Garden of Eagan

Fun stuff

2012-01-30T09:48:00.003-06:00

When the big kids are at school, Asher and I do some fun stuff, like work on his fine motor skills! Please ignore the construction mess in the background. I am counting down the d.a.y.s until this project is done!

Beautiful

2012-01-30T01:03:00.002-06:00

God's gift to us is the most beautiful little boy. A boy who was lost in a see of other lost children. When you hold him, you know you're holding an angel.

God brought to us this 7 year old infant. While he takes from us, he gives us back so much more. Every day we experience the joy God intended a little boy to get from life. We get to see each new first, every discovery, happen at warp speed. Simple things, like being able to swing his feet while sitting on a chair, to hold the hand of his sister, to hug a dog. We get to hear squeals of joy when he hears water running and knows he can put his hands in it without fear of punishment, to see his face change as he tastes yet another new food and he smiles with pleasure.

He lays his head on your chest and his hand on your heart. His soul seeps through your body and finds your very being. All of our children are blessings, Angela and Axel included. But Asher is unique. He is beautiful. If you don't see it, if your heart hasn't been touched by him if give the opportunity, then there is something wrong with your heart.

A word of advice

2012-01-29T08:24:00.001-06:00

If your life is slightly on the complicated side, and your schedule very busy

I can 100% guarantee you

that gutting your kitchen will not make it better.

Next steps to be completed: the last of the wall removed, new beam installed, rewire kitchen, removal of last of counter/sink/stove/dishwasher (Lord help me!) and new sheetrock up.

Love'in Life!

2012-01-28T20:24:00.000-06:00

Tonight Asher had a big pizza dinner. Ground up pizza, that is. When we were done he rubbed his tummy like he was stuffed, then walked over to the couch. Apparently he saw a spot that looked just perfect for a little boy with a full tummy. Our couch is squishy (and not always in a good way!) and it was a lot of work for him to get up there. It was odd for him, because he didn't have a dangler in his hand, but it didn't take long to see why he claimed the spot as his.

Then we realized what we were REALLY seeing! This is the first time we've ever seen him...just...sit...without something in his hands, without being reminded to put his tongue in. Just like any other 7 year old boy.

Therapy

2012-01-27T07:29:00.000-06:00

In the next couple of weeks we will start assessments for private therapy services for Asher. We're going to hold off on speech/feeding until after his surgery, but PT and OT are a go! I'm anxious to get him started. He's so eager to try new things!

Today I brought him back to OT and ST with Axel, so he could get used to the environment a bit. He was very excited about OT (particularly the swings!) and he got to play in the ball pit with Axel. It was fun to see Axel take on the roll of big brother, helping Asher do stuff!

Later we went to speech and while Asher was more interested in looking out the window, he was also very willing to imitate several new signs.

Feeding therapy is going to be his most critical need. I'm pretty worried about what's going to happen when his tonsils come out. He's going to have all this space back there that he won't know what to do with, particularly where swallowing liquids is concerned.

Right now Axel goes to therapy on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. Angela was going at the same time but we just dropped it since it's interfering too much with after school sports. None of the therapists we need to see have open slots at that time so Asher will be going in the mornings. That means I will be making 8 trips to therapy every week. Well, that and I have to pick up Axel from school early in order to get him to his sessions. I'm just going to buy a cot to leave in a back room there so I can take naps. LOL

A couple people have asked me about school for him. I'm not even considering it at this moment. He is not even close to ready to detach from us and go to school. Not only that, but I'm still trying to get a handle for where he's at. Having said that, I reserve the right to change my mind on any given day! I have no idea what program he would be sent to if I put him into school this spring. If it's the same program Axel was in last year then no, I will homeschool him. We'll see how much sign language he picks up, and how his ABR results go, as to weather or not he'll qualify for the program Axel is in. But man, he is so physically small. Because his birthday is in October, if he started this year he'd be a kindergartener. If we wait until fall he'll be in 1st grade. He has a lot of learning to do between now and then. I haven't even started teaching him anything like colors or numbers. He's just not there yet. He's learning things like "Let's go bye bye!" and how a house works. We're doing little counting things like you would with any toddler "One, two, Threeeeeee" and stuff like that. Maybe now that he can see I can put a little more energy into learning other stuff.

Very concerning! Anyone with seizure experience please respond!

2012-01-27T01:18:00.003-06:00

In a couple of posts I've commented that Asher does this funny little blinky/winky thing at us when we tell him no, or to do something he doesn't want to do. It just lasts for a second, and it took me many tries to be able to catch it on video.

And then today happened. Today something is wrong. The morning was going along just fine and everything was normal. Asher and Axel were in the bedroom and I went in there to see what they were up to. That's when I found Asher with his face going crazy. He was grimacing and winking/blinking constantly. It looked very seizure-like. I was able to talk to him, but I'm very familiar with Angela's simple-partial seizures that she can also talk through. (not always making sense, but she can talk.) What Asher was doing was very different from Angela's seizures.

Having a son with Tourette syndrome, I would say it was very tic-like. It lasted for several HOURS. He went down for a nap a couple hours after I discovered it and woke up still doing it. Later in the evening it was gone, then showed back up about dinner time. By the time Dean got home from bowling it was no longer constant, but it was there.

I was able go get several videos of this during the day. The first is during lunch. Although he's interacting, he seems confused. Notice there are blinks, eyes rolling upward, and the mouth grimace to one side:

This was about 2 hours later as we got ready to go to therapy. He seems frustrated by it:

I've put in a call to have him seen by the pediatric neurologist. Of course I'm leaving town on Tuesday. UGH!!! I'll only be gone a couple of days, but still!

Edited to add: OMG, I totally forgot that I was told Asher was on phenobarbital for years for what I was told were febrile seizures. Ummm..."febrile seizures" are not treated on a daily basis. So, this little event makes me wonder if there is more to the story. Anyway, he'll be seeing a neurologist, but still this is concerning.

Too much cuteness!!!

2012-01-27T00:31:00.000-06:00

I don't know if our house can stand any more cuteness! Look who got his new glasses!!!!

And is it just me or does he look like "Squints" from the movie The Sandlot?

Asher has been absolutely excellent about keeping his glasses on. The only time they've been off his face is when they've gotten bumped by something (like when he drags his head getting off a chair. LOL) I think because he's been so good about wearing them, I *think* he is already able to see with them. (he should have had trouble seeing with them at first since one eye was not functioning much and his brain would have to re-learn how to focus). Last night I was putting him to bed. He'd had two full days of wearing his glasses by that point. Anyway, I took his glasses off then he turned to walk to his bed. He FELT all the way along the length of his bed until he got to the headboard, then felt around for his pillow before climbing in! He's NEVER done that before, so I think his brain has figured out he can't see. LOL

Now, just for fun, here are some more cute "new glasses" pictures from the last few days:

The very first moment he had them on. "What in the world?????" And yes, they look big for his face. That's so that he can't look AROUND them!

Watching Sesame Street. He can SEE it now! And, if you notice, he has a dangly thing, but he's not dangling it. ;-) Also notice one ear piece isn't even on his ear and he's leaving them alone!

Mom, enough already.

Ok, if I smile will you please stop?

It's Hairy

2012-01-26T22:29:00.003-06:00

Our life. It's hairy at the moment.

Just a couple weeks before I left for Serbia, we decided to refinance the house and remodel the kitchen. (blog post about the kitchen designed for the kids is already in the drafts folder!) We have the best timing EVER! I knew I was going to dread becoming "basement people". The last time we did it, we were putting in hardwood floors on the main level and there was just Angela here. We spent a month in the basement, and it just about drove me crazy. That was nothing.....

Anyway, we signed a contract with the cabinet guy the beginning of January, and now the kitchen is officially under construction. This weekend the last of the cabinets, the ceiling, and the last of the wall between the kitchen and dining room will come down.

And you know how I mentioned that timing? Well our appliances have great timing too! We had to put 1/2 the money down for the cabinets when we signed the contract. The rest of the funds are sitting waiting to be paid out. The stove was the only thing we were replacing now, and it was ordered on Friday. We were going to keep the rest of our appliances and purchase new over the next year or so. Well, our appliances had other plans!

On Sunday night the fridge died. Just plain died. It's the 3rd time, and the last time the guy came out he said he wouldn't touch it again. Thankfully it's not only winter in Minnesota, but we've finally hit semi-normal January temps so the fridge food was able to be moved to the front step. I never realized how often I got to the fridge every day until I had to go out the front door to get the milk. LOL Anyway, Monday night found us ordering a new fridge. When we were ordering the fridge, the guy said that since we'd just ordered the stove on Friday, if we went ahead and ordered the dishwasher along with the fridge then we could get a package discount. Hmmmm....we had to think that one over a few hours. In the end, that's what we did. The only thing left to get is the microwave (ours has been working intermittently for a year now. LOL) and it has to meet certain measurement criteria based on the new cabinets. The stove will be delivered next week. I wonder where we'll put it? It can't go in the kitchen, and fridge is currently 1/2 in the entry and 1/2 in the dining room. And there is NO room in the garage! Why? Because yesterday the window guys were here to install the large basement window that was ordered back in September. They were also going to blow insulation in the attic. Apparently they didn't get the message that they CAN'T do the attic now because the kitchen ceiling is coming down. (see below) So the garage is now full of insulation in addition to all the other "stuff". While I was discussing with them what to do with the insulation, the new fridge arrived. While the fridge was being brought in and the window being installed, Asher decided to jump down the stairs. Nice. Fortunately I was 1/2 way up them and was able to lunge just enough to catch him by the arm so he didn't fall all the way down.

In two more days I will not have a stove to cook on. The plumbing will be disconnected and the power not yet connected. The cabinets are due to be installed the end of February, so that means I have one month to keep the kids out of the mess. Although the new stove will be here on Thursday, the floors will not be done and the wiring for the new stove will not yet be complete. Joy of Joys.

Amongst all of the mess are the normal daily routines that will now take place in the basement: Breakfast, dressing, doing hair, managing meds, managing dogs, showering, doing laundry, and every thing else that our family does on a daily basis. And of course, there is still the shuttling of kids here, there and everywhere. (and no, I will not blog about how I forgot Angela had floor hockey the other night and she scored her first goal EVER without me there!)

So lets add to the mayhem, shall we? Next week on Tuesday, Axel and I will leave for Philly to meet with his spine surgeon at Shriners on Thursday. Angela and Asher are both staying home with Dean. Well, Angela will be in school, so I guess it'll be Asher and Dean. LOL Oh, but Dean has a sales meeting one day while we're gone so Asher will attend his first sales meeting ever. YAY Asher!

