Garden of Eagan

 November 2021: Trip 1

Adopting from Bulgaria is a long process, made longer when the potential adoptive parent drags their feet getting things done. That was me. During pre-pandemic times, Bulgaria was a two-trip process, requiring one parent to travel to Bulgaria twice. The first trip is to meet the child, spend a week getting to know them, and determine if you will accept or refuse the referral. Due to the pandemic many families were required have a virtual first trip. However, families adopting older children could choose to do in-person, and parents adopting teens were often required to do first trip, as teens have the ability to say yes or no to the adoption. In our case, because our potential daughter has cognitive delays we opted to do an in-person trip. We wanted to make sure our new girl would fit into our family and there were no red flags that would put our other kids at risk. 

Upon receiving our official referral, we had sent a book I made that told a bit about our family in a way she could understand. Pictures of our kids living at home, our pets, the bedroom she would have, pictures of our school, etc. 

In November 2021 I traveled to Bulgaria to meet our daughter. My good friend Brigitte came along to keep my company. (Also, we laugh a lot, which is a good way to relieve stress!!) 

We first flew into Sofia, Bulgaria. The next day we made the 5 hour drive to the city of Shumen where our potential daughter was in foster care. We checked into a hotel for the week, and the next morning I would meet her for the first time! I didn’t sleep even one minute that night, so excited for our meeting!!! I had so many questions running through my mind, wondering about her needs, her potential behaviors, does she actually WANT a mother? (Because she is old enough to say no.)  Stuff like that. 

That first night in the hotel I didn’t not sleep even one minute! Pretty sure I kept Brigitte up all night with my tossing and turning. FINALLY it was time to get UP, eat breakfast and go! 

We walked just a couple blocks down the street, into a building, up a flight of steps and…THERE SHE WAS!!! 

She recognized me from the book we had sent, and she threw her arms around me. “MOMMO!!!!! She yelled! This is the first picture of us together. 

Now, if you are unfamiliar with adoptions, you will think, “Oh wow! So sweet she was excited to see you!”. Yeah, no. My first thought was, “Ok then! Indiscriminate affection? Check! Zero attachment to foster family? Check! Then ask she dragged me around the room and bossed around the other adults, “Must be in control of the situation at all times? Check!”

You see, these are all the survival skills of a child who has been abandoned multiple times, has never felt safe developing attachments (and likely will struggle with this through her adult life.) and who is looking for the next caregiver in what has been a line of many who have walked out of her life. 

And we said yes. To all of it. Because in the end I saw nothing surprising, nothing that we haven’t already dealt with, and nothing that raised red flags that would put our other kids at risk. 

Developmentally she is around 5 years old. As an English speaker who does not understand Bulgarian she sounds like she is chattering away.  I had to rely on our translator/NGO rep to let me know what she was actually saying in actual words. I learned most people in Bulgaria cannot understand her, or understand only very little of what she is saying. She only has approximately 30 words and many of those are difficult to understand. 

Over the course of the week we had some fun adventures getting to know one another. One day we walked to the top of Founders of the Bulgarian State Monument, which was built in 1981 to commemorate 1300 years of Bulgaria, and is 1300 steps up to the top of Ilchov Bair Hill in Shumen Plateau Nature Park. Let me tell you, that is A LOT of steps up a VERY steep hill!!! Our girl trotted all the way up while we adults just tried to keep breathing in and out. Pictures of me were taken by our girl. 

 then it was time to go home. One of my tasks during the week was deciding if she would have a new name or keep her own. Dean and I had discussed names a lot, the pros and cons of giving her another “A” name to fit with our other kids, or just keeping her Bulgarian name. We had decided to wait and see where she was at cognitively, and if she understood what it meant to get a new name. On my very first visit she turned and asked her social worker a question. It took them a bit to decipher what she was asking, but it came down to, “What will my new name be?”  This was Monday, and I had until Weds to decide. 

On Tuesday evening I was kind of a mess about the name thing. By this time Dean and I were down to one name chosen by us, and her Bulgarian name. My friend Brigitte and I were walking, and talking, discussing all the options as I had with Dean. I just didn’t know what was right. All of a sudden I looked up, and we were standing beneath a Bulgarian jewelry store. The name of the store was a name Dean and I had chosen, with a slightly different spelling. I called Dean and we agreed this was exactly what her first  name would be. (We later found out this is a family middle name on Dean’s side.)

The next day I had to sign the forms to accept her referral, to proceed with the adoption, and to apply for her new birth certificate once the adoption was final. Together she and I made several pieces of jewelry with her full name on them (first, middle, last) which she was very proud of. She showed them off to everyone. The next morning (Thursday) she was practicing saying her name and introducing herself to people with her new name. I asked her social worker who assured me, she was genuinely excited about her new name. 

Next up….the waiting game!