26 Years

On this night 26 years ago my then-husband, K. and I walked around the Christmas Tree lot, my ginormous pregnant belly leading the way as I balanced 15 month old Noah on my hip. December 2nd was my due date, and I knew if we didn't get the tree up that night it might not happen at all.

It was 1988 and I was 21 years old. We lived in this cute little house. (it was white with red trim in 1988) Imagine it buried under 2 feet of snow.

We put the tree into the bed of the old Ford pickup truck. It was such a cold night that night, the snow crunching under our feet as we hurried into the house. My husband wanted to let the tree stand outside overnight but I was insistent. It HAD to get put up inside. Tonight!

We got it centered in the tree stand and situated in our tiny living room. My husband sat down on the couch to rest and promptly fell asleep. I got Noah into his PJs and tucked into his new big boy bed, stopping in the baby's room to look into the empty crib. I put my hand on my belly, knowing very soon that heavenly baby smell would be filling the  room. I climbed the stairs to our attic and started carrying all the Christmas boxes to the living room. Up and down the stairs I went, box after box.

I checked all the tree lights and strung them on the tree, stopping now and then to stretch my aching back, taking inventory of what was left to do. One hour, two hours…three. Around midnight I declared the house decorated and lugged the now empty boxes back up the stairs and gave them a shove into the attic. Finally, I turned off all the lights and sat on the couch admiring the beautiful tree and the Christmas season ahead of us. It was then that I realized how badly my back ached, and that I was exhausted. I thought of all that was ahead of us.

I struggled to get my pregnant self off the couch and woke my husband to come to bed. I knew we'd be having a baby soon.

At 4:30 a.m. I was woken by a very STRONG contraction. Wow! I got up to go to the bathroom but had another contraction before I got there. I went back to bed to watch the clock. 90 seconds later I had another contraction. RUH ROH! My husband had already left for is early shift job. I picked up the phone to call him, "Uh, you better come home quick!"

"What? I just walked in the door 30 seconds ago. Ok, I'll be right there!"

Thankfully he only worked a few blocks away. So, too, were his parents. I called his mom to let her know we'd be over in a few minutes with Noah. My husband walked in the door while I was trying to tie my shoes. He grabbed Noah and the already packed diaper bag and headed for the car. He was moving about 30 times faster than me. By the time I got to the back door he was gone.

 GONE????

I called my mom. "Well, this should be interesting. He left without me." I wasn't sure what to do. I called his mom. "Is K. there yet?"

"He just pulled in the driveway. I'll run out and get Noah from him and send him back right away."

My contractions were coming consistently between 1 1/2 - 2 minutes and they were very strong. I wanted to sit down but was really afraid if I did I wouldn't get up, but have the baby right there instead. A few minutes later my husband pulled in honking his horn. I'm sure the neighbors loved that at 5:00 a.m.!

It only took us 15 minutes or so to arrive at the hospital. They put me on a monitor and checked my cervix. I was not even one full centimeter dilated! HOW could that BE???? UGH! I was so afraid they would send me home but the monitor showed my contractions to be very strong so they kept me. A few minutes later the doctor came in to check me again and I was at 4 cm so he broke my water. The very next contraction I told the nurse I felt like pushing. Her response? "Oh you do NOT! We *just* checked you and you were only at 4. Have a few more contractions and quit panicking."

Oh I was mad. The very next contraction I told my husband to call that nurse back to my room. "You better check me now because I am going to PUSH DAMMIT!" She wasn't happy with me. She was very rough when she went to check me, then started verbally back pedaling. "Oh wow! You're at TEN!!! The doctor LEFT the hospital!"

That movie-like flurry of activity happened and the next thing I knew it was 5:58 and I had a screaming 8 lb 10oz baby boy laying on my belly.

Raising Tyler wasn't always an easy job, but he sure made it fun!

Today Tyler is 26 years old. He is going to school and living his life. But he is THE BEST big brother to the 5 A's. He frequently helps us out on the weekends, and while I was going through chemo he was often here getting things done that I couldn't physically do.

For 26 years I have been his mother. You make me proud, Tyler!

Prom!

Tyler went to prom on Saturday with his friend Jenna. Those who know me, you'll be shocked to hear I didn't cry! Very close...very very close...but I held it together!

Jenna's mom Paula, pinning his flower on.


Doesn't he look dashing?









Jenna's dress was fantabulous!















And of course, Angela had to get in a picture too!

Mother's Tears

It's not until we become mothers ourselves that we understand the tears a mother cries for her children.