Then there is Asher's upcoming surgery, which is scheduled for Feb 24th, followed by a weekend in the hospital. And, not ALL of the parents in this household will be in town. ;-) One of us is taking a much-needed vacation and it's not me. Unfortunately, because we're trying to get four doctors scheduled at one time, it didn't leave much (ok, not ANY) room for flexibility.

It's entirely possible that my posts over the next month will be a bit discombobulated, just like our house.

Tomorrow I need to clean out my car. Dean will not like to drive my car in it's current state. Pretty sure about that one. I also need to empty the rest of the kitchen cabinets in preparation for the crew coming on Saturday, take Angela to get a birthday present, shop for my family Christmas (What? It's the end of January?). Saturday run Angela to wherever, keep the other two out of the way all day/evening, Sunday Dean has to work a trade show, then my family's Christmas. It'll be a busy weekend!

Meeting the needs of The Least of These

2012-01-26T11:16:00.001-06:00

My friend Gretchen, adoptive mom to Stas from Ukraine (along with several other kids!) is working with Chalice of Mercy and Sisters Mission Outreach to gather medical and therapy equipment for an institution in Ukraine. She has been given the list of needs directly from the facility director. Please hop on over to Gretchen's blog. With only two weeks to pull it all together, there is a rush! Maybe you have something they could use?

The Koolaid

2012-01-24T19:59:00.001-06:00

I don't drink Koolaid that you hand to me in blog comments, begging me to visit your blog when all you do is trash talk the blogs of others. I don't drink beautifully photographed or rainbow colored Koolaid.

I don't drink anyone's Koolaid. I've learned the hard way that when 'everyone' is drinking the Koolaid there are often ingredients you don't want to know about but should. Read the fine print in every label.

He's onto me

2012-01-21T22:49:00.000-06:00

Axel is really fun to watch when he's involved in pretend play, but like many kids he stops the really fun stuff when he knows you're watching. So I've come up with a new tactic: Turn my computer to "sleep" and use the monitor as a mirror to watch what's going on behind me.

Tonight Axel was having fun with a bear. He had it sitting in a little chair and was feeding him just like I feed Asher. He was even trying to make the bear say "mmmm" before each bite. When the bear was done eating, he very carefully wiped off his face.

Dean and I were enjoying listening to Axel babble at the bear, but we couldn't see what he was signing to the bear so I did my monitor-as-mirror trick. It was very fun to watch.

Suddenly Axel moved the bear's chair so that he (Axel) was facing the dining room windows. He looked up at the window, found my reflexion. "Hi mom" he signed.

So much for the mirrors trick.

This Face

2012-01-21T00:08:00.001-06:00

Just 6 weeks ago, the day before he boarded a plane for a trip that would take him 1/2 way around the world to an entirely different kind of life. Sometimes I look at this picture and wonder what was going through his mind. The mysteries his eyes hold that we will never know the answers to.

Helping around the house

2012-01-20T07:22:00.000-06:00

Asher loves to help with laundry!

My friend Tamara posted on Facebook about her son Shawen using a Flip Fold to fold all the shirts in the house, and how much he loves it. I had just taken all the clothes out of Angela's closet and needed to go through them, but SHE needed to help. Being a totally unwilling participant, I thought maybe she would like this thing. But I'm a bit impatient and didn't feel like waiting for my order to come. As you know, you can find ANYTHING online, including how to make a flip fold for about a buck.

When I got it done, Angela wouldn't even look at the thing, much less use it. Axel on the other hand? Umm yeah, he has claimed it for his own. (and yes, I have about 27 different colors of duct tape, which Axel loves.)

Now I'm going to warn you. If you have obsessive compulsive tendencies, this thing is going to feed right into that and either drive you crazy or make you happy as a clam. I am a little obsessive compulsive but with a very short attention span. I was so excited to see how absolutely PERFECT it folds all the shirts to a uniform size just like they were sitting on a store shelf, that I started going all Dean's clothes. I got about 1/2 way done before I got bored with that project. Now half of his shelves look like a store, and the other half are a mess.

Laughing

2012-01-20T03:06:00.003-06:00

Asher LOVES the intro to Sesame Street, and I love his laugh! If he hears the Sesame Street song he comes running.

Our Story: How we got to today.

2012-01-19T22:34:00.000-06:00

I had Angela when I was 28 years old. She was my 3rd biological child, and the fact she had Down syndrome was completely unexpected. I was only 28. Why would that happen to me? The fact Angela survived the pregnancy was a miracle, one that I've never taken for granted. We were raising 4 boys under the age of 10, and I always wanted a girl. I was ready for a girl! Angela was beautiful. The fact she had DS was really an answer to so many things that I'd wondered about when I was a teen and new mom to my boys. While her diagnosis was a surprise, I wasn't in shock. Somehow I'd known for years I would have a child with special needs.

Angela's dad and I divorced when she was 5. The boys and I moved to a small apartment in a neighboring town. We lived there for 18 month before moving a little closer to "the cities" so I could access better services to meet not only Angela's needs, but for my boys as well.

I'd been on match.com for a few months. I had certain criteria:

1. He had to be smarter than me. (per my mom's request.)
2. Non-smoker
3. Has to have a good relationship with all of his family members
4. Has to own his own home.
5. Has to have a bike (as in motorcycle)

I never knew when to tell the person I was on a date with that a had a child with a disability. I started using the information as a screening too. Sometimes I'd get an inkling about their attitude and spill it on the first date, like for shock value. Other times I'd go on several dates with the person before mentioning I had a child with DS. It was like, "Well, this person is really interesting, and I hope they stick around, but I need to know this first." None of them had ever been in my house. Then there was K. who I dated for two months when I let him come to my house. While we had both talked about our kids a lot, I'd never mentioned DS. That night we were sitting on my couch and there were pictures of my kids on the way. "You have beautiful kids." he said, "Why didn't you tell me Angela had DS?" K. was a great guy, but he wasn't THE guy.

On August 22nd, 2003, I exchanged emails with a man named Dean. We decided to meet at a place 1/2 way between our houses since we lived 45 minutes apart. I liked to arrive a couple minutes late so I could check out the guy first before sitting down. I'd played the match game for awhile and learned I could see the creeps before I sat down. Anyway, as I walked up to the front doors, there was his bike. I recognized it from his description. I ran my hands along the seat. The butterflies in my stomach started flying.

I walked in and found him right away. We talked for hours that night. So easy. So right.

The next night we met again, this time closer to his place. There was his bike again. I walked up behind him sitting at the bar. He was smoking. I slid onto the stool next to him. "Your profile says you don't smoke." I said.

"No, I think it says I'm quitting."
We laughed and I said "Bummer. I really liked you but I won't date another smoker."

We chatted awhile, enjoying each others company. Somewhere in there he asked how long I'd been divorced. "Hmmm...well...we've been separated for 18 months but neither of us had had the funds for an attorney yet."
He laughed, "Bummer. I won't date a married woman. I don't care what the reason is."

We agreed that we'd hang out with each other, since we really enjoyed one another's company, but that's about it. "Wanna go for a ride?" he said? Riding together takes practice. Every person handles their bike a bit differently. Dean and I fit together perfectly on his bike. He drove just like my dad who I'd rode many miles behind. I already "knew" him based on how he handled his bike.

We rode together, or went out together, almost every night for two weeks.

I don't remember when I told him Angela had DS. I think it was the first date. Do you know what Dean did? He went home and googled DS so he could understand what it was. Still, I didn't introduce him to my kids. I had a rule about meeting family. Nobody meets my kids, and I don't meet the guy's family until I know the relationship is safe and I know they'll be around awhile.

Then one day he stopped at my place. He was so sexy when he got off his bike. Just enough ink on his arms to attract me.

"So my brother invited us over to his house to watch the game."

"NOPE! You know my rule. I don't meet family. I have to know you're gonna stick around before I meet family."

"I promise the only people who will be there are my brother and his wife. That's it."

I didn't like passing up an opportunity to ride behind Dean. I gave it some thought. "Ok fine. But this is the only time."

Dean's entire family....his twin brother and wife, his younger brother and wife, his sister and her husband...and his parents....were all there. He really didn't have any idea. Word had spread that Dean was bringing some new girl so everyone showed up. (You know what they say about payback!)

During the afternoon his dad asked, "So how long have you guys been dating?"

In stereo we answered, "We're not."

To be continued.....

For Kathy..

2012-01-19T07:24:00.000-06:00

For Kathy, who is mom to a little boy with DS and curious about the urology issues: This is not information I would normally put out in public, but how are other parents of little boys supposed to know about stuff if nobody talks about it? So lets pretend this is someone else's little boy I'm talking about. Mmmm kay?

The most obvious, an our reason for a visit to the urologist, is pinhole Phimosis. This is where the foreskin is sealed shut. In this little boy's case there is a very tiny pinhole at the top (not the end, but the top) for urine to escape. Ballooning of urine inside the skin is a problem as well. He cannot pee a stream, instead dribbling everywhere. In some cases of phimosis the skin can be stretched over a period of months to enable retraction. In this little boys case that is not possible. The fix is circumcision.

Communicating Hydrocele. We didn't even know he had this, but once the doctor pointed it out to me (by shining a light on the testicle!) I can see it. A hydrocele is where abdominal fluid leaks through a channel down into the the sac surrounding the testicle causing swelling. It can be communicating or non-communicating. "Communicating" means the fluid moves back and forth from the abdomen to the testicle. "Non-communicating" means the fluid moved to the testicle when the testicle descended, but the channel closed off so the fluid is now trapped there. A communicating hydrocele needs to be repaired because other abdominal contents, such as the intestines, can slip through the channel as well.

Because of the phimosis and hydrocele he is also much more likely to have another problem common to little boys with DS, which is hypospadias. However, because he has phimosis we can't see if he has this problem.

The exam was pretty simple, and Asher never even stopped listening to music on my phone. He just accepts whatever is dished out to him. He never batted an eyelash. While we were visiting with the Urologist I had a couple questions about Axel as well, who just happened to be with us. The doctor decided to take a quick look at him. He had Axel hop up on the table and I unbuttoned his pants. PANIC ENSUED!. The look on his face was, "What?? I was just along for the ride? What are you DOING? I saw what he did to Asher!!" When the very quick exam was done, Axel was throwing me death looks. I can't say that I blame him!

So using Dean's words when he so delicately stated his sympathy for Asher, "Oh man! His poor little Johnson!"

