Funniest Email EVER!

Today I got the funniest email EVER! Now this is either an interesting way to get illegal aliens to tell they're here, or the best phishing scheme ever. Somehow I don't think the Dept. of State is going to be using an email address from MSN! LOL Besides, I'm already IN the U.S. I sure don't need the free airline ticket to get here. I'd sure like to talk to Mr. Green Johnson or Fatima Luwis at the "Ken Tucky" Embassy.

The Official U.S Green Card Lottery Program United States Department of State, National Visa Center   65 Rochester Ave. ( Portsmouth. NH 03801-2909) www.usgreencardlottery.org     Case File  Number:  WAC-475-678-4736 Preferences Categories:  DV DIVERSITY Foreign State Chargeability: Asia-Pacific      Congratulations!  You have been selected among the lucky winners of the U.S. Green Card in the (DV- Program) for the fiscal year-2011. Winners were selected at random via-computer-draw system of e-mail extractions. Notification is through the selected  e-mail addresses (undisclosed).   The filing of  immigrant visa petition is the initial-step required to receive the green Card,The visa will permit you to travel to the U.S. to receive your green card. 5.7 Million e-mail were randomly extracted ,the email addresses were assigned to different Ticket-numbers for representation for final selection,and your e-mail address attach to ticket number #876512 drew the number that won you the green card. Approximately 988 winners have been notified through their e-mail addresses including you today Wednesday 28, September 2011.     Please complete and return form DS-38 for yourself and all accompanying family members for the filing of your immigrant visa petition at the National Visa center for the processing of your visa and scheduling of your visa interview appointment at the U.S. Embassy nearest to you for the issuance of your visa.   The winner's files have been dispatched to the U.S. immigration offices in the six geographical regions for the immigrant-visa issuance application guidelines. Your file was among those submitted at the U.S. immigration office in the (Asia-Pacific) region as indicated. Therefore, to receive the above-mentioned form, please contact  Asia Pacific office With below e-mail address or telephone number.   Contact person: Mr Green Johnson Address:120-122 Wireless Road Bangkok Thailand, Tel:+ 66-853-193-422 or + 66-850-227-510 Email:amlss@america.hm   You need to complete the paper works quickly to enhance your chances of early visa Issuance. Selected winners and accompanying-family members who do not receive visasby December 30, 2011 will derive no further-benefits from-their green card winning status.   The Diversity Lottery immigrant visa (IV) application fee for each applicant payable to the US Embassy who processes the visas on  your Visa interview day,Visa fee is $400. For non immigrant visa application fee increase, click here> Page 1 of 1 Application Fees for Non-Immigrant Visas to Increase ...   Do not reply back to this notification e-mail contact our Asia Pacific office with the above contact details,  Please retain this letter for further correspondences.   Sincerely          , Mrs  Fatima Luwis, Secretary General US Consulate Ken Tucky US DEPARTMENT OF STATE.

Popcorn

Tonight is all about Angela. Here's why!

Here's a picture taken about two months before she got her braces on. Angela is missing several adult teeth, so the braces moved a lot around to fill all but one gap. It's hard to see in this picture (if you click on it I think it'll get bigger) but her front teeth came together at an angle. Also, you can see her second top tooth on her left is sideways. Her bottom teeth? "Jumbled" comes to mind. They were all over the place and are now nice and straight!

This picture was taken just a couple weeks after she got her braces on. WOW!!! Pretty sure that was a different kid! This very rapid weight gain was from taking Depakote for her seizures. 

And here's an "after" photo. She has two and a half years of orthodontic work behind her now! She was actually supposed to have about another  months but we decided it was time to be done.

Stubborn Much?

Are you the parent of a child with Down syndrome? Is your child "stubborn", or is your child really trying to tell you something? Here's a great article! "Stubborn is....as stubborn Does".

Please spread the word!

Most of you know that Axel was adopted from Serbia. For those who are new here...umm...Axel was adopted from Serbia. :-)

Serbia is a small country, close in size to the state of Minnesota. There are approximately 50 children on Serbia's registry for international adoption. To protect the privacy rights of their children, Serbia does NOT allow photo listings. While I do know many of the children who are on Serbia's registry, the Serbian ministry has asked that I not share specific information about them.

But I will say this: There are many children with Down syndrome as well as other special needs on that list. There are also children on the list who were just added to the registry in the past week. There are children who's needs are simply that they've been in an institutional facility their entire lives and it shows.
Although Serbia is working hard toward change, at this very moment there is nothing there for the children who have significant needs. I know the facilities they are moved to. I won't say anything more other than we need to get these kids into families!