Noah, my firstborn. As he was placed in my arms and I felt, for the first time, the joy only a mother can feel. He is the only one who got those very first mother's tears. They carried with them a bond only he and I can share. I cried tears of fear when, as a toddler, his finger was amputated in an accident, and tears of anguish as I handed him over to the surgeon to have it re-attached. When he was two I cried tears of delight when I found him dragging wet worms around on the driveway, and when I asked what he was doing he told me, "I'm painting!". When he was 12 I cried tears of "Why him?" when we were told he'd need to give himself shots every day, and tears of frustration when at 14 he suddenly refused to do them anymore. I cried tears of sorrow for the teenager who ran away from home several times, and tears of gratitude when he returned safely. There were the tears of pride when I saw my handsome boy dressed for prom, and more at graduation. He'll be 21 soon. My tears for Noah will continue as I watch him struggle his way through adulthood, as I'm sure my mother still cries for me.

Tyler, the middle child. I spent 3 months crying when Tyler was born. He came into this world confused and angry, as if he was upset about having been ripped out of the nice warm cocoon he'd had all to himself. My tears for Tyler were usually in frustration, not knowing how to help him, how to make him feel comfortable in this world that required touch. Tears of sorrow for the boy who struggled to be understood and would repeat himself over and over again until we finally were able to put together what he was trying to say. There were sad, helpless tears as I held him down for repeated blood draws to figure out why his blood cells were different from everyone else's, and tears of apology when I was able to comfort him afterwards. There were lots of tears of joy for Tyler too! Like when he was finally able to say his own name, and when he walked on his feet instead of his knees. Tears of pride at his ability to understand words far bigger than him, like "bioluminescence". There were the tears of fear when mental illness reared it's ugly head and we learned more than we ever cared to about the world of psychiatric care. Really though, those tears of fear and frustration that flowed from me for Tyler were prayerful tears, asking God to show me how to help my son. Now at 19 I see a wonderful young man with a heart of gold. Caring and thoughtful, he holds a place in my heart that no other can ever have. I know I have years of tears for Tyler ahead of me, but for now, when I cry for Tyler, I cry tears of pride as I watch this amazing young man.

When Angela was a baby, I cried many tears for her. Tears of "Why me? Why HER?". Tears of sorrow as we were given bad news over and over again. Tears of fear as I handed over over to the surgeon time and time again. At 8 years old, when I cried at her first her track meet, she asked me, "Why crying mom?" How do you explain to a child you're crying because as she runs across the finish line, you remembered a doctors voice telling you she'd never live past a year old. "Why are you crying mom?" after her recent theater performance. Those tears of pride for my baby, for all the hard work she put in, this child who would likely never talk. "Why are you crying mom?" as she leaps fearlessly into the deep end of the pool and comes to the surface with a huge grin on her face. "Did you see me mom? Did you see?". Tears of thanks to God for allowing me to see this beautiful, wonderful child of mine.

A mother's tears. Joy, sorrow, fear, gratitude, love, happiness. All the things mothers cry about. I'm so thankful to Him for allowing to shed mother's tears.

So Where's the Kid?

UGH! I'm sorry this has taken me so long to update you on this aspect of my life: MY SON IS HOME!

On March 10th the mother of the other boy called me, and said that the bus tickets had indeed been picked up, however the person who took the signature couldn't remember what the person looked like, and nobody could find the signature page. (isn't there a reason you have to sign for mail? I'm assuming they're supposed to KEEP that stuff!?!?!)

So we called and called, and neither her son nor Tyler answered their phones. Do you wanna know why?

Are you ready for it?.......................................THEY WANTED TO SURPRISE EVERYONE!!!

Good grief! They had no idea how worried everyone was, and were a bit taken aback when the father of the other kid tracked down Greyhound's dispatch office, and was finally put through to the driver, who got the boys on the phone in the middle of the Grand Canyon! LOL

They ended up pulling into town the morning I broke my arm. Talk about timing! I really needed Tyler here to help me with his sister while I was dealing with my arm and stuff. He's been a great help! And, it looks like he'll be staying here awhile. He's decided (and we fully agree) that he's not quite ready to live on his own yet. He needs to save some money, get a car, and have all those little details worked out before he makes the leap again. So, we've set up a budget for him, and a short term plan (that's all he can manage right now, short term) and we'll work through this from there.

So, the kid is HOME, and the mom is much happier!

To worry or not to worry....

Tonight I came home to find a note on the door, from a mom of one of the other kids that went to Ca. with Tyler. She couldn't find my number but remembered where we live (we're kind of hard to find) wondering if I'd heard from the boys. Turns out one kids dad did buy them bus tickets, and about a week ago had them sent to a UPS office near where they were staying. The tickets were for a bus home at 4:30 this afternoon. To his knowledge the envelope was not picked up. We're waiting for him to confirm this.

Nobody has heard from ANY of the boys in 10 days, which kind of has everyone worried. I did look around in the county jail system there to see if any of them had been picked up, but they're not in custody.