Building with the Boys

2012-01-19T02:50:00.000-06:00

I asked Dean to put together a couple sets of shelves for me. He had help.

This picture confirmed our suspicions about Asher's vision!

Must stop the work for kisses from Daddy!

Our other concern is Asher's hearing. He is constantly putting his face against things to feel the vibration. We have no idea if he does this because he doesn't hear well, or because it's something he did in the orphanage for sensory input. It could be some of both I suppose. He did not get a "pass" in either ear for his OAE screening. He'll have an ABR hearing test done when he has his tonsils out.

Question for fellow adoptive parents

2012-01-18T19:37:00.000-06:00

What do you do when the "talking back" is non-verbal and not something you could make them stop? I'll have to see if I can get it on video (probably can since Asher does it 100 times a day.) In a way it's good because he's expressing his opinion, but I'm about done with his opinion! LOL

Do you see what I see?

2012-01-18T02:45:00.001-06:00

Besides the very cute boy with the most kissable cheeks ever, I also see a pointer finger.

NOTHING!

2012-01-18T00:18:00.003-06:00

Asher saw the dentist today for the first time in his 7 years. He doesn't have a single cavity! He does have molars that are ground down to nothing, some new molars coming in along with some new lower front teeth erupting, but other than that, things look good! He sat SO WELL in my lap to have his teeth cleaned. I was very proud of him. He's such a very good little boy.

The dentist will be seeing him in the O.R party we'll be having in a few weeks though. They need to get a set of X-rays and look at the roots of those lower baby teeth to determine if they're pulling them or leaving them alone.

Tomorrow (which is readily today!) we see the Urologist. He's the last specialist on our list and then we can get surgery scheduled! Here's a list of the possible ELEVEN things he'll be having done. ( I say "possible" because we won't know until that day weather or not he's getting teeth pulled, and the Urology experience WILL have two items, but #3 we won't know until that day either.) Of all these things, only those with *'s will bother him afterward.:

*Tonsils (cuz they're massive and overlapping and he can't swallow solid food because of them)
*Adenoids (because that's usually just part of doing tonsils and they're probably huge too)
Bronchoscopy (to check for tracheolaryngeal malacia)
Endoscopy w/biopsy (to check for Celiac Disease)
Colonoscopy w/biopsy (to check for Hirschsprung Disease)
ABR (hearing test)
Dental X-rays
*Possible tooth extraction
*A 3-proceedure Urological experience (do you *really* want these details? I think not!)

I predict a week of valium. For Asher not me silly! Wait no, me too! We have considered putting off several items, but of all them, the dental stuff is the only one I'd be willing to postpone. All the rest is necessary as soon as possible.

Oh, and we get to pick up his glasses this week too! Maybe we should start the valium now? No for ME silly! Not Asher!

Bath Time

2012-01-17T02:39:00.000-06:00

This is the face I got the first time I put bubbles in Asher's bath.

Who messed with my bath?

To say he wasn't happy was an understatement. He wanted nothing to do with touching them, or them touching him. But then there is this mom who does the "you'll be fine" thing and throws them in anyway. The next day I put bubbles in the water again and he played with them like they were the best thing in the world!

Last Week/This Week

2012-01-16T22:36:00.000-06:00

Last week was busy busy busy! Let me recap for you:

Monday-I can't remember
Tuesday-therapies
Weds- International Adoption Clinic. 17 vials of blood drawn, referrals to additional specialists.
Weds-GI doctor. Agreed that Asher is suspicious for Hirschsprungs. Colon biopsy and endoscopy w/biopsy will be done when he has his T&A
Thurs - Eye doctor for the AAA's : Asher needs glasses (duh) Angela and Axel need surgery.
Friday - ordered Asher's glasses. His eyes are terrible! TRIED to get social security number ordered. FAIL Need new copies of some documents that are in SERBIA! Seriously? I gave them the exact same documents I gave them for Axel's SSN, and they didn't like them this time. Oh, and there's an error on the birth certificate that none of us...social worker, guardian or myself noticed. Hmmmmmm Would love to retry this same visit in three weeks with a different clerk and see what happens. ;-)
Saturday: Dean and I went on a date. To an appliance store. It was heavenly.
Sunday: Dean and Tyler started ripping out a wall while I tried to take a nap. ;-) Basketball practice for Angela and Axel.

This week holds:
Monday: Lots of folding clothes. By Axel. School for Axel. Got lots of reading, writing and and a little bit of art in.
Tuesday: Pediatric Dentist for Asher, then home to do school for Axel. Have I mentioned I pulled him out of school. Not because school is a problem, but because Axel is just not ready for that much time away from Mom and Dad. Therapy for Axel and Angela in the afternoon.
Weds: Urology appointment. This is the last specialist we need to see before scheduling surgery.
Thurs: Therapy for Axel and Angela.
Friday: No clue, hoping for a nap. I sometimes plan naps days in advance.
Saturday: I believe there will be chaos here. I'm dreading it.
Sunday: More of Saturday, basketball practice for Angela and Axel in the evening.

Snow

2012-01-16T02:36:00.000-06:00

Asher has seen snow before, but he's never seen it actually falling from the sky. Today you get to witness an orphan "first". Its rare that I catch them on video!

We getting into the car after one of our doctor visits when I turned around to find Asher a little freaked out! When he's unsure of something he's afraid to walk so takes little tiny baby steps, and he looks like he's going to cry. (he's not. He's only cried a couple of times since being home) The grunt is something he does when he likes whatever the new thing is. This was the face I constantly saw in the orphanage every time I showed him something new.

I Missed It!

2012-01-15T21:29:00.002-06:00

Oh my gosh, I can't believe I almost missed it!

I know you're here, because there are usually 300+ hits a day on this blog, and yet only 1-3 commentors most of the time. That's ok, because I know not everyone has the time (or desire) to comment, but I'd love if you comment on this post and introduce yourself! It's kind of like mingling at party and finding someone hiding out a corner. C'mon out, It's fun! So how did you find me? How long have you been here. What keeps you coming back? Do you have any topics you'd like to see here?

Can't wait to "meet" you!

Update: Family

2012-01-15T10:20:00.000-06:00

(this is one of the posts that was sitting in my drafts. LOL)

So I've updated about each of the kids, and about my teeth, but I haven't updated about how we were doing as a family.

When I met Asher on November 22nd, I was a bit surprised at how "young" he was. If I felt that way, I knew Dean was really going to have to adjust his thinking before we got home. As soon as I got back to the apartment that day we got on Skype. "He's really young Dean. REALLY young. Go get Little Earl (our 18 month old nephew) and bring him to the house to help you childproof."

He didn't do that.

So when Asher and I came home, that very first morning was a bit like putting a bull in china shop. And, Asher is pretty good about stuff, really only touching things that have dangle potential. But there was the diapering, the feeding, the general supervision required of a toddler, that we just weren't prepared for. Then the supervision of all the kids (that we WERE prepared for) as we made sure they could safely play with their new little brother. Plus I was very sick, and then we were all sick, and then I got sicker. I couldn't even start the long list of Asher's specialist appointments. It took us a couple of weeks to find our groove, and now I can say with confidence that we've found our new "normal". The house has a routine, the kids are used to one another, the play is mostly safe, Dean has relearned now to change a poopy diaper, the dogs don't care about the poopy diapers anymore, the visits to specialists are almost done, and in two weeks we'll get into a different groove. One that requires fewer trips to doctors every day.

So we've adjusted now, and we are absolutely loving our life with Asher. He cracks us up 75 times a day, and even Axel, who had the most difficult time with this new little brother, is beginning to bond with him. They've been playing together all morning.

My Job as their Mom

2012-01-15T00:09:00.000-06:00

Tonight I was reading another blogger's post about conversations with their newly adopted child. A child who has only been home a few months.

My heart ached.

Axel does not yet have the language needed to ask questions about his world. Think of any other 6-10 year old. They are FULL of questions. Angela asks a million questions every day. But Axel...Axel can't ask questions. I have to listen in my head for the voices of my older boys when they were his age. What questions would they have asked? Then I try to answer them in the form of running commentary about whatever we're doing at the moment.

It's exhausting, and I have to say I haven't been very good about it lately. I feel like I've let him down, this boy who wants to know all about the world.

And what about Asher? I feel like I haven't been doing enough. He needs the whole world labeled for him like an 18 month old would. I need to get back in the habit of labeling every object I pick up. Every thing that I'm doing.....but do it all in sign. I have to. It's my job. It's the only way my boys will learn language and be able to express it.

At the dinner table Axel's chair faces the windows. A couple weeks ago Axel said, "Mom." and pointed outside. "Black".

"You're right Axel, it is dark outside. It's night time." He has no idea those little tiny lights in the sky are called stars.

Asher is such an easy boy. If left to his own devices he would spend his day laying on his side (so he only uses his good eye to see) dangling an object or banging it on his tongue. I have to say, there are days where he spends too much time doing this and I let him. He's easy to engage if I make the effort to do so. He WANTS to be engaged, he just doesn't know how to do it on his own. It's my job. My job to keep him part of this world as much as possible.

It doesn't feel like just being part of our family, learning our daily routines, etc. is enough. I feel like I should be doing MORE. More of everything. I need to take both boys, particularly Axel, more places to see more things that are all things he should know....

What is a farm?
What is an apple orchard?
What is a dump truck?
What is a hammer?
What is a paint brush?
What is a bakery?
How do you dribble a ball?
How do you draw a person?
What is a sewing machine?
What do freshly baked cookies smell like?
Does Pizza only come in a box?
Where does meat come from?
Where do eggs come from?
Where does milk come from?
What is money?
What is a car wash?
That is a broom, but what is the thing called the dirt goes into?
What is a scooter?
What are those lights in the sky at night?

There is so much....so so much.

Let's go walking

2012-01-14T17:40:00.001-06:00

In my post previous post I said I had a lot of posts in drafts. Wow...I have more than I thought. I decided to finish up some of them and bring them back to life. This one is from July 2011:

The other day kids and I took a walk through the nature preserve right next to our house. The last time we were there was early last spring, right before Axel's surgery. Walking through dense brush and tall grass really wasn't possible, nor very fun, with Axel in a halo.

It has been really tough to get Angela outside this year. Like much of the rest of the country we had record temps, and with Angela having anhydrosis it just wasn't possible for her to be outside. Then in July we bought her a new cooling vest. She can even be outside when it's 100* now, when the rest of us are sitting like damp lumps not wanting to move. Axel couldn't be out because the vest of his halo was encased in lambs wool

We found the remnants of a HUGE snapping turtle. I wonder how old it was? Angela was disgusted, Axel was fascinated. He's still trying to understand "turtle" so to tell him "dead turtle" is far beyond his level of comprehension.