Serbia is a very easy and inexpensive country to adopt from. From the moment we started our homestudy until Axel was in my custody was 4 months.  Please email me privately at deanleah at comcast.net and I can give you the direct contact information for the Serbian Ministry adoption unit.

A very different post about school

So this post is about Axel's school. I could say, "Axel's school is amazing. It is everything I envisioned for him and more." And end the post right there. But that would just not do his program justice.

Axel is the only (and the first ever) hearing child in an all-deaf special education setting. Last spring, while it was a little early for him to be starting school, I was quickly brought to the realization that he is FAR more of a visual learner than I ever thought. His level of sign language usage was far beyond that of any of the classroom staff or other students. (this was not their fault, just not their area of training.) He needed a program where he could communicate with staff AND students naturally.

It wasn't easy to get him into the program he's in. But, everyone who sees him there agrees, it is perfect for him. He is coming home with not only 4-5 new signs every day. (how many days of school so far this year???) But he's using them in ASL sentences, such as showing me how the clouds were moving across the sky, or how a car crosses the street, and how he gets on the bus. It's amazing, and I'm so happy.

I thank God every day for his wonderful teachers and support staff, many of whom have experience with older adopted children, and ALL of them have worked with students who've come to the program with NO language whatsoever.

It is not all roses though. The thorns are Axel's behavior as he learns to function in the world without my at his side. To learn that he's accountable to mom and dad even when he can't see us. (see my "Voice of God: Developing a Conscience" series that I have yet to finish. LOL) This is a whole new world for him, and he's having to learn so many things all at once.

So, while I may get frustrated with Axel, and the things going on in school, it's familiar territory for me, and I know it's just a natural process that we will continue to work through. All of us (teacher, support staff and myself) truly feel like a team.

School

You might get bored hearing me talk about school all the time this year, but I have a feeling it's going to be a frequent topic on my blog, so you've been warned.

I will start out by saying there are some school staff who read my blog, and they get a little crabby at me when I post about problems at school. I know better than to think that every school situation is 100% perfect, and my blog is my place to vent. Picture me with hands on hips as I say, " It's my blog, and I'll post what I want." As long as I'm not giving out the names of the school or staff, school is just going to have to deal with it. I also realize that what I'm posting is *my* perspective which is based on what information has come to me either through Angela or other avenues. That's all I can base my opinion on...my perspective. So as you're ready to criticize me for my perspective, remember that's how it's formed. And maybe, just maybe, if you're getting defensive as you read my school related posts, it's because you know things need to change.

My blog is also for other parents, those who may be coming behind us in this district, or who are just learning to navigate the world of special education in some other district in the country. I know that I'm a good advocate for my kids, but I also know I make mistakes. Maybe other parents can learn from my mistakes and my kids' successes.

Enough of the disclaimers already....

You may remember this post I made right before school started. If you haven't read it yet, it's short but will help you understand the rest of this post.

So the first day of school I called and left a message for Angela's special ed. teacher. I knew the first day was going to be pretty busy so didn't expect to hear back until later in the day since it wasn't an emergency. I did hear back from her later, about a different issue since she hadn't gotten my voicemail yet. (I just found out today....a week later and by a different staff person...that they've been having problems with voicemail and email retrieval.)

That phone call allowed me to ask the teacher some questions, like why there was no support staff at the Freshman Orientation? why didn't anyone meet Angela at the bus? Why didn't I hear from Special. Ed staff during workshop week so everyone was on the same page? And more....

So we've talked a couple times over the last week and each time I just feel more irritated. Her teacher left a message one day asking if I could send a communication notebook so she doesn't have to call everyday. HUH? 1) She's called twice. 2) In my opinion communication notebooks are not appropriate for high school. Angela rides the regular ed. bus, and as you all know, kids are not always nice. The last thing I want is for that notebook to get in the hands of some kid. I sometimes have to write some pretty personal information. (likewise, IEPS and similar documents should not be getting sent home with kids either!)
............

Ok, School started on September 6th, and I wrote the beginning of this post on September 12th. I never got around to finishing it because I've been so frustrated I've hardly been able to formulate my thoughts. Plus I'm back to school myself this fall, and there just is no time! I don't even know where to start anymore. When "gym" is nothing but playing Wii and walking on a treadmill (for three weeks, when it's BEAUTIFUL outside!) , when cleaning up after the entire rest of the school's lunchroom mess is a task put to the Special Ed. students as "job training", when we spent three years teaching Angela to use a planner, and I bought the one required for all Freshman, but I have yet to see it come home; those are just the "little things". I haven't even touched on the safety issues.

