just a few minutes outside and he'd get so dark! I remember my mom jokingly asking once if I was putting tanning accelerator on him. LOL

Tyler was also my daredevil. He would try pretty much any stunt his brothers put him up to. He still tells me stories of things I didn't know about, and I have to remind him, "Some things are better for the Mom to not know!"

Here we are years later. Tyler has proven himself to be an intelligent young man, still trying to find his way in this big world. We're thankful that we get to see quite a bit of Tyler, and when he's not around Axel is always asking for him.

I was chatting with Tyler on Skype a few days ago; me in Serbia, him in Minnesota, and I told him I was sorry I would be gone a second year in a row on his birthday, instead completing another adoption. "That's ok Mom. My friends think it's cool that instead of meaningless gifts for my birthday, I get brothers!"

We sure love you Tyler!

Pt 2: On This Day One Year Ago

One year ago today I was having my second visit with Axel. We were having fun, just enjoying each other's com pay, all the other adults speaking Serbian so I was oblivious as to what was being said. Go have a read on my adoption blog post from that day.

Neck Update

As you know, before I left for Serbia Axel's neck had been bothering him. We waited for the orders from his surgeon for a CT scan but they never arrived. Then he seemed to be doing a little better so we decided to do a "wait and see" approach and I would deal with it as soon as I got home.

Well, Axel's been having some problems with school, and he's also started rubbing the back of his neck again.  We have no idea if the behavioral problems are related to pain or my being gone or what, but we're going to give him the benefit of the doubt. Axel needs to have a sedated CT scan so yesterday Dean took him in for a pre-op exam and tomorrow (Friday) they'll head down to St Paul Children's for the test. A ct scan only takes a few minutes, and most kids his age would be able to lay there still for those minutes. But Axel is very claustrophobic, not to mention scared to death of doctors. Rather than try it without sedation only to have Dean end up taking yet another day off work to reschedule a sedated test, we're just going straight for that IV and a nice little nap!

Dean is really nervous about taking Axel for this test. While it's very routine for me to run kids through these things, getting to IV's, knowing my way around the buildings and all of those things, it's very new for Dean. The few times he's been along for something he just followed me. Dean is a great dad and I know he'll do just fine.

Once the test is done Dean will be taking the CD straight to the post office to have it sent to Axel's surgeon in Philadelphia to have a look at. Sometime next week we should know what's going on in there.

Pt 1: On This Day One Year Ago

One year ago today I walked into a conference room full of people. Some of who I'd met before, others were new to me. This was like no other meeting I'd ever attended. First of all, I had to fly to the other side of the world, from Minneapolis to Belgrade, Serbia in order to attend. Secondly, this meeting was to learn all the important details of a child named Djordje S., age 10. I'd met Djordje a few months before during a previous trip and Dean and I decided he would fit into our family.

After going over Djordje's records, the group of us piled into cars and headed south to the town of Kragujevac, Serbia. It's about a 90 minute drive and I was SO nervous!

When we got there, I was quickly reaquinted with the humble little home owned by the foster family. We came around the corner of the little front porch and there stood Djordje, the tiniest 10 1/2 year old I'd ever seen. He was excited to have people coming to visit, and he led us all into the house. I couldn't talk. If I'd opened my mouth I would have started bawling and I didn't want to scare him.

He sat down to the table where he was just finishing his lunch. See the phone in his hand? He'd had it for two years. It had a string on it to go around his neck and it went everywhere with him. It made it to the US still on his neck and we haven't seen it since the moment he walked in our front door. :-(

To Be Continued....

My View from Serbia

Almost every day I get to say good morning to the kids as they get ready for school. What would we do without things like Skype or FaceTime!!! Here was my view from Serbia yesterday.

Angela ready to catch the bus. 

Axel still in his jambes because Papa is trying to mess up the routine before I get back. 

Then, when it's almost bedtime for me, it's time for the kids to come home! I usually get a shot of Axel, but Angela is usually off and running. LOL

Repost Pt11: The Marathon

Just the thought of this day makes me feel cold.

We started the morning in our tiny hotel room in Grand Marais.  It was cool, foggy and damp when we were getting ready to leave. Chaps were definitely in order! If you're not a rider, chaps are WORK do get on! Not only that, but when I started wearing chaps I also discovered that, like a lot of people, my dominant leg (right) which makes my chaps tighter on that leg, which feels funny and bothers me.


