Birthmother's Day

The English translation is at the bottom of this post. This was written for Birthmother's day, which is the Saturday before Mother's Day.
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Ko je rođena majka? Ona je ta koja je nosila dete u svom stomaku devet meseci, vezana je sa njim na način koji mi necemo nikada spoznati. Na kraju, ona je ta koja je dala zivot detetu i koja ga je drzla u narucju dok je uzimalo prvi dah.  U jednom trenutku ona je morala da odluči  ili je neko odlucio umesto nje, da dozvoli da neko drugi odgaja to dete. U nekom trenutku ona je morala da se okrene i ode.

 U Americi subota pred Materice je dan Rođene Majke. Ja to ne bih nazvala danom proslave. To zvuci pomalo grubo, zar ne? Mozemo li slaviti cinjenicu da je rođena majka napustila dete? Mislim da je Dan Priznanja, dosta prikladnije ime. Na taj nacin odajemo priznanje rođenim majkama, bez kojih ne bismo imali nase sinove.

U slučaju međunarodnog usvajanja, velika je retkost da se ostane u kontaktu sa rođenom majkom, a jos veca da se upozna sa njom. To nije nešto što svako može da podnese, emotivno ili fizički. Zahvalna sam Bogu svaki dan sto mi je dopostio da upoznam Akselovu porodicu.

Za S…

Danas ste u mojim mislima dok Aksel-Đorđe ulazi u kuhinju na doručak. " Dobro Jutro mama". on pokušava reci, najbolje moguce uz pomoc znakova. Reč " mama " me podseća da postojimo nas dve mame. Da nije bilo vas, ne bih imala ovog predivnog dečaka koji danas sedi tu pored mene. Vaša žrtva je bila moja nagrada. Često se pitam, Boze zašto ih stavi u tako nezahvalnu poziciju u kojoj su se našli? Ne znam da li bih ja sama ikada bila dovoljno jaka da podnesem takvu žrtvu. Vi ste mnogo jača osoba od mene. Mesecima ste ga presvlačili, hranili, kupali, učili najbolje što možete. Vodili ste ga kod doktora i ostalih koji su vam rekli da je situacija beznadežna. Plakali ste dan i noc, pitajući se kako ce te živeti sa sobom ako ostavite dete.

Meni je Bog podario lak posao. Trebalo je samo da se pojavim u pravo vreme, i da nastavim putem koji mi je već bio poznat-podizanje deteta sa Dounovim Sindromom.

Obećavam:

necu olako shvatiti ovaj zadatak, Bog mi je poverio sina koga cemo zauvek deliti.

Obećavam:

vi ćete uvek biti prisutni u njegovom životu.

Obećavam:

odgajaću ga da veruje u Boga, da bude hrabar i iskren mladić.

Obećavam:

da nikada nece misliti da ste ga napustili.

Obećavam:

poljubicu ga za vas svaki dan.

Obećavam: .

da ćete opet zagrliti svoga sina.

What is a birthmother? She is the person who carried a child in her womb for nine months, bonding with that child in ways we will never know and eventually giving birth to that child. She may or may not have held that child while he took his first breaths. At some point in time she decided, or the decision was made for her, to allow someone else to parent that child. At some point, she had to turn and walk away.

The saturday before Mother's Day is Birthmother's day. I wouldn't call it a day of "celebration". That seems a bit harsh, doesn't it? To "celebrate" the fact a birthmother had to walk away? I think a day of "recognition" is more appropriate. To pay homage to the fact were it not for a birthmother, I would not have my boys.

In the case of international adoption, it is rare to have contact with, much less meet your adopted child's birthmother. It is not something everyone is able to do emotionally or physically. I thank God every day for allowing me to meet Axel's birthmother (and father and brother too!)

To S....

Today you are on my mind as Axel Djordje walks into the kitchen for breakfast. "Morning Mom." he tries his best to say along with the signs. The word "mom" reminds me there are two of us. If it were not for you, I would not have this amazing boy sitting at my table. Your sacrifice was my gain. I often ask God why you were put into the position you were, and would I ever be strong enough to make such a sacrifice? You are a much stronger woman than I. All those months you changed him, fed him, bathed him, taught him the best you could. You took him to doctors and others who told you the situation in Serbia was hopeless. You cried yourself to sleep wondering how you would be able to live with yourself if you walked away.

God gave me the easy job. I just had to show up and walk a path I'm already familiar with: raising a child with Down syndrome.

But I promise you...
I will never take my job lightly. God has entrusted me with a son you and I will share for all eternity.

I promise you...
he will know you exist.

I promise you...
I will raise up this son to be a God loving, caring, courageous and honest young man.

I promise you...
he will never think you abandoned him.

I promise you...
I will give him a kiss from you every day.

I promise you...
one day you will hug your son again.

I promise you.

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To V...

7 years, 6 months and 4 days ago, you gave birth to a beautiful little boy. It was a traumatic day for you, being told your son had Down syndrome. In a country where little help exists and jobs are scarce, you knew right then raising him was beyond your means. You sacrificed your heart.

I know you loved him because you visited him often. I can only imagine that day in October when you were with him, celebrating his 7th birthday. You left after giving him many hugs and kisses, only to be told a few hours later I was coming for him. The anguish...When I was told this I could feel your pain in the depth of my soul.

It was your voice he heard all those months in your womb. You were there for his first breath. He looked into your eyes before anyone else. Moments you, and you alone, shared with him.

I pray that someone has told you how well he's doing in our family. How quickly he's growing. How fast he is learning. How much he is loved.

I know that someday, in God's perfect timing, we will meet. Someday, a boy named Asher Lazar will say hello to you...

and you will hold him again.

He is not gone from you forever.

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