Now what? Any suggestions? We can't list them as "missing" because they're adults (or at least the legal definition of one!) It's very strange that NONE of us has heard anything from them. One boy's mom said he was calling her every couple of days, then just stopped 10 days ago. Exactly the same as my contact with Tyler was going. They're resourceful enough to find a phone and contact one of us, but they're also kids and if they've managed to get into trouble will avoid us. I'm hoping that's all it is.

If anyone reads this who is in San Diego County, specifically Poway, drop me a note, will ya?

The Fledgling

The Fledgling (aka my son Tyler) is coming home. You may remember my post a couple weeks ago when he decided to up and move from Minnesota to California. No money to speak of, no job, just an adventure of sorts. You know...the kind that cause mothers to go gray.

He's been calling me every couple of days or so, just to check in and tell me of their latest escapade. By his 3rd day out there he was complaining about how hot it was. By the end of the first week none of them had found a job. ("Mom! All immigrants have the minimum wage jobs!"...something we warned him about being 20 or so miles from the border.)

About a week and a half ago he called me and sounded really down. "You were right mom. I should have listened to you. How come you're always right about stuff like this? Anyway, we're coming back we just have to get bus tickets. Only problem is we only have $70 left and it costs $175 for two of us. (they went with 3, turns out the 3rd kid is staying out there.) I offered to buy him bus tickets but no, he didn't want me to do that. I offered to wire him some money so they could EAT on the trip home but no, he didn't want me to do that either.

I haven't heard from him since. His phone is now disconnected, and I know he doesn't have any money left.

And so the mother worries.

The Fledgling Called

Tonight Tyler called to give me an update on his new life in California (or "Cali" as he prefers to call it.) He's applied for jobs at a couple of places, including Taco Bell, where he was working here. Hey, it's a job!

The grandmother of one if his friends gave them some tents, so they're going to be striking camp...hopefully somewhere it's legal to do so!

He's having fun and enjoying the adventure, and I guess that's the most important part, right? I've said all kinds of prayers for him, and try to remember that God loves him even more than I do. I pray that he listens to that still, small voice and makes good decisions. That he stays out of harms way. That he's able to keep enough money in his pocket to eat, stay warm and dry, and to pay his cell phone bill so he can keep calling home!

Spreading His Wings

For about 3 or 4 weeks my 19 year old son Tyler has been talking about going to California. Well...not "going" really, more like "moving". Cuz, you know, he has a minimum wage paying job, the clothes on his back, and that's about it.

I thought it was all talk, except that while we were on the Make A Wish trip there were lots of phone conversations with his friends about buying bus tickets, who's paying for what, etc. I began to get a little worried, some of it for him, and some of it for Angela. She already has one brother who she sees only once every year or so, and she misses him terribly. She's very attached to all her brothers, and I worry how this will affect her that yet another one has moved away. But I digress.

Tyler and his friends really didn't have much of a plan aside from buying tickets. No jobs waiting for them when they get there, and no place to stay. You know, a well-thought out adventure that I had to sit back and watch unfold!

We arrived home on Sunday evening, and he left almost as soon as we got in the door to "get things done" before getting on a bus Monday night. Things like one of the boys didn't have an I.D., and driving around to say goodbye to everyone. And, since none of them have a car, they rented a U-haul to drive around in. Cuz...you know..they have all kinds of money to spare! LOL

Monday afternoon he came back, just for a few minutes, to say goodbye. He gave me a hug, and then hugged Angela. She asked him, "You're coming right back Ty? Tomorrow you come back?"

I answered, maybe incorrectly but I wanted her to understand, "No Angela. Tyler won't be back tomorrow. He's going to be gone for a long time, like Robbie."

She got big tears in her eyes and gave Tyler another hug, then watched at the kitchen window as he walked out the door. His friends were waiting in the cab of their rented truck, but when Tyler left he walked around the side of the garage, staying out of sight for several minutes. I know he went there to cry, that he realized just how big this really was, and that it wasn't just about him, it was about all of us.

The bus was supposed to arrive in the bus station around 9:30 pm that night, but he called me at 10:30 asking if I knew a way to check the bus schedule because it hadn't arrived yet. When the bus did finally show up there weren't enough seats on it (how does this happen when one buys a ticket? And, I didn't realize there were still that many people who traveled by bus.) After spending the night who knows where, they finally got a seat the following morning.

He called me several times throughout the ride, to tell me where they were and about the various people on the bus. They finally arrived in Poway, CA yesterday morning. A friend of a friend picked them up, and the first thing they did was visit a beach. (I think this is hilarious, considering while we were in Florida we couldn't get Tyler to go in the ocean past his ankles...because...you know...there's sharks and stuff.) They climbed some big hill, and swam in someone's pool. Today they plan to look for jobs and a place to live, because between the three of them they have about $800 left, and that ought to get them an apartment on the beach, huh? Never mind food!

