Yesterday I was having a moment, and not a very good one. Actually, I spent most of the day near tears and it all started before 9:00 a.m.
I had written out this entire post, going into detail about my frustrations. Instead I've chosen to delete it all. Some things are just better left unsaid. Dean and I need to make some decisions about Asher's schooling, but the reality is those decisions and how to implement them will fall upon me. Its my job as the mom to make it all work.
I need to be clear. The district is doing what they can but I have, once again, put them in a difficult position requesting services that my child needs (and the district agrees he needs) but that he does not qualify for based on state mandates. The reality is what I envision for Asher in my head isn't what they're able to do. In fact, I don't know if anyone can do it.
Interestingly we had this exact same problem with Axel's educational placement a year ago. What I wanted (a transfer to a specific program out of district) was finally done and Axel is absolutely thriving there. I know exactly what I want for Asher too, but I'm not 100% sure it would be the best move. I'm only about 80% sure. And I don't even know if it can ever happen unless we move the entire family, which Dean would never agree to.
While all of this is going on, I'm dealing with some relatively minor - though still frustrating - issues with Angela's school. It'll get straightened out, but I know I'll have to do the same things each and every year, and sometimes I just want it to happen without my having to make a stink about it.
The reality is, this is part of being the mom to kids who have a wide variety of needs is a full-time job. It's the job I like and I'm good at it. I am. I'm a good advocate for my kids. (yes, I'm trying to reassure myself a bit here) Everyone has a bad day at work on occasion and Friday was one of them for me. I felt pulled in too many directions with big decisions on my shoulders. Several times I had to ask God for direction and clarity; to show me the good and the bad in all situations so I could sort it all out, to help me feel when something was "right" along with something that was not.
I thing God did just that.
Next week will bring brand new days with decisions made. Then I can move on, confident I've made the right decisions for each of my kids. That's my job. The mom job.
I had written out this entire post, going into detail about my frustrations. Instead I've chosen to delete it all. Some things are just better left unsaid. Dean and I need to make some decisions about Asher's schooling, but the reality is those decisions and how to implement them will fall upon me. Its my job as the mom to make it all work.
I need to be clear. The district is doing what they can but I have, once again, put them in a difficult position requesting services that my child needs (and the district agrees he needs) but that he does not qualify for based on state mandates. The reality is what I envision for Asher in my head isn't what they're able to do. In fact, I don't know if anyone can do it.
Interestingly we had this exact same problem with Axel's educational placement a year ago. What I wanted (a transfer to a specific program out of district) was finally done and Axel is absolutely thriving there. I know exactly what I want for Asher too, but I'm not 100% sure it would be the best move. I'm only about 80% sure. And I don't even know if it can ever happen unless we move the entire family, which Dean would never agree to.
While all of this is going on, I'm dealing with some relatively minor - though still frustrating - issues with Angela's school. It'll get straightened out, but I know I'll have to do the same things each and every year, and sometimes I just want it to happen without my having to make a stink about it.
The reality is, this is part of being the mom to kids who have a wide variety of needs is a full-time job. It's the job I like and I'm good at it. I am. I'm a good advocate for my kids. (yes, I'm trying to reassure myself a bit here) Everyone has a bad day at work on occasion and Friday was one of them for me. I felt pulled in too many directions with big decisions on my shoulders. Several times I had to ask God for direction and clarity; to show me the good and the bad in all situations so I could sort it all out, to help me feel when something was "right" along with something that was not.
I thing God did just that.
Next week will bring brand new days with decisions made. Then I can move on, confident I've made the right decisions for each of my kids. That's my job. The mom job.
1 comment:
I am wrestling with this job as well. I will stand firm in my convictions and not compare our situation with others. Tis is what's best for me, and our little g. Would love to hear some of the processes and techniques/helps advice you might have when walking this road. It's harder when working with adopted children that weren't provided the services from birth to three. It's a lonely road.
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