Let me just say this: Angela's school is in non-compliance in several areas of her IEP. Guess what? I'm a parent who checks up on these things! Still I keep hearing, "Nobody has ever brought this to our attention before." Seriously? Not one parent has held this school accountable to their child's IEP? I find that hard to believe. All the supports we had in place for Angela to be successful in school are gone. It's as if nobody has even read the IEP. I'm sure they must have, since that is their job, but it seems as if they haven't.

I am beyond frustrated, I am angry, and I am tired.

And Angela? She is completely loving school, and being a freshman!!!! There are such low expectations put upon her that it's just one big social hour. What's not to love?

We have a meeting scheduled for Monday. Just writing this post makes my blood boil so I don't expect the meeting to be pleasant.

Pt 2: The Voice of God: Developing a Conscience

In my previous post you read about Bentham's theory as to how people develop a conscience. I didn't know about this theory until two days ago. I've really been flying by the seat of my pants with Axel, but after learning about Bentham, I tend to agree with him.

When Axel first came to us, he was very much a blank slate. There had been little to no behavioral expectations put upon him, and he had no idea how to behave in public. During my visits to the foster home he pulled my hair a couple of times, laughing while he did it. Although I couldn't understand the language spoken by the other adults in the room, their faces - their lack of surprise - told my this was typical behavior for him and their failure to address the behavior told me they had no intention of correcting it. Although I took note, it would be two days before I realized just how much Axel had to learn. I was prepared but I wasn't ready.

I wrote about my first day as Axel's mother here. I knew that day we had a long way to go and a short time to get there. I had just two weeks to train Axel in the ways of public behavior before I'd have to take him through crowed airports, stand in lines, and spend hours on end sitting on a plane. I was quick to discover that tiny activity that was "just being a kid" was the indicator he was very quickly ramping up to something much bigger. I know I seemed incredibly strict with Axel, but I needed to bring his mind backward in time, to undo some of the hardwiring in there, and re-wire new pathways.

Together we did it. Surprisingly Axel never cried during those early days. I thought for sure he would become so frustrated with me, my language, and my high expectations that he would have frequent meltdowns but he didn't. I thought he'd express some sadness at the loss of his previous, easy life where he could do what he wanted....but he didn't. I wouldn't go so far as to say he liked having limits though, as that would be stretching it. Still, we did it. We made it home with both of us in one piece. Axel had a pretty clear understanding of where my limits were, but Dean was going to be a new person in his life and I knew there would be much testing. And there was.

Upon arriving home, our first mission for Axel was to learn how to function in our home. That in this house you may not do a,b,c, but you are expected to do x,y and z. Axel learned quickly, and soon I didn't feel like I needed my eyes on him every second. We also have Angela in the house and although I'd been told Axel had often played with a neighbor child at the foster home, I wondered who had supervised because he really had no idea how to play. When Axel and Angela played together they had to be either in the living room or Axel's bedroom (which is about 10 feet from the living room.) Angela can get easily carried away too, so between the two of them I had to always keep a close ear on them. ONCE I had let Axel play downstairs in the basement with Angela. ONCE. He just wasn't ready for that kind of freedom and self monitoring. To be honest, Angela wasn't ready to have this new brother invading what had, until that point, been her own private domain.

Axels spinal fusion surgery forced us to take a step back since he couldn't do the stairs without a lot of help. Angela would often come up to Axel's room to play then go back to her lair. Ten to fifteen minutes was about all they could handle. The few times we had other kids over just sent Axel over the top and he couldn't contain himself. He wasn't ready.

Slowly the two kids learned about one another, (including how to manipulate each other!) In the meantime Dean and I also taught Axel how to behave in public with us, and although for the summer we had PCA services (personal care assistance, like a well-paid babysitter who often has extra training) for a few hours each week, I did not allow them to take Axel out in public. He didn't yet understand that he has to behave for ALL caregivers, not just us. That meant he first had to learn to behave for other caregivers in our home environment. When we did have a PCA we usually limited the time to 3-4 hour blocks. The days when I had someone there for an entire day were rough on everyone. Often I had my PCA take Angela out of the house to do something Axel wasn't able to do with his halo, giving everyone a break from one another.

Stay tuned for Axel's transition into school...