So why am I telling you about this? I'm writing to tell you about some of the requirements of motherhood that nobody told me about. Like the part about letting go. Letting them fall on their own butt, but being ready to help them back up if need be. The part about sitting back and watching them, knowing exactly the mistakes they're making but really not being unable to say anything about it. Don't think I didn't try talking him out of this big adventure. Don't think I didn't try to help him come up with some plan of action, like saving money first! I did all those things, but in the end it comes down to one young man wanting to strike out on his own (and get out of the sub-zero temperatures of Minnesota) and find his own way.

I'm still going to put some money aside for an airline ticket for him...just in case.

Cool torture device for teens

Ok, I'll admit, I was at a loss what to give my boys (Noah 20, Tyler 19) for Christmas. Aside from the clothes they both need but don't want, I really had no clue what to get. What does one do when they're at a loss? Well, Google of course!

So I googled "gifts for teens" which brought me to findgift.com where I found a couple different things, but the one that caught my eye was probably the strangest gift a parent could ever give. I had to have it.



In this game there are 4 joysticks. (the name joystick is quite funny, given the nature of this game.) You can set the game 2-4 players. Each person removes their joystick from the base and hold on to it, holding their thumb just above the red button at the top. DON'T TOUCH IT THOUGH! At least...not yet.

In the middle of the base unit is the start button. Pushing it causes it to flash red for several seconds, then suddenly turn green. When it turns green it's a race as to who can push their joystick button the fastest. The last one to push gets a shock. (The level of shock can be preset before the game.)

I know, I gave a torture device to my kids for Christmas. But really..they had a BLAST with it. And, if there were a group of adults looking for an entertaining drinking game, this one would make a great shot game! LOL

There was another game that I also ordered, similar, but only two players. Here's the description: " Do you think you can really handle this? Each player will receive a very low and short electric shock through the handles and the red lights will flash... The shock will then start again this time longer and more powerful! Winner is the last fool still holding the handle!"

Do you think this will win me the "Mother of the Year" award?



So, just so you can see how the game is played, here is a lovely video of our family Christmas. Notice that the teens have decided putting it on the highest setting AND holding TWO joysticks at one time would be a smart idea. (NOT!) In all seriousness, these ARE great gifts for adolescent - young adult boys. (shhhhh the adult men thought it was kinda fun too!) *disclaimer* the shock does NOT HURT! It's like strong static electricity that feels VERY strange. Much like the hand buzzers we had as kids.

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

First Day at the Office

It seems my 16 year old son Tyler is really coming into his own now, however frustrating and scary it might be for me, his mom. I understand my own parents so much better now!

Tyler has been trying desparately to find a job for several weeks, filling out countless job applications to no avail. It's tough for a kid to learn hard lessons. Lessons like, it doesn't matter how YOU like to dress, if you want a job you have to dress differently. This means showering, trimming nails, wearing clothes that are not your old favorite standbys, AND removing all your peircings from your ears!

Tyler, unlike most kids his age, truly enjoys physical labor. Having a behavioral disorder, he prefers to work in isolation where people aren't constantly talking to him. He is very insightful about himself, and the things that "set him off", the things that he does and does not like to do, and the types of people that he can/cannot work around. He has spent the past school year working in a construction trades program at our local Technical college and loved it. He's also helped us do landscaping here, moving 25 tons of boulders by hand to build a retaining wall in our back yard. Unfortunately, being insightful didn't help him land a job!

I was about to take desparate measures, and bring Tyler to the local workforce center to see if they could do anything for him. The night before we were to go I prayed that God would help me to help him feel successful as a soon-to-be adult. That we could find him something that, being his very first job experience, would be something he liked doing.

The next morning I was running errands, and headed home on a route I don't normally take. Just a few miles from home I saw a sign at a roadside mom & pop veggie/landscaping stand. "Help wanted. Must have good work ethic! Apply inside." HHmmmm I turned around and went into the small open-front store and spoke to the woman there. I wanted to find out if they were looking for till help (not up Tyler's alley!) or what. When she told me they were looking for landscaping help, I could hardly wait to get home to get Tyler and bring him back!

Tyler started his very first job yesterday. He's working 12 hour days doing anything from planting trees to hauling rock. You know, all those things that landscapers do. But 12 hour days! My baby is working 12 hour days! Not only that, but it's hard physical labor! He didn't get home until 9:00 last night, and I don't know when I've ever seen him look so tired, but he was STILL smiling, talking about how he's going to spend his paycheck, yada yada yada.

Thank you God, for putting that sign on the road. For giving my son something he loves to do, and for helping me to let go!