We loaded up the bikes and headed into town for breakfast at a nice little cafe, and asked the local fisherman what then knew of the day's weather report. No better people to ask than fisherman!

We were headed to Marathon, Ontario, Canada. We only had a 245 mile ride ahead of us, but we knew it just might possibly get chilly. What we didn't know is it would be the longest 245 miles we'd ever ridden! We stopped at a store in town so Bev could buy some better (read warmer) gloves and some neck thingies, mailed all the post cards that needed mailing, and donned the riding gear we thought most appropriate for the day ahead. We waved goodbye to Sven and Ole's, and hit the road.

We passed through Grand Portage and visited the Witch Tree, and arrived at the border. That's where we learned that "Pepper Spray" needs to be labeled as "Animal Repellant" and Canadian vending machines don't take American coins. Go figure!

It had warmed up a bit, so after taking a break at the visitor center (and an FYI for you bikers crossing the border, there is a helmet law in Canada.) we were able to shed a couple layers, and switch to lighter weight loves. However, over the course of the morning it became apparent that Ontario is a lot like Minnesota, in that the weather can change very quickly. Well some of it has to do with the lake effect. Remember, we're on the shores of Lake Superior.

We stopped for lunch in a tiny little town who's name escapes me, and had lunch at a little diner where the waitress/cook/cashier looked to be about 14 years old, AND you paid extra for each item you ordered. Example: I ordered a burger w/fries. The fries were extra. The mayo was extra. The lettuce and tomato were extra. Tink asked if I had to pay for the plate and the ketchup too.

Shortly after leaving that town we hit the first road construction we'd seen. They were ripping up the pavement so the road had those really nasty grooves in it. In a car, they're not a big deal. On a bike, it makes you wobble all over and feel like you're going to either be pulled into the oncoming traffic on your left, or over the cliff on your right. The way to ride this stuff is to just let the bike go which way it needs to go and not fight it. It's a constant mind game between you, the road, and the bike...10 miles of the mind game. I can ride on gravel and it doesn't bother me. I can ride in the rain, and I'm only slightly annoyed, but give me these grooves and I'm white knuckling it!  Unfortunately we hit this several times during the day for a total of about 75 miles of grooves.

During the day it was drizzling off/on, but never enough to actually need our rain gear, just enough to be a nuisance. And as we climbed higher into the mountains the temperature was dropping.

There's also this funny thing about the metric system there. Speed limits are all listed metrically. Now, I have metric numbers on my speedometer, but Tink, who was always very careful to have us following the speed limits, DID NOT! When it says 70 kmh, that's like doing 45 mph...only Tink was doing more like 60 mph and we were following her. LOL

Finally, with 50 miles left to go, Tink stopped to change to warmer gloves yet again. I asked her, "Do you know how fast you were going through those towns, and do you know what the speed limits were?" She'd had no idea she was doing somtimes 25 mph over the limit! I can't believe we never got pulled over. Anyway, Tink changed gloves. I decided, "Ach! Another 50 miles, I'm fine in what I have on."

10 miles down the road the temperature started dropping dramatically, and it started drizzling. And then the fog rolled in. We kept seeing signs like, "Marathon 60 km". I could look down at my speedometer and figure out how many miles that was, giving me an idea how much torture time we'd had left.

The drizzle got heaver, and turned to 'almost rain", and at one point I swear it was snowing. "Marathon 30 km". OMG...I wished I'd put my warmer gloves on back there!

The highway happened to be a great ride, nice long turns around the mountain's rock walls, and if I wasn't getting so flipping cold I would've been able to really enjoy them!

"Marathon 25 km". Here comes the fog, and more moose crossing signs. I'm starting to have visions of us meeting one of these guys as we come around every corner.

"Marathon 10 km". Oh thank God we we're getting closer! I can't really feel my fingers anymore, and my toes are starting to hurt. I feel dry though. Yes...I do feel dry. My ass is killing me, and I'm shivering, but I am dry. We see a sign that says, "Welcome to Marathon."