The Voice of God: Developing a Conscience, pt 1

 con·science   [kon-shuhns]  Show IPA

noun

1. the inner sense of what is right or wrong in one's conduct ormotives, impelling one toward right action: to follow thedictates of conscience.

2. the complex of ethical and moral principles that controls orinhibits the actions or thoughts of an individual.

In the late 1700's, philosopher Jeremy Bentham, in an attempt to address legal and social reform, proposed a design for a prison. He called it the Panopticon.

Bentham's theory was that criminals had no conscience. We develop a conscience as very small children. If you're a parent, you know that you never have to teach a child to be bad. They do it all on their own without any coaching. Instead we have to teach them to be good! We model good behavior, we teach them the meaning of "no", etc. Conscience first happens when children behave well because they know Mom and Dad are watching; they are "God" in the child's eyes. About the same time they are also developing empathy, which helps with the development of "conscience". In the Christian community, around age 3 or so children begin to understand that "God" is the next parent, the ultimate parent, if you will, and that he is all-knowing. We do good and act well because that is what God wants us to do. God...or the thought that God is watching, becomes our conscience.

In Bentham's Panopticon prison, the cells are situated in a circular pattern with the guards in the center, allowing them full vision of the prisoners. Tubes were run to each cell to be used like an intercom system so the guards to tell the prisoners to stop doing whatever it was they shouldn't be doing. They would become the conscience for the prisoners. Soon the prisoners would think before acting, "Who's watching me?" eventually developing a better sense of right and wrong. They developed their own conscience. Although Bentham's plan wasn't accepted, later generations were influenced by his thinking.

Now lets look at a child raised in an institution similar to where Axel was raised. They spend much, if not all of their early years sitting in a crib alone. They don't play with other children. They don't learn the meaning of "no". In their confined world behind the bars of a crib, there is no need to develop a conscience.

Enter into my life a boy named Axel.

To be continued.....

Sometimes...

Sometimes Axel spits out information that he's been saving for a perfect occasion. Now, Axel usually only says one word/sign at a time. We really have to pull to get more out him.

Yesterday I was at school with him (next post!) and I guess he was feeling a little chatty. Suddenly he signed, "Papa fishing big fish boat". WOW!!! That's the most we've ever gotten out of him! It was awesome!

His aids looked at me very excited, "He's never said so much at once, and this is the first time he said ANYTHING about his fishing trip!"

Love this boy. He's amazing. (and very good at being cute at just the right time to get himself out of trouble.)

Want to know?

Many years ago, on an online forum (www.downsyn.com) I met a mom named Adrienne. She has a little guy Russell. Ok, Russell isn't so little anymore I guess. Anyway, she also had two other kids Reese and Regan, both of whom are the best sisters ever. Check out the amazing video Regan made for her brother. It's a message you'll be glad you heard today.

Regan, thank you for being a voice for ALL your virtual brothers and sisters.



Regan, thank you for being a voice for ALL your virtual brothers and sisters.

Crickets and Fish

There are crickets chirping around here! Can you hear them? I'm wondering if the comment button is broken or something! LOL

We've been busy around here. Last week was the first week of school. Angela did fine, I didn't do fine with Angela's school. Axel didn't do so fine, so I went to school for the entire day with him on Thursday. I hear Friday was much better, but he only had to be there until noon because Papa, his most favorite person in the whole world, picked him up and took him fishing for the weekend, 4 hours away Up North. (that is capitalized because "Up North" is a special place for those of us in Minnesota!)

Axel caught several fish!

Got his baseball hat. Got his fish'in pole!

 Got his life jacket!

Got his Papa!

Ok, well NOT super thrilled about walking on this dock thingy.

See Dean's grin? I think just breathing in the air Up North makes him high or something.

Oh Axel, you got one! REEL Buddy, REEL!!! (check out his tongue sticking out. LOL)

Axel's FIRST FISH!!!!!! YEA AXEL!!!!!

This things kinda gross really. (Notice he's now wearing rubber gloves? LOL)

 

Each one got a little bigger....

Going fast is FUN!!! We'll turn him into an adrenaline junkie like Angela in no time!

Breathing in the Up North air makes a boy tired. Nothing like a nap in the boat while being gently rocked. I always feel the same way. LOL

Axel's BIG fish! Papa was so proud. 

Ok, it's not THAT great. Get that thing away from me.

Of course, Dean says I need to post a picture of HIS fish too! 24 lb Northern. HUGE!!!! Later Axel caught a 10 lb fish but it flipped out of the net. 

Wait, let's look at that picture again, shall we? Click on it to make it bigger, and take a look at Axel's face! 