As much as I hated Axel's neck brace, I loved when he wore this shirt with it. It almost looked like the brace was part of the guitar on his shirt. LOL

The could care less if I can keep up or not!

A Bloggy Award

2012-01-14T11:04:00.000-06:00

My friend Hevel over at KosherKola gave me an award. Fun! I haven't gotten a bloggy award in a long time.

The rules are pretty simple: Post 7 thing about yourself that your readers wouldn't know about you, and pass the award onto up to 5 other bloggers.

Hmm...I'm such an open book, it might be hard for me to come up with 7 things people don't know about me. (The last time I did something like this I shocked a couple of people and I think they stopped reading.)

1) I detest entertaining. Wait, no...that's not entirely true. I don't like the preparation part of entertaining, and I'm terrible at the hostess part of the job. You know, remembering to offer people something to eat/drink, etc. I'm more of a "There's the kitchen, help yourself" kind of person. Really though, I think my dislike of entertaining goes back my inability to cook. When I met Dean, I had this sign in my kitchen:

That sign is no joke and very much true. It's still hanging in my kitchen.

2) I have 31 blog posts in draft which will probably never be published. Some are controversial, some have far over the TMI line, and others are only a subject line with a couple of sentences. Those particular posts, the ones with just a couple sentences, usually come about after a life experience when I think, "I SO need to blog this!" Then I get a couple sentences down so I can remember the thought and come back to it later.

3) I dabbled in watercolor art once. Here's the first watercolor I ever painted.

Two days later I painted this one. When I was 1/2 way through the artist who was teaching me told m I picked on of the most difficult pictures to do because there is skin which I guess is hard to do!

These were done under the instruction of an artist. He helped me understand the mixing of colors, etc but they were painted 100% by me. My mom, who is an incredible watercolor artist, was impressed, and bought me an entire set of materials, including canvases. Hmmm Maybe I'll dig those out again.

4) I once, in a small town in south central Minnesota, I layed in the middle of the street laughing hysterically. Don't ask.

5) I have a bucket list. All the things on the list involve conquering my biggest fears. I used to have a "before 40 list" but that is long gone. (and I've done all of the things on the list!)

6) I'm really painfully shy. No really.

7) I'm also a fairly decent actress. (this goes back to #6) and when I was in high school I learned to "fake it" that I'm not.

Ok, now to pass this award onto 7 other bloggers. Most of the blogs I read right now are adoption related, but since this is a "Versatile" award, I'm going to try to spread this around.

1) Jennifer at A Difference To This One. Jennifer is mom to 6, 5 of whom are adopted. Jennifer has been really good at keeping things "real" on her blog. And, not having any real experience with Down syndrome, she and her husband stepped out on a limb and last spring brought home two little boys with DS from Bulgaria. Their path has not been easy, but I love reading about their journey.

2) Kate over at Teaching Learners with Multiple Special Needs. This is one of the most useful to me blogs I've ever read. If you're looking for ideas of things to do with your unique learner, Kate's blog is the place to go! She posts almost daily too.

3) Dan Niblock over at Down with Oz. Blogging dads are hard to find, and Dan is a great reader. He also needs to update his blog!

4) Laura over at The Organizing Junkie. I'm a new reader over there, and I love it! Like she does a lot of people, I'm sure, Laura inspires me to....to...to do SOMETHING to fix my life and my house. But her site is more than just a blog, its a place where you an glean all kinds of information to help you fix your house too. Go have a look! (there's also a button for her site on my left sidebar)

5) CraftFail This is a site where you can submit your failed attempts at being crafty. It makes me feel so much better about myself. I don't know if they'll want me award over there, but I'm giving it to them anyway.

Three appointments down!

2012-01-12T18:13:00.002-06:00

Wow, it's been a busy week and it's not even over yet! And although tomorrow was supposed to be a "free" day, I had a feeling it wouldn't stay that way. I was right!

Weds we went to the International Adoption Clinic at the University of Minnesota. We really like Dr. Eckerley! She also saw Axel when we brought him home last year. He was the first child with Down syndrome they've had come through the clinic.

The doctors at the international adoption clinic are very knowledgeable about the issues faced by adoptees coming from various countries around the world. Each country has a certain way it treats it's orphans and some give better care than others. Also, certain countries are known to have poor diets, certain parasites, or high incidence of this or that. Also, when being seen through the IAC, it's very common to find the child needs referrals to various specialists, and I've found this is the fastest way to get into them! The last thing is it's comforting to be around medical staff who "get" that this child is working on bonding and to not fall into the "Oh he's so cute!" thing. I don't have to worry about stopping people from hugging him because if I can't intervene quickly enough, they will turn him back to me and remind him that hugs are for Mama only.

Asher had a very brief developmental assessment done by the OT. VERY brief. It's really to get a general idea where he's at, but mostly to have referrals written for therapy services. I was correct in my guestimate of Asher's developmental levels. He's right in the 6-12 month range for fine motor, 12-18 months in gross motor, with some splinter skills up to the 24 month range. He was given referrals for ST/OT/PT and feeding therapy. The feeding therapy won't be started until his surgery is done and he's feeling back to himself. The other therapies....hmm...I'm not sure when is the right time to start them. The IAS usually recommends waiting until the child has been home 3-6 months so we can establish a good bond. I think that's probably about right based on how Asher is doing now. Also, I'm expecting surgery to cause a little bit of regression.

There were also orders written for a TON of bloodwork, but we also needed to see the GI specialist so this was put on hold until she could add to the list.

The GI specialist agreed that Asher needs a colon biopsy done to rule out Hirschsprungs Disease. Hopefully he doesn't have it. She also ordered blood work to test for Celiac disease, and a script for Miralax so we can start cleaning out his impacted colon.

She did also tell me that if Asher's Celiac antibodies come back showing celiac, and since Angela has the antibodies as well, it would be wise to put them on a gluten free diet.....even if they're not symptomatic. She kind of cringed when I told her Angela is a carb junkie. ;-)

Ok, can I just say right here and now, I am the WRONG parent to have a child on a gluten free diet? It involves lots of planning, not to mention cooking. I suck at both. Really. Anyone who knows me will completely agree with this statement. At this very moment in time there is no reason to go to such drastic measures, but that could all change with the results of Asher's testing. I'll be hiding under my rock until then.

Anyway, when the GI visit was done it was time for to get all that bloodwork done...17 vials worth! Poor Asher! But you know what, he didn't even BLINK. Nope. He is just so used to people doing things he has no choice about that he has NO fight in him. It's sad, really. I'd rather have him kick, thrash or at least cry. Wait...maybe not.

Today was a visit to the pediatric eye specialist. This was a new doctor for us and I really liked him as well. There were supposed to be two adults at this appointment, but we decided that Dean would go to work since it looks like he'll be taking off some days while Axel and I make a trip to Philly next month. So...lets go oldest to youngest, shall we?

Angela: Angela's vision is stable at the moment, but she is on the verge of needing bifocals. I know, right? I know lots of kinds younger than here who need them but it's usually associated with "older" kids with DS. When Angela was born she was completely lacking a tear duct on her left eye. The first time she had surgery on it was at 11 months, and she's had a few since then. The last time was to put a stent in when she was 8 or 9. That newly created duct just doesn't like to stay open. It's time to put a stent in again. Otherwise for now Angela is good and there is no need to change her glasses prescription. She was disappointed since she wants new glasses.

Axel: Axel's vision is perfect. Last year right after we came home we knew his tear ducts were completely blocked because he constantly has tears running down his cheeks. Unfortunately taking care of that problem had to take a back burner to getting his spinal fusion taken care of. Well, it's time to get it done. so Axel will be getting stents as well.

Asher: Oh, this is the appointment I've been most anxious for! I knew he wasn't seeing well, and I was right. Asher's left eye is significantly worse than his right, and the fact he has estropia and nystagmus in that one eye doesn't help. To compensate he's stopped using it and his brain has stopped registering that it's there. Tomorrow I'll be taking Asher to get his glasses, which I'm sure he will want nothing to do with. As we learned with Angela, when a child sees this way and you put glasses on them, they can't see any better with the glasses. It takes the brain as much as 6 months to realize that bad eye can now see and to start processing the information. The key to how long it takes is how long you can keep the glasses on the child, but trying telling a child to keep these things on his face that are interfering with how he sees! For now we're just going to try the glasses and go back in 6 months. Then if need be we'll switch to or add patching.

Since Asher will be having surgery sometime around the end of February, and since Angela and Axel also need their minor procedures done, I think I'm going to try something insane and schedule them all on the same day. Dean is going to have to take off work anyway, so it would eliminate days off if we can do all the kids on one day. Then he can take the other two home afterward and I'll stay at the hospital with Asher who will be in for a couple of days.

I think I'll call the hospital and see if I can get that suite booked now!

We were there for a total of 3 1/2 hours, but we did have a little fun while where there. For about 90 seconds we got to see our friends the Dickens who had an appointment at the same time. Micah is the cutest little thing! He's 4 and about 1/2 Asher's size. All the kids got to get hugs from him. (pictures lifted off Jennie's Facebook page.) I love when we get to run into friends!

This week's agenda

2012-01-09T02:04:00.002-06:00

This week will be a busy one; the kind that makes me want to hire a cook. Ok, every week makes me feel that way, but I think you get the picture. LOL

Monday: The only quiet day of the week, I think. My friend Mindi from school is coming for coffee. (Remember when I was in school?) We shared a couple of classes, created a new culture and society, and generally just had some fun! We haven't gotten to visit in ages. So far the afternoon is free but I have a sneaking suspicion this will be changing. For now I guess I'll be working on going through the mountain of papers that have been stacking up around here. Or maybe a nap. A nap sounds like a grand idea! Angela has floor hockey practice after school so one of us will pick her up right before dinner.

Tuesday: My friend Lynda is coming for coffee. (All this coffee and I don't even drink coffee! HA!) Lynda has 5 kids, one of them is 10 year old Ricky who has DS. She's also an adoptive parent. I can't wait for her to meet Asher! Then the running begins. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I pick up Axel from school early, then race home to pick up Angela, then take them both to a couple hours of ST/OT (speech therapy/occupational therapy) Now that we've added Asher to the mix he's getting to know everyone at the therapy center. On the days I'm really lucky, while the older kids are in therapy I can run Asher home to hang out with dad for a bit while I wait for therapy to finish. By the time we get home and have dinner then run through Angela's homework, its bedtime!