"Marathon 5 km". Good grief, will they stop teasing me with those signs? Thank God I brought my full-face helmet. I'd have had to stop 20 times by now to warm up my ears. The air temperature is probably about 40 degrees, which makes it about 30 degrees in the wind on the bike. My teeth are starting to chatter. I swear there was a "Welcome to Marathon" sign back there. Where the HELL is the flipping town already????

FINALLY Tink turns on her right turn signal, and I see we're pulling into a hotel parking lot. I want to kiss the ground, but I have to stop my bike first now, don't I? Tink, in the lead, pulls into a parking spot. As I pull into the lot, I realize I can't feel my brake lever as my fingers are too numb. I downshift to slow down, and my feet hit the pavement, dragging...all the way to through the lot. As I pull into my spot, I'm sort of 1/2 laying over the tank, and I see Tink is laying BACKWARDS over her bags. I see there is a curb ahead of me, and my bike bump against it to stop.

By this point in my delirium I'm laughing hysterically. Tink is flopped own way, and I am flopped another. I look at her and said, "Who's *#@$ idea was this trip, anyway?" She can hardly speak as she says, "Don't you have BRAKES? All I hear coming behind me is cccccrrrrrrrrrrr" and I'm thinking I'm loosing parts or something. (I know this isn't funny reading, guess it was one of those "had to be there" moments."

I had parked in a way that Bev, who was behind me, can pull into the same spot, but instead she parks in the NEXT spot over. Four bikes taking up four parking places is a bit silly. We should be able to get all four bikes into 2 spots. (remember one is a trike) Bev takes one look at me and says, "Are you kidding me? Park next to you??? Who can't even STOP? I don't want you tipping over on my trike!"

Here's where we parked the four bikes (w'e already unloaded them by this time.) If you look really close, you'll notice Scharlett's bike on the far right has a flat tire, but that's another post. ;-)

It's open!

My adoption blog has now been reopened. Hope you enjoy reading over there!

Repost Pt10: Name that household item

Have you ever seen the show, "Who's Line is it Anyway"? They have a segment where they bring out strange items and the comedians have to come up with ways to use them.

Well, here is our version of that show. We were in the little motel in Grand Marais (if you're in a corner room you're good to go, if you're not...well...SQUEEZE!) and it just might be possible we'd had a little bit to drink.

Tink came out of the bathroom carrying this thing. Give something like this to a bunch of drunk women, and all kinds of things happen! We ASSUME it's some kind of toilet plunger, but you know what they say about the word "ASSUME"!

Repost Pt9: Sandy/Crystal

Here we are, in Grand Marais, resting as we watch the traffic go by on the highway. 3o seconds after taking this picture I was snoring in my chair. Getting this picture was a major undertaking, as it involved teaching Tink how to use the timer on her camera. What you can't see is the camera is sitting on the cover of the sewer drain. (click on the picture to make it bigger.)

Then we headed for dinner at Sven and Ole's Pizza.

For some reason, whenever the four of us walked into an establishment we attracted a lot of attention. It could have been the fact that four biker chicks just walked in, in full biker gear (including helmet hair.) and these small towns had never seen anything like that before. Or, it could have been that we tended to be loud and giggly and nearly hyperventilating with laughter. We'd like to think it was our great humor, but more than likely it was because we were annoying people. At Sven and Ole's one man came to sit right next to us even though there were 20 empty tables, just so he could watch the show.

It was here that we met Sandy/Crystal. No...really, she told us, "My name is Sandy, unless I'm in Arizona, then it's Crystal." Yeah, our eyebrows went up on that one! Sandy/Crystal is in her mid 60's..maybe 70. Like people often would, Sandy/Crystal came over to our table to say hello. I sooo wish I had a video, because this was the "Fargo" movie at it's finest! Sandy could be a call in to a radio show and get paid because she speaks true Minnesotan!

Anyway, Sandy/Crystal told us about a group of 4 wheel'in women in town who have quite a reputation, and "Oh how much fun they have together. I wish I could join them donchya know." We encouraged her to step out of her comfort zone, just like we had to come on this trip, and join their group. That we were sure she'd be welcomed with open arms. Honestly, Sandy/Crystal appears to be a very active lady, so I'm sure she'd be able to keep up. We told her about our tattoos, and she promptly showed us ALL OF HERS! One of us took a picture of Sandy/Crystal, that I'm trying to track down. You'll just die when you see her. I swear, her white permed hair had a blue hint to it!