Reality check

Monday night Angela started basketball. Angela and I got to the Y early and walked a mile on the track together. That felt good!

Well, the weather here that day was HORRIBLE, so a lot of the athletes didn't show up, and the same was true for several of the coaches. Instead we had a nice practice with a smaller group of kids.

Let start with warm-ups, shall we?

There were about 8 or so kids and their parents. We all sat around in a circle for warm-ups, Angela and I next to each other. Stretching: Not too bad, though my arms are too short and I'm nowhere near able to reach my toes. I noticed the other parents were able to reach theirs. But, like I said, my arms are too short.

Sit-ups: I opted to be the foot-holder for this activity, and encouraged Angela to squeeze out 10 sit-ups. I know she does more than this at school, but 10 seemed like a lot to me at the moment.

Push-ups. Ok...I can remember a day that really doesn't seem that long ago (well, 25 years disappears in a flash, doesn't it?) when I was maxing out the Army Basic Training PT test EVERY WEEK. I was running 10 miles per day. And I could do all kinds of different pushups. On Monday, I was able to do 4. FOUR push-ups. UGH! I noticed the other parents, and I'm pretty sure they all did 10, or they faked it really well. Angela wasn't able to do even one, though that mostly seemed to be a coordination issue. I KNOW she used to do push-ups quite well, but she's gained a lot of weight this year, and it's all in her belly. This has caused her to be unable to do them anymore.

When we were done, I was looking at Angela and , and (I know I'm not supposed to do this) comparing ourselves to the other families there. What has happened? comparing ourselves to the other families there. What has happened? Most people don't look at Angela and think, "Wow, she's really overweight!" She's a little on the plump side. LOL At 54 1/2 inches, and 103 lbs, her BMI is at the 93%, and she is overweight. Loosing just 9 pounds would make a big difference for her.

I felt horrible. Isn't it my responsibility to keep Angela fit? She's certainly active, in fact there is NO WAY we could squeeze in another activity, but I know I haven't done the best job of monitoring her diet. We go in fits and spurts of really healthy eating, then a month or so of crap. Shame on me.

And then I got to thinking, I CAN squeeze in one more activity. Walking! Angela and I really enjoyed walking together on the track! It's interesting, because she has always hated walking with me on the street, but I think she liked the repetitiveness of walking the track. She liked counting every time we passed the elevator, and the kids in the pool down below. AND... this is something we could do together on a regular basis. Not daily, but certainly a few times per week. And, the days that she can't swim because we have other commitments, we could certainly go walking right after school! Or maybe lap swim? Between that and a diet change, maybe Angela will start to feel the benefits of additional strength and endurance? Hmmmm Maybe mom would benefit form it too? LOL

Rebellion

Is it possible to rebel against yourself? This whole weight loss thing (or shall I say, WEIGHT GAIN) is getting the best of me. But what's KILLING ME is this feeling of rebellion I have, and I feel like I'm rebelling against myself. Honestly I don't know how else to describe it.

Starting over...again!

When I divorced 6 years ago I was a fat and frumpy 30 something mom. It didn't take me long to learn that in order to get dates I had to 1) loose weight 2) stop dressing like a mom! I had never realized that Mom's who live in farm country very quickly get into a rut in how they dress and (don't) take care of themselves. I was on a mission!

Fast forward a couple of years. I was now in fantastic shape at 140 lbs. I stopped drinking the 4+ bottles of Mountain Dew every day, I walked 3 miles every morning BEFORE work, AND was working out an hour every night. (I got more compliments on my arms by other women!) I'll never forget meeting the guy I was currently dating for a lunch date. It was summer and I'd just bought myself a new outfit. It wasn't anything special, just a pair of shorts and a shirt, but as I walked up to the table he was seated at, a huge smile came across his face as he said, "Wow! You look GREAT!"

Never in two marriages had I heard those words before. I vowed I was never going to get fat again.

A couple months and a break-up later I met Dean. I kid you not, within 4 months I'd gained 20 lbs back. I was furious with myself. I started back on the long road to loosing it, and was just about there when Angela got sick. I spent that winter living in the hospital, and eating hospital foods. My love affair with Mountain Dew was rekindled, and the workout stopped. I had given up.

A year and a half ago I bought into Nutrisystem. I actually did loose a fair amount of weight on the system, but it's expensive and I couldn't keep it up, and it bothered me that I did it before without spending so much money. Again, I gave up.

This summer I bought my first and second motorcycles. I'd had visions of being a hot biker chick on my bike, but turned out to be anything but. I wear my hair very short and with the extra weight it makes me look like a guy. I could hear Satan in my ear saying, "you're not what your Dean wanted! He doesn't like to be seen with you looking like this."

And so here I am again. I was going to start my workouts the day Angela went back to school. Well, that just didn't happen, so I started today!!!! I went back to my "Firm" videos that I used before Dean and I met. I really like them, but man are they TOUGH!!! I remember being able to get through the entire video, and finish with my clothes satisfyingly soaked, confirming the calories that had been burned. Today I made it only 15 minutes into the video. (that's just the warm-up!) Tomorrow I promise to go 20 minutes, and keep adding a few more minutes until I can make it all the way through the 62 minute workout.

As for next spring? I'll be that hot biker chick!