Wednesday: Let the fun appointments begin! Today will be two big appointments, one of which is really a combination of several. Asher is being seen at the University of Minnesota International Adoption Clinic which involves lots of blood work, an exam by the pediatrician who specializes in international adoption, a visit with the cardiologist, occupational therapist, and a few other things that I've now forgotten. When that appointment is done, in the same building is the pediatric GI specialist. I'm sure by the end of the day Asher will have had enough of being poked and prodded and I will be looking for a pillow. After school Angela has floor hockey practice.

Thursday: This is supposed to be a therapy day that is a repeat of Tuesday, but I changed things up a bit. I wouldn't want to keep the same routine two weeks in a row, right? Instead all three kids are scheduled to see the pediatric ophthalmologist at the University of Minnesota. They told me to plan on being there 4-5 hours. Ouch! Thankfully Dean will be meeting us there for this appointment. I'm very curious to hear what they have to say about Asher's vision. I'm also crossing lots of body parts that they'll say Angela is done with glasses. A girl can hope, right? (as a side note, we've been told that before, and Angela was out of glasses for two years, only to have the same problem - strabismus - start back up again. Very common.) I'm waiting to be told Axel needs glasses. He was borderline a year ago.

Friday: I can't believe this, but there is NOTHING written on the calendar for Friday. I know this is subject to change. ;-) When Angela was little and getting birth-3 therapies in addition to a million doctor appointments, I tried to keep one day a week appointment free. During the summer I took the boys on "Adventure Wednesday" activities with just them, leaving Angela home with a sitter. I guess this week Friday will be our free day. I think Asher will go to bed a little early and we'll have a movie night with the big kids.

Saturday: I suspect there will be some demolition going on.

Sunday: Busy morning, more demo, then Angela and Axel have basketball practice in the evening. One of us will help out with them, and the other will take Asher swimming. I think we're going to do a coin toss. Yes we are Dean!

Asher: ENT visit and your thoughts

2012-01-08T00:54:00.000-06:00

Our pediatrician switched clinics, and her new place is affiliated with the University of Minnesota system. That means if one of the kids sees a specialist in that system, our regular ped. can access the reports right away without having to wait until they're forwarded to her. Our International Adoption Clinic - which I LOVE - is also part of this system, so I decided to have Asher see specialists who are all affiliated with the same system.

Our first specialist on our list this month is the ENT. He's brand new to us, but well-known in the area because he's who everyone goes to for cochlear implants. He knows his stuff. Too bad those smarts don't come with a great bedside manner.

Just as most people are, this Dr. was a little surprised to see this tiny little guy sitting in his chair, then see a chart that says he's 7 years old.

So first I told him why we're there. Asher's tonsils are huge, he can't swallow anything more than applesauce consistency because they're so huge and he thrashes and gasps all night in his sleep so I'd be shocked if he didn't have obstructive sleep apnea. Also I want an ABR done at the time of surgery. I think his hearing is fine, but as long as he's going to be under anesthesia it's a good time to have the test done.

On with the exam.....

The doctor looks in Asher's mouth and says, "Yep, those need to come out as soon as possible and we'll do adenoids too. And, just so you know, although his ears look clear now, if I find fluid in his ears at the time of surgery I'd like to put tubes in. And do you want his tongue reduced at the same time?"

Ummm....what?

"His tongue? No."

Tongue reduction surgery was a hot topic several years ago when people were doing cosmetic surgery on their kids with Down syndrome to eliminate the facial features that identify our kids as "different". It's highly controversial and....well no...I don't want that done.

"Ok but wait. Tell me why you would want to reduce his tongue."

Asher has Macroglossia from years of sucking on his tongue when it was his only form of stimulation. His baby teeth sit at a funny angle, at the very front of his gums (so you actually see MUCh more off the tooth root that you normally would.) This is from his tongue constantly laying over his teeth, pushing them forward. Since coming home he's had three adult teeth start to erupt, and they're at the back of his gums where they're supposed to be. However, they will eventually move forward from the same tongue pressure.

Then he went on to explain to me what will happen to his jaw as he goes through the next two growth spurts of the mandible.

"Yes, but you see? I've taught him to respond to a prompt to close his mouth. We prompt him about a million times a day so eventually it should just become habit."

So he had me tell Asher to close his mouth, and the doctor very carefully moved Asher's lower lip. There was his tongue...out past his teeth. This picture is pretty classic. His lips are most often pursed when closed because it's hard to close them over his tongue.

"Well, but you should have seen how big his tongue was a month ago. It's shrunken significantly since then."

The doctor explained to me that it won't shrink much more than it already is, and why.

"But won't he have more room for his tongue once those giant tonsils are out?"

Possibly, but not enough to compensate for his tongue.

From there we went to have a booth hearing test done. I'm very well versed in these. Not only worked with them for years, but Angela has a moderate bilateral hearing loss and wears hearing aids. I knew they wouldn't be able to train Asher for the booth today. But they could do an OAE which is a good screening tool.

Asher did not pass the OAE in EITHER ear!!! I was completely caught off guard by this. His ear canals were perfectly clear, his tympanograms (measures the movement of the ear drum) were fine, so it's unlikely he has fluid in his ears. Again, this is just a screening tool so now I'm very interested in the results of the ABR when we finally get it done.

Then we went back to meet with the doctor again to go over the hearing test. Not surprisingly we weren't able to get any kind of results with the tone testing, but he did say the fact the OAE measured poorly in each ear is a pretty good indicator that we'll find some level of hearing loss with the ABR. This is when the doctor asked me if we also wanted to do a gtube.

Umm...NO again!

And yes, I'm well versed in gtubes too, since Angela had one until she was four!

"Why would he need a gtube? Yeah, so he only eats mush, which is not super convenient for me, but it's doable. He's gained 7 pounds in the month he's been with us."

He asked how Asher is doing swallowing liquids.

"Umm...terrible. But he's not getting sick and I think it's pointless to do a swallow study until his tonsils are out. I know it's going to take him awhile to figure out what to do with all that space in his throat, but I say lets give him a chance to prove to us he can't do it before we go jumping into a gtube."

No...not even thinking about a gtube right now. Nope.

But that tongue....I don't know ANYONE who's done the tongue reduction surgery, and I know a lot of people! The doctor did say it would not have any affect on his speech (of which Asher has not even one single solitary word right now.) So the biggest effect would be to his teeth and jaw, along with apnea that he said will likely be a problem even with his tonsils out because of his tongue.

Dean and I are at a loss what to do with this information. For now, we're doing nothing until after his tonsils are out and we can see how he does with more space. I know it's an incredibly painful procedure. So, I'd like to hear your thoughts. Help me think this one through.

Angela's post

2012-01-08T00:01:00.002-06:00

Angela made a very special donation today. Go have a look at the post on her blog!

Urgent prayers!

2012-01-07T23:29:00.000-06:00

We have to big issues needing prayer requests tonight!

The first is for my grand daughter. Cheyenne was born 2 1/2 months ago on October 17th.

Just a couple weeks after she was born she had what appeared to be a stye starting on her eye. It was checked out a couple of times, but has continued to grow. Here's what it looks like today.

Yesterday Cheyenne was seen by a specialist at Chicago Children's hospital. They originally thought this was a hemangioma but those are usually 'spongy' and this has mass to it. An MRI was done last night and it was found she has a high-contrast mass that involves the entire socket and goes behind the eye. Her eye is being compressed. Monday she'll be having a biopsy done which for her, given the very vascular structure of the mass and her tiny size, is very high risk. Please keep Cheyenne, my son Rob and his wife Heather in your prayers. Not only is this very worrisome, but they are not close to home and have two other little ones at home they are juggling as well as pets.

And for our our next prayer request. On February 2nd Axel has an appointment to meet with his surgeon in Philly to find out what we're going to do with his neck. I have to take Asher along on this trip since it's just too soon to be leaving him with someone else. Shriner's pays for both Axel and I, but we pay for Asher's ticket. The tickets for Axel and I are already booked, but we can't find a ticket for Asher under $800! It is insane to pay $800 for this ticket. Our other option is to use Delta SkyMiles. I currently have 13,856 miles, but the flight needs 33,000 miles. If anyone is willing to contribute miles, please let me know. I have NO idea how to do that or how it works, but I can certainly find out!

Ok, I think that about covers the prayer requests for this week!

Realities of Adoption Adjustment

2012-01-06T23:49:00.000-06:00

When we adopted Axel, he made a very smooth transition into our family. At home he acted fantastically, at school...not so much! He still had to learn that he is accountable to Mom and Dad even when he can't see us. His honeymoon in his new school this fall lasted....oh...less than 24 hours. TOPS!

Axel seemed to be going through every possible behavior he could dish out. When we would address one behavior, he would come up with another. Some of the behaviors included being a little tornado and throwing anything in reach, bossing his classmates, doing the flop-n-drop (sometimes while kicking and screaming) in the middle of the hallway. The most difficult to address behaviors, and the most disturbing, have involved grabbing or poking staff in the crotch or boob, and giving them a swat on the rear end if they happen to bend over anywhere near him. He has done some things that have really made is question some of his placements over the years and what he has seen and heard. yet all the while he is FANTASTIC at home! None of these behaviors happen when Dean or I are at school.

The entire first part of the school year I spent a LOT of time at Axel's school. The last couple of weeks before I left to get Asher, Axel had turned things around and was really doing well at school. He was spending more time in the mainstream classroom and really settling in.

Then I left to get Asher, and Axel clearly didn't like that I was gone. Oh wait...maybe he LOVED that I was gone! There was no mom to show up at school when he was being exceptionally naughty. But he was also giving Dean a hard time.

I've been gone before, like last May when I was in Serbia for 10 days. Axel did just fine. But this time, when we were skyping, I not only stayed at the same place I'd stayed when adopting him, but we were showing him pictures of another kid. Sometimes, videos of me with the other kid. I'm sure he wondered if I was coming home. There was probably some jealousy about that other kid we were showing him pictures of.

And then it happened.....Axel got up for school one morning to Skype with mom and she had THAT KID ON HER LAP!!! That day at school Axel was just off the wall. His staff at school is very capable and they finally had to call Dean in. Together Dean and I decided to pull Axel out of school the rest of the week. They were spending more time having to deal with behaviors than actual school. Asher and I arrived home on Friday, and the next Monday I went to school with Axel again, just to remind him that Mom was home and it was time to get back to business.