Axel came home filthy, with a dirty face and smelling of fish, just like a boy should! I'll leave you with this adorable smile...

Happy Boy

Little Boy Blue holding his little yellow frog, all ready for some fun!

 

About that first day

I've gotten emails and phone calls today asking how the first day went for the kids. I'm not really sure what to say and I'm still trying to process it.

Axel's day was good, with nothing happening that wasn't expected.  Tues and Thurs I have to pick him up early to bring him to speech and OT, so I was able to touch base with his teacher "K" for a few minutes. She said that Axel spent most of the day testing every boundary he could think of, and trying to boss all the other kids around. Pretty much what we expected! LOL He did find himself on two time-outs and was a bit miffed by that. Not only does his teacher understand him, and he understands her (and can't pretend he can't!) but she doesn't put up with any crap from him. She is nurturing and fun, and has very clearly defined boundaries.

There is something about the post-institutional child that is important to know. Many (most?) have never learned anything but the most basic of boundaries, and that's if they were in a "good" facility. Axel wasn't for the first 7 1/2 years of his life. When learning to live in a family, or function in school, Axel had no idea what was allowed and what was not. When telling him something like, "If you do x again, you will need to sit." it's the same as telling him it's OK to do it again; that doing it twice is allowed.  Instead he needs to know, by immediate consequences the very first time he does something unacceptable, that it's not allowed. To outsiders it probably seems that we're being incredibly strict with him. We are. We're teaching him how to function in a world where kids his age know what's right and wrong. And he's learning. He's learned that he has to behave for both Dean and I. Thankfully his teacher is on the same page and is very used to kids coming in who, due to language barriers in the home (such as a deaf child with hearing parents) they've learned to manipulate their world in unacceptable ways. Axel is a quick study, so I'm hoping he's quick to learn that he has to behave at school and is accountable to Dean and I even when he can't see us. Now, dealing with him bossing everyone around is another issue that I'm sure his teacher is fully capable of handling.

By the time Axel and I got home from ST/OT it was 4:30. (Thursday will be later) Considering he got up at 6:00 this morning made for a very long day. He was in bed for the night by 7:30 with a smile on his face. He was so happy to be back to school and to know he gets to go again tomorrow!

And how was Angela's day? Well that's a good question. I've heard two different stories. I'll keep my comments very basic. Let me just say I can see communication with school, along with a few other things, could be an issue this year. It's going to be a long year and I already want to burry my head in the sand. For people, first impressions are everything, and this can be true of school too.  Having been in the special education system myself for many years, I know that first day of school can't necessarily be used as a gauge for the year to come. I'm hanging onto that thought even though my gut is saying otherwise.

First Day 2011

A bittersweet first day of school picture. We've lost one dog but added a son.

Thought I'd lost him

Mr. T. Frog has been hanging around, as usual. He waits for the front porch lights to go on an night. It makes the wall kind of like a little froggy buffet.

Then we didn't see him for several days. I was sure the snake that lives under the deck must have gotten him. The the other night we found him watching us through the window that is right next to the porch light.

Just hanging out, watching us. Ok, not really..he was waiting for bugs to crawl in front of him on the glass. Right after I snapped this shot he caught one. It's like National Geographic right in front of me, only 2 inches big.

School Jitters

Angela doesn't know what "first day jitters" are. She's so excited she can hardly stand it. It's the mom who's having issues. Lets see, maybe because I haven't heard a SINGLE WORD from the Special Ed department at school? This is a new school for her, and all new staff. I don't know them, they don't know me, and they don't know Angela.

Last week was Freshman orientation, and the kids split off from their parents, got their pictures taken, found their lockers. etc. I assumed (man, I should just know better than this by now. I mean, we ARE in high school, right?) that the Special Ed. department would have an aid or someone on hand to greet whatever kids came in from the program. If they were there, I never saw them and they never introduced themselves to me. Angela got her picture taken without my help (including without me to get her hair out of her mouth, make sure there's no food in her braces, etc.) so who knows what they look like? She got to find her locker. That's great! While the other kids were practicing their combinations, what was Angela doing? She uses a key for her locker. Did anyone have a key for her?

Tomorrow I'll watch from the kitchen window as she gets on her bus (I'm not 'allowed' to be anywhere visible, of course.) and assume that someone is going to meet her bus at school as the throng of high schoolers rush the building. I'm torn between letting go; waiting to see how she handles herself, and...and...and becoming "that mom".  I hope this is not an indicator of what communication will be like throughout the year.