Wednesday, May 14, 2014

I'm not brave

Over the last couple of months many people have said to me, "You're so brave."

No. No I am not brave. What about being given a diagnosis of cancer makes me brave? I have no choice in whether or not I choose to fight this disease. That doesn't make me brave. It makes me a patient.

Someone who is brave steps into a situation no matter  how scary it is, like running into a burning building to save a life. Am I determined and strong? Yes, I think I am, about a lot of things. But I am taking this disease by the horns not because I like the thrill, but to keep it from impaling me! It is absolutely possible to have a positive attitude about things while simultaneously being scared to death!

I am not a survivor yet either. A survivor is someone who has come through a difficult battle and lived to tell about it. Right now I am a warrior. I am a fighter. I am in active battle with a horrible disease that kills people. When I ring that symbolic bell in honor of my last chemo treatment, when I can say there is no evidence of disease inside me, THEN I become a survivor.

My tshirt for today




4 comments:

  1. Ah, but you really do have a choice! You could crawl into bed, pull the covers up and whine "why me". But, you've chosen to show up for life. You are a warrior and I am in awe of your insight and choice. Good thoughts and prayers coming your way.

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  2. Choosing life can sometimes be a brave choice.

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  3. Hi Leah

    I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you as you start your chemo journey today!
    I know how daunting and fearful it feels right now. One session at a time is all you have to do.

    I will think of you and send you positive energy in the quiet moments of my day. I will also light the candle for you and pray you are surrounded by love!
    You are not alone on the journey.....Love Lin ( LinMac from Downsyn)

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  4. Hey, thinking and praying for you and your family out here in Az.

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