It hasn't been easy, but Axel is settling down again. Now that we're into a routine, and he can see that we still love him the same as we did before Asher came along, he's realized all is ok in his world. Now, I'm pretty sure this stuff would have happened if we brought home a new baby, but I also think there is more to it than that. Although Axel was doing really well, he was still not 100% secure about his place in the family. There is no way to predict how a child is going to react to the new sibling, and Axel certainly gave no indication he was going to have problems.

This week was better for Axel at school, but he has found a new angle that he's never tried yet. It is called "peeing on the floor" and it is enough to send this mom through the roof. Tonight Axel and Angela were dancing to some show on T.V. Asher was laughing watching them so I brought him over to get involved. That's when I found the puddle on the floor, and Axel dancing away in pants that were soaked to his ankles. As soon as Axel realized I noticed, he grinned at me.

Dear, darling Axel, grinning at mom in this particular situation would not be the right thing to do. This would cause mom to label the peeing as "attention seeking behavior" and not "an accident because I was too busy." Axel has been home a full year. He doesn't have accidents. Ever. This wasn't an accident.

I made him clean up the mess, get his wet clothes off and get himself in the shower. Then he came out for (our very late) dinner, then it was bedtime. I put Asher to bed while Dean sent Axel into the bathroom. Axel came into the bedroom a few minutes later and climbed into bed, then Dean and I said goodnight to both boys.

An hour later I walked into the bathroom and stepped in a puddle.

Grrrrrr When Dean sent Axel to the bathroom before bed, Axel had gone into the bathroom and peed all over the floor! So I wondered if he'd pulled his pants down to pee or not. I went into the bedroom where both boys were now sound asleep. Sure enough, Axel's pj pants were SOAKED...and now so was his bed.

I got Axel out of bed, made him take off the wet pi's, made him clean up the mess on the floor, then he got back into the shower to get rid of the pee smell.

So, Dean and I need to think how we're going to address this. It's clearly attention seeking behavior, and usually you don't give attention to this type of behavior. So we're going to count to a million so as not to loose our cool, toss him a towel and cleaning supplies and walk away. In the meantime we'll try to give a ton of attention to the good things, while at the same time act a bit proactively to prevent the behavior from happening in the first place.

It all sounds good in theory, but sometimes it's hard to remember in the moment. We rocked our little man's world and we need to calm the waters a bit. And the upheaval hasn't ended. We have another event coming up soon that is bound to throw all the kids off a bit. No, it's not an adoption, but definitely disruptive to the household!

On Mainstreaming...sorta

2012-01-06T22:12:00.000-06:00

Just before I left for Serbia to get Asher, I had a meeting with the staff in Angela's school to select mainstream classes for her to enroll in at the turn of the trimester. (which happened while I was gone.) Apparently my first choice class for a particular hour wasn't available so Angela was placed in the second choice class. It's called "Issues in Wellness" and covers a very wide variety of topics important to teens. Things like how to write letters to colleges, nutrition, just all kinds of things!

Our driveway is sort of long, and very steep. At 6:45 s.m. when Angela goes to the bus it is pitch dark, and she's standing at the end of the driveway hidden by the trees, so Dean usually goes to the bus stop with her. A couple days ago it was colder than it had been. A conversation ensued....

A: I'm cold dad.
D: Yep, it's cold out here this morning.
A: My ears are cold.
D. Good thing you have a headband on.
A: My hands are cold.
D: Good thing you have gloves on.
A: My testicles are cold.

Dean wasn't expecting that any more than you were.

Now, the word "testicles" isn't one that's used in our house on a regular basis....or at all for that matter. We wondered in what situation that word was added to her vocabulary.

Tonight the were playing in the bedroom. The older two were kind of quiet and Asher was laughing hysterically watching them. I snuck around the corner and wasn't really sure what I was seeing, but it involved the toy stethoscope and an old ace bandage. It also involved Axel laying on his back holding his knees.

A little later I ran to pick up our chinese take-out and ran into one of Angela's mainstream classmates. Guess what they watched today in the Wellness class? Yep, childbirth videos!

Serbian Adoptions: The 411

2012-01-05T23:11:00.005-06:00

So you're wondering about adopting from Serbia. Is it for you? Will it work for your family? How much does it cost? What types of children are waiting for families? What are the requirements? I hope I can answer some of your questions, or point you in the direction of someone who can.

Serbia (formerly Yugoslavia) is located in the Balkan region region of Europe. It is a small country, covering 34, 116 square miles. You can find out a lot about Serbia's history by reading here.

You can go to the Department of State's website for more details, but here are the basics:

Serbia is not party to the Hague Convention.

Serbia requires that parents not be more than 45 years older than the child they are adopting. Parents must be married, but a common-law marriages can qualify. Single parents are approved on a case-by-case basis.

There are currently more than 500 families in Serbia waiting to adopt healthy infants. While Serbia is slowly making progress in the area of services and acceptance for those with disabilities, they still have a long way to go. Because of this, the only children available for adoption from Serbia are those with physical or mental impairments who's needs can be better met in a country such as the U.S. There are currently approximately 50 children who are currently registered for international adoption in Serbia. Their needs vary from Down syndrome, Cerebral Palsy, Cleft lip/palate, Autism spectrum disorders or sibling groups. (keep in mind that except in the case of Down syndrome where a chromosome analysis can be done, diagnosis, particularly of Autism Spectrum Disorders, are not always accurate.) It is important to keep in mind that some things seen as "severe" in Serbia are diagnosis that are "no big deal" here in the U.S. This is mostly do to the services, both educational and medical, available in the U.S. Children in Serbia born with obvious differences are usually institutionalized at birth. Although laws have been passed ordering these children to be placed in foster care instead, and that those currently residing in institutional care also be moved to foster care, the fact is there are very few foster families willing to take the children. While education and public service announcements are becoming more common (I just saw some AWESOME t.v. commercials including many adults with Down syndrome during my most recently stay!) change takes time. While the children wait for change, they do just that....wait....

With the exception of sibling groups, families are only allowed to adopt one child at a time from Serbia.

Now that you have some background, let me explain the adoption process.

Serbian adoptions are independent. While you need to work with a licensed homestudy agency to complete the homestudy process, you do not need to work with an adoption agency. You can make all your own arrangements for travel, lodging, translation etc. If you don't feel comfortable doing that, and would like more of a "hand holder", you can contact Cherish Our Children International. They are a US based 501c3 NGO registered with the US Embassy in Belgrade. (I'll cover this more later in the post.)

1) Contact the Serbian Ministry directly. (email me and I can send you the email address) This should be a formal email in biography format. Include information about your family, your background, your income, etc. If you have a child with a disability already, include that as well as why you feel you can handle another child with special needs. Also include information about your relationships with extended family and what support systems you have in place should you adopt a child with special needs. In other words, what makes YOUR family a good candidate for a child with special needs from Serbia. List the criteria for a child who would fit into your family. For example, we were willing to adopt a child, either boy or girl, between the ages of 6-12 with Down syndrome or any other special needs. If you are specifically requesting a child with Down syndrome, you need to be open to all the medical diagnosis that are possible with Down syndrome because many of the issues are not diagnosed in Serbia. I also included photos of our home, our yard, the bedroom the child would sleep in, as well as some pictures of Angela participating in some of her many activities in the community. I explained how normal life for is for Angela in our community.

2) The Ministry will respond to your inquiry. Please be aware the "adoption unit" is run by a group of people who wear several hats, and adoption is just one of their many responsibilities. There are also only two English speaking contacts in the office. While people often receive a response with a couple of business days, there are odd holidays thrown in there and there, not to mention it's a very busy office. Please be patient. If you don't receive a response within two weeks, contact them again. When they do respond to you, it will be with additional questions, and/or requests for more information. At some point the ministry will request your dossier.

3) Items that must be included in your dossier. All items must be certified, notarized an apostilled:
1. Homestudy
2. Birth certificates for all adults in the household
3. Marriage License (and divorce decrees if applicable)
4. Federal Criminal Backround check (this is not the same as the Adam Walsh)
5. State Criminal Background check
6. Local Criminal Background check
7. Medical reports for both parents. This is very generic, and only needs to state that the individual is free of serious or communicable diseases or psychological disorders. Must be on physical letterhead and notarized.
8. The following financial records:
a. Bank statement including account balance (checking and savings)
b. copy of latest income tax return
c. Letter from current employer which must include annual wages
d. Mortgage certificate listing you as owner of your home, or a letter from landlord stating rent paid w/copy of your lease.
9. Proof of US residency (copy of passport)
10. Photograph

4. Your dossier must be translated into Serbian. You can contact the US Embassy, Belgrade to request a list of translators. Please note the Embassy cannot endorse any translator. They will only provide you a list of translators who are qualified to translate your documents.
US Embassy in SerbiaKneza Miloša 50
11000 Belgrade
Serbia
Tel: (+381 11) 306 4655
http://belgrade.usembassy.gov/

Your other option is to contact COCI (Cherish Our Children International) and they will make translation arrangements for you. The going rate for translation is 10 euro per page. There is a 1900 keystroke per page limit, so some documents (such as your homestudy) will translate to several pages more than the original. (for example, my updated homestudy was 8 pages but translated to 14) When counting pages of your originals, be sure to count the appostille pages! (You may also contact COCI for information about walking you through the rest of your in-country process. I have been involved with COCI for a little over a year now and their staff is amazing! Please read more details about their work in Serbia by clicking here. COCI is a true example of what it means to work with a society for change!)

5. At some point in the process - it seems to be a little different depending upon the circumstances of certain children/families - the ministry will provide you with a list of children who are registered for international adoption who fit the criteria you have requested. When I adopted Axel, I had met him on a previous visit so I made my My adoption of Asher was the first truly "blind" adoption. Meaning I did not have any information on a child prior to my inquiry. At that time you may ask for further questions to help you make a decision. Please be patient with this process. The ministry (which is like the state) must contact the child's social center (which is like the county) who is responsible for the child. However, the child might actually be housed in a facility at the other end of the country from the social center so it can take a few days to get your questions answered. It is possible you will not receive a picture of the children! Due to the selling of information that happened in previous years, Serbia is extremely protective of the privacy rights of it's children. Please be respectful of us. We did not get a picture of Asher before we traveled. We could have chosen to wait for a picture, however Dean and I decided together that just like a pregnancy when we have no idea what our child will look like, this adoption was no different. We didn't care what he looked like. (and to be honest, Asher took horrible pictures and I think having his picture could have caused us to choose a different child.)

