Arrrrgh!

About 2 months ago I took Asher in for a check up with his eye specialist. We're still really concerned about his left eye. After almost a year in glasses it still isn't functioning very well. The doctor said it was time to start patching.

The first time I put a patch on him it was more than I could stand. His little eye turned right to his nose and he couldn't bring it out to center to see at all. (the good eye is patched, forcing the weaker eye muscles to kick in) When his lip stuck out I knew he was truly overwhelmed. I dreaded patching his eye every day. We were supposed to be working up to eight full ours of patching every day. I wasn't very good about following through at all. Then his glasses got broken at school so he was nearly a month with out them.

My other problem is I don't want him only patched at school so that "school" becomes the preferred place because "home" is where the patch is on. I decided to wait until Christmas break so we could work up to the full eight hours.

Right now I have alarms set on my phone to go off at several times through out the day. The patch goes on for 90 minutes, comes off for 2 hours, then back on for 90 minutes. By Weds next week these times will blend together so he's wearing the patch for the prescribed length of time.

My poor Ashie! About every 5 minutes he comes to me signing "Please" then takes my hand and puts it to his eye; his way of asking me to take it off. Then every three minutes he signs "glasses" because he can't see well and he knows his glasses allow him to see. He has his glasses on during the patching times but I'm sure in his head trying to figure out why they're not working.

Still, he maintains his very sunny disposition. He's such a happy boy!

Tonight

Tonight you took my face
in your hands
and turned me
so my eyes met yours

Tonight your eyes
looked deep into my soul
and told me things
that only God knows

Tonight in your eyes
I saw the love
of angels
and the wisdom
of God

Tonight those deep
dark pools of light
bottomless and crystal clear
brought me back
from somewhere
far away
like an anchor

Tonight your eyes
flashed both forward and
back in time
simultaneously
a baby
a woman
in those eyes

Tonight
piercing but
gentle eyes
hold both question
and answer

They hold the world
your eyes
Tonight

Just a haircut

I want to get Angela's hair cut. Something short and sassy, but still feminine enough that she won't be mistaken for a boy. I went to Stellure.com and did a one month membership that allowed me to upload a photo and select hairstyles to view with Angela's face super imposed in them. (It was interesting, but not worth the $20.)

Part of the process of using this program is establishing certain points on the face that become landmarks the computer uses for making a digital rendition of the subject. Zoomed in on Angela's eye I mapped out the exact corners, the center of her pupil, the arch of her brow line, her perfect eye brows. As I marked the bridge of her nose, I discovered she finally has one!

I tried on some funky hairstyles, then decided to mess around with my face. As I mapped out my eye, I re-discovered that Angela and I have exactly the same eyes. I was reminded of a time when I was a little girl around 11 or 12 years old. I was at a friend's house and her little sister (then about 6 or so) asked me, "Are you chinese? You have Chinese eyes." Well, I'm very much german caucasion, but I definetly have almond shaped eyes. These eyes match my daughter's and my mothers. Nobody else in our family has these eyes.

As I matched Angela's nose it reminded me of a nose I'd seen before. I pulled out a picture of my son Noah at about 9 years old, and one of me at 10. Sure enough, all three of us have the same nose.

I mapped out Angela's mouth; the down-turned corners that are a marker of her extra genetic material. Except that they also mark her family, as I have the same downturned mouth. (I just have more creases in the corners of mine!)

I mapped out her ears, the right one being slightly over-curled, and both set low on her head. Funny...that's where mine sit too.

Examining Angela's features this way brought back memories of the day after Angela was born. I stood at her bedside in the NICU as the neonatologist went over her body, feature by feature, showing me what things pointed to Down Syndrome. "But she just looks like me." I said. Really...she just looked like me. I'm sure they thought, "oh that poor mom. She just doesn't want to see that something is wrong with her baby." But no....really....she just and still does, look just like me.