6. Both parents are required to travel. Once you have made your decision on a child, the ministry will give you a travel date. This is a FAST process! We were formally accepted for Asher on November 15th, and my meeting with the ministry in Belgrade was on November 22nd! The ministry will work with you on establishing a travel date that works for your family. We were prepared to travel quickly since we wanted our child home fast. In my opinion, if you're working toward completing an adoption, you know the travel is coming! With a Serbian adoption it's pretty easy to figure out a timeline.

7. Your first task in Serbia is to meet with the ministry. In attendance will be members of the Ministry, the child's legal guardian, social worker, and psychologist. If the child is in institutional care, a representative from the facility will be there was well. During this meeting they will go over the child's entire history with you, including social, medical, etc. You'll learn the circumstances that caused the child to come into state care. ( In both of my adoptions - both Asher and Axel were from the same birth city and represented by the same social center - I learned the names of the boys' birth parents, and that they were interested in contact.)

8. Immediately following the meeting you will go to meet the child. If your child is in Belgrade, it's a drive of just a few minutes. If the child is in another city you'll be driving there. Expect to stay in that city during the process of visitations with the child. For example, Axel was in a foster home in his birth city of Kragujevac. I stayed there for 9 days.

9. At some point in the visiting process two reports must be sent to the Ministry stating the social worker's opinion of how visits are going. If your child is in foster care, you will take the child into your custody much faster than if the child is in a facility. (In Axel's case I was granted custody on day 3, in Asher's case it was day 14. Even though I got custody of Axel sooner, the second report still had to be done, which was on day 6 or so.) The second report must be signed by the head minister of Serbia. Once you have a signature, hold on to your socks because things are going to move fast!

10. Usually the day after the signature, you will have the adoption ceremony in the child's birth city. If your child is over age 7, he or she must go with you because their finger print is needed to issue the passport. If your child is in institutional care and under age 7 he or she will not go to the birth city with you.

11. Once the ceremony is done, it takes 3-4 business days to complete the paperwork allowing the child to leave the country. Please allow yourself some room for error. Every adoption is different, and many cities have never processed an adoption before. I fly into Serbia on a one-way ticket and book my return flight 2-3 days before flying out.

I have completed two Serbian adoptions. The timeline for each is included on the left sidebar of my adoption blog. Axel's adoption, from the time we started the homestudy until I traveled was 4 months. Asher's adoption was much shorter! More like 4 WEEKS. The ministry asks you to plan on 16-21 days in country. For Axel's adoption I came home on day 16 (we could have come home on day 15), and Asher's adoption I came home on day 18.

You can go to my adoption blog where you'll find a cost summary on the left sidebar. You'll notice a significant difference in cost between Axel and Asher's adoptions. Asher's adoption was done before all my documents had expired. I had my original homestudy and Immigration approval written for two children from Serbia so I only needed to update those things. Currently, starting from scratch, a Serbian adoption will cost somewhere between $8,000-$13,500. The variable will be where you stay, the location of the child's birth city, where the child is housed, etc. If the child is in another city your expenses will be at the higher end. If your child is right in Belgrade your expenses will be at the lower end.

I hope you've found this post helpful in understanding the process of adopting from Serbia. Please don't hesitate to contact me for the email address of the Serbian ministry!

Loving My Family

2012-01-04T08:43:00.000-06:00

I love having a family to call my own!

Just a few days after coming home, I was already loving having a Papa.

I get so excited any time either Angela or Axel sit in this chair because there is room for ME to squeeze in with them!

And when we stayed up late to ring in the New Year, well big brothers are great to take a rest with on New Years's day. (and Mama's bed is the best for napping!)

But there is nothing better than sitting on Mama's lap for a story before bed.

Exploring his world

2012-01-01T21:57:00.002-06:00

Asher still spends much of his day stimming. It doesn't take any effort at all to get him to stop, its just a matter of showing him something and he's happy to come see what you're doing. But sometimes....sometimes he walks past something 99 times...unseeing, but the 100th time it catches his eye.

While this was going on, the other two decided to get their own game going.

Meet "Nate"

2011-12-31T22:46:00.004-06:00

Meet "Nate". (not his real name)

In 2007, Mental Disability Rights International did an investigation into the treatment of individuals with disabilities in the institutions of Serbia. Ianna, Nate and several other children were removed from the facility at that time. They were moved to the orphanage where Asher spent his entire life.

In April of 2010 I met Nate. Or maybe Nate met me! As you can see by Nate's eyes above, he looked right through me and into my soul. He spoke to me without uttering a sound. He told me with his eyes of the horrors he'd seen and heard. As he sat eating his lunch, the caregivers told us through a translator of all the things Nate could not do. As they spoke, Nate sat with a smirk on his face. When he was done eating he stood up and proceeded to do all the things the caregivers had just said he was unable to do.

Nate climbed into my heart and he stayed there. I've never stopped praying for him, and wondering what happened to him. He's one of the children I vowed to get out. Somehow...somehow I would get him out.

When I returned to Serbia in December 2010 I asked to see Ianna, and was told she'd been moved. I asked to see Nate and was told he'd been moved as well. My heart was broken knowing the two children I'd worried about most had been moved to Hell on Earth.

In May 2010, my third trip to Serbia in just one year, I was able to find out where Ianna had been moved to, but wasn't able to find out anything about Nate. My heart ached for him. I wish I could show you his pictures....you'd understand. You'd be able to see what I saw. What I still see and feel.

Just one month ago I returned to Serbia yet again, this time to bring Asher home. Asher was in the same facility where I'd met both Ianna and Nate. During my visits with Asher I was very limited what areas I could go to, though I did accidentally find myself on the wrong floor once. (the power had gone out and I had to take the stairs instead of the elevator...THAT was interesting!) When I walked onto the floor I looked at every face, trying to find those I recognized, particularly those who I know have families coming for them very soon. I just wanted to see them, and if I was really lucky, to put my hands on them. To tell them "Soon...soon your mama will be here for you."

Two days after I arrived home with Asher I received an email. It was from Kai's family. They'd found him! Nate was THERE. He called her "Mama" and took her hand. He knew that she was Kai's mama, and he understood. He understood that that Kai was one of the lucky ones. He, himself, would be left behind again.

Nate, a child with mild cp who walks, is in one of the "laying down rooms", a place where the non-ambulatory children are kept. Just as he was when I first met him, he is still skin and bones. During the days he is brought out to the hall to watch the world go by. There he sits, all day long. (updated to add: Kai's mom commented on this blog post. Please be sure to read her comment!)

Nate is either turning or just turned 12 years old. Twelve. He has spent 12 years waiting for his Mama to find him.

Who will be Nate's Mama?

Yet another update: Teeth

2011-12-30T22:36:00.003-06:00

Ok so I should update on my teeth since I left you all hanging and several people have either called or emailed!

On Tuesday I went back to my dentist to say FIX THIS TOOTH!! That and give me more drugs. On Friday they'd given me 16 Vicodin pills that were supposed to get me until I could get to an endodontist on Weds. Yeah..NOT happening! So I told them I couldn't find an endodontist who would take my insurance AND everyone was still closed from the Christmas holiday. By this time I was in excruciating pain and although the Vicodin wasn't doing much, it was at least taking the very edge off. By evening there were times the pain was bringing me right to my knees, feeling like someone was jabbing a hot poker through my teeth, and every single tooth on that side of my face hurt.

Weds morning I woke up with that side of my face swollen twice it's size, my eye nearly closed, and my nasal septum pushed way over to one side. I was actually contemplating taking a picture of myself in this grotesque state just for the sake of a blog-worthy picture, but decided that would be...well..bad.

As soon as office hours rolled around I called the University of Minnesota Dental Dept of Endodontics and Oral Surgery. They told me I could come in at 1:00. I arrived and sat in an exam room trying not to cry for a good 30 minutes before someone finally came in. This guy told me all he could do is pull the tooth because they're not endodontists. What??? The clinic I walked into said, "Endodontics" on the sign! Turns out that's who I'd called, but the receptionist scheduled me with a dentist. UGH! Anyway, he walked me upstairs to another clinic.

When I arrived there this dentist comes out and says, "Lets rock and roll!" I mumbled through my swelling if I should be worried because "Rocking and Rolling" was not really in my plan at the moment, but a morphine drip sounded great.

Before we even really started talking about the history, he gave me one quick shot of anesthetic to take the edge off the pain. (the decision to do this might have had something to do with the tears constantly flowing down my face.) Finally it was time to get to work. The biggest problem was there was so much swelling in my face there wasn't really any room to introduce more fluid in the form of anesthetic. Eventually it took a nerve block and enough anesthetic to knock down a horse before they could even touch the tooth without it causing more tears to fall. The dentist was incredibly nice and caring, and told me several times we were just going to take our time getting me good and numb. You see, I've had a root canal on the same tooth on the other side of my face without any anesthetic. That was the last time I was in a dentist's chair....15 years ago!

Yesterday I was feeling much better. I still woke up with my whole face and eye swollen, but it wasn't quite as bad as the day before, and not nearly as painful. Today I'm still in a tiny bit of pain (totally manageable with Ibuprofin) with a little bit of swelling, but feeling semi human. Looking back I realized I've been sick for two weeks. During this time my tooth was dying AND I had strep. It's been a long couple of weeks! The week before my tooth went bad was spent in a state of Jet lag, so I've basically been down since Asher and I arrived home. It's time to get this show on the road!

So, back to the real world now. They kids' Christmas vacation has been a lot of mom laying around not being very useful. Well, that an Angela spent much of the week sick as well. Hopefully this weekend I can make up for it a bit by doing some fun stuff with them before they go back to school next week!

Oh, and just so you know, I was able to keep the tooth AND the brand new crown that I had put on in Serbia.

Meet Kai

2011-12-30T09:05:00.000-06:00

Do you remember this little guy?

Well I promised to show you his WHOLE face once he came home, especially since many of you helped to get him there! Meet Malakai!

One of the first days out of the orphanage.

In his Christmas duds!

I had the pleasure of rooming with Kai's mom and dad Brianne and Jay in Serbia. They even got to meet Asher. Kai came home just two days before Christmas and they're just now recovering a bit. Their blog went private while they were in Serbia but I've heard a rumor they're going to start blogging again! YAY!

Anyway, feel free to comment here and welcome Kai home!

3 weeks home: Asher's Update

2011-12-30T08:46:00.000-06:00

Wow, where do I start with this? How about a couple cute pictures?

Let's tackle the medical first, shall we?

Eyes: Asher can't see much. We don't know how much is "not much" but we know it's not a lot! He LOVES shows like Sesame Street or Sid the Science Kid because they have super bright colors. But, he only likes them if he's within three feet of the tv. He will laugh like crazy at the characters moving around on the screen but if he's any further away you can tell he can't focus enough on them. Also, see how his head its tilted in the picture above, and one eye is focused and the other is not? That's because he needs to tip his head to focus one eye, while the other is basically non-functioning. When he walks his very toddler-ish walk with hands in the air its not for balance but a protective reflex so he can kind of feel his way around. All three kids have eye exams together on the 13th. They told me to plan on being there 4-5 hours! Dean will be taking off work that afternoon to join us. ;-)

Tonsils and Adenoids: OMG I have never seen tonsils so huge!!! These are not Asher's, but they look similar:

The difference is that Asher's are BIGGER! So big, in fact, that they're overlapping instead of pushing against one another. This would be why Asher cannot eat solid food. There is nowhere for it to go. It's also why he has to create an odd sucking system between his palate and tongue because the food has to move ABOVE his tonsils, which is the only place for it to go since his tonsils are too large for the food to move below them. So my attempts to get him to chew solid food have been put on hold and he's left with applesauce consistency until we can get these removed! Obviously the thrashing around in his sleep is what I suspected...obstructive sleep apnea. Asher also came home with strep, and now everyone on the house has it. Yay us! Asher and Axel will be seeing the ENT together. (and yes, kids can get strep without tonsils. Angela has it, and she had her tonsils removed when she was 9.)

Urology: I wasn't going to talk about this on the blog, but its relatively common among little boys with DS, and there are a lot of parents of new babies or soon-to-be adoptive parents of kids with DS here. Little boys with DS have a high incidence of urological issues. Nuff said!

Hearing: Asher's hearing appears to be 100% fine! Even so, we'll be doing an ABR in combination with the procedures above. Because we can.

GI: Asher will also need to have a colon biopsy done. He has many of the symptoms of Hirshsprung Disease Hopefully we can combine this with the other surgeries mentioned above. (We call these "Tune-ups" by the way. With Angela we often did several procedures at once to decrease the number of times she's under general anesthesia. Even with combining things she's been under more than 30 times!) His appointment with the GI doctor is coming up soon!

Speech/communication: Asher is not talking at all, and still just playing around with making sounds. He was largely silent in the orphanage, and I would put my money on him having been medicated while he was there. Now he is making all kinds of silly sounds. Our personal favorite is his loon laugh! (Sounds just like a Minnesota Loon!) He is signing quite a bit, though now I realize his funny handshakes are because he can't really see us! Still he can sign more, all done, bath, eat, milk, hot, mom, daddy, milk, bye bye and hi. He's doing GREAT! Can't wait to get some glasses on him so he can SEE Signing time! I think he'll really like it. He tries to imitate now but he cannot see what they're doing on the screen. Here's a video of our own personal Loon!

Dogs: Asher loves the dogs now. Let me rephrase that...Asher loves to use the dogs now! LOL One day shortly after we came home he was standing in the kitchen with a dangly toy. He hadn't really noticed the dogs at that point. Dudley happened to stand next o him, wagging his tail, only his tail was bumping Asher's dangly thing. Asher thought this was pretty funny and started laughing. Dudley moved a bit and Asher moved with him so he could keep using his tail. From then on the dogs have been under Asher's constant surveillance! He has discovered that when you're tired, dogs make a great place to stop for a rest.

Sometimes when you need to get a good look at the dog, it helps to get underneath him.

All in all, Asher seems to be adjusting quite well to being in a family. He is loving moving about the house at will. At first he didn't acknowledge the other kids unless he wanted to be picked up. Now he seeks them out and will hold a dangly toy while he watches them play, often laughing hysterically at their antics. He loves when Axel takes out an easier toy and shows him what to do with it. We think part of the reason he doesn't play with toys much on his own his because he can't see them. There is the whole issue about never having learned HOW to play with toys, but we suspect there is more to it than that.

So there's your Asher update at three weeks home!

Axel's Update

2011-12-29T10:11:00.000-06:00

Lots of people have been asking how Axel is doing with a new brother in the house, and even more have been asking how is neck is doing.

Axel needs to go back to see his surgeon at Shriners in Philadelphia, but I was waiting to get Asher's neck X-rays done first. Now that those are done and his (hooray!) clear of AAI, we get get scheduled for a little trip to Philly. I just need to come up with the money for Asher's plane ticket since he'll need to come along. Might be a little tight since I have to pay for a root canal first AND we need to get a van because HELLO! Three kids, one in a booster and one a full-sized car seat do NOT fit in the backseat of my car! LOL

Ok, so Axel's neck is still bothering him and sometimes he asks to wear his brace. We'll be in Philly soon.

Before I left for Serbia to get Asher, Axel was doing great in school. With some intensive behavioral interventions (read, "Mom going to school a lot!) he was having more good days than bad. Actually, he was having very few bad days, and was starting to spend more time with his mainstream peers. We even talked about moving him into the d/hoh (deaf/hard of hearing) regular ed K-2 grade classroom since he has so much more language now and is feeding off some ~~a lot of~~ some of the negative behavior of some kids in his DCD classroom. When he's with the regular ed. kids he behaves so much better.

And then I left. For three whole weeks! Axel was one very naughty boy the whole time I was gone, with his behavior regressing to where it was when I was in Serbia with him a year ago. He was also pretty naughty for Dean even though Dean stuck to his guns and made it clear he wasn't going to put up with the crap. Obviously there were many reasons for the change, all of which were expected, we just hoped we wouldn't see them. (one can hope, right?) It's going to take several weeks for him to get with the program again, but we have several plans that will be put to action when the kids go back to school next week.

There are times when it's very clear that Axel is jealous of the very baby-like Asher. It is all very normal, and we're going overboard to make sure Axel understands that we still love HIM, and that he has not lost his place in our family just because Asher is here. Again, it's all very normal reactions to change in the family structure, but some of his behaviors have been a bit tricky to address. We'll get there, eventually!

Axel DOES seem to enjoy Asher's presence at times, particularly if it means Asher is following him around like a puppy. He really does like being the big brother, and being helpful with Asher. He gets annoyed when Asher sits too close to him on the couch because it means Asher is gong to put his head on whatever Axel has on his lap. LOL I think Axel really does understand where Asher came from, and how he got here, and why. He has been very loving to Asher and concerned for him the few times Asher has cried, etc. As we've sought to find our routine here, so has Axel slowly been figuring out that his place in our family has not changed.

As far as school goes, Axel is learning to read, he knows the months of the year and the days of the week. he knows the months of his classmates birthdays, and that he is 11 years old. When we got him his vocabulary was below 12 months, and he's now at a 4-6 year level. Thats as much as a 6 year gain in just 12 months. Incredible! He's very much at a kindergarten level of knowledge where school is concerned, and every single day he makes gains. It's been very fun to watch!!!

An Answer to Prayer

2011-12-29T09:56:00.001-06:00

Many of you reading here are also readers on our adoption blog, and know that for almost two years we've been praying for a little girl we call "Ianna". (hint, there's a picture on that link.)

I met Axel on the same trip I met Ianna. It is because of Ianna that Dean's heart was opened to adoption. It is because we adopted Axel that we knew "we can do this" and Asher joined our family.

We have one open bed left in our house. We have approval to adopt one more child. That spot has been reserved for Ianna, who sits in a horrible mental institution in Serbia. When you watch the video of Serbian institutions That is where Ianna spent her first 7 years, and last year the place she was transferred to is much the same! Can you imagine, she was moved from one horrible place into a fairly good facility, only to be moved BACK to a place just like the first? Can you imagine the horror going through her little mind?

I'm sure you can understand it is for this reason we begged and pleaded to God to get her out of there. Get her to our home, or to any home. Just get her out.

Yesterday we received an answer to our prayers! We were informed by the Serbian ministry that she has been moved to a foster home!!!! PRAISE GOD!!!!!

You see, international adoption should be a last resort, when there are no other options available. Most of the time in Serbia children in foster care stay in the same foster family for many years. We hope the same is true for Ianna. It could still happen that someday she'll be made available for adoption but it appears now that at nearly 12 years old she'll stay where she is until she ages out.

Thank you God, for hearing our plea for Ianna and getting her safely into a family. Thank you God, for using Ianna to bring two new children into our home.

Will we adopt again? Only God knows!

Oh the face

2011-12-27T08:20:00.000-06:00

This post is not about the face of adoption, but MY face.

Many years ago....15 to be exact... I had what the dentist thought was an abscessed tooth. When he went to do the root canal he didn't use novocaine because according to the X-rays that tooth was dead. Umm...no it wasn't. I had a root canal with NO anesthetic.

I didn't go back to a dentist again for a very long time. That was this past September to get estimates on new crowns for my four front teeth. I had two crowns which were 25 years old and totally WRONG, and two other teeth that needed crowns, which came to just under $6,000.

Well, my good friend Zoran in Serbia is a cosmetic dentist, and he did the same work for $1300! My new crowns are beautiful, and I love smiling now.

Then a week and a half ago my mouth started hurting. Bad. Really really bad. The tooth that hurt worst was the one live tooth that had just gotten a new crown, so I was really worried something had happened to it. On Friday last week I went into the dentist. It was not what I expected to hear. The dentist cannot touch me because there is "some kind of mass or old access" that is in the maxillary sinus just above my teeth, which is pushing my teeth down/out. It could be the 25 year old root canals that have failed, or it could be something else. Whatever it is, it was clearly aggravated by the work I'd just had done. She wanted me to go see an endodontist or maxillofacial surgeon. But that was on Friday of a holiday weekend. She sent me home with antibiotics and pain killers to get me through the weekend.

I didn't do so well over the weekend.

Yesterday I started calling around and cannot find an endodontist who takes my insurance. At one point I was in so much pain I couldn't talk without crying so put Dean on the phone to talk for me. Last night I started doubling the vicadin.

I have another appointment with the dentist in about 45 minutes. I am in excruciating pain and this morning woke up with one side of my face and lips hugely swollen. I'm about ready to just say &^%$ it and go to the ER. And, I still can't find anyone besides the dentist who takes my insurance.

I probably will not be writing for a couple of days since I will be demanding pain drugs that knock me OUT!

Angela Update

2011-12-26T08:05:00.000-06:00

I think it's about time I do an update post for each of the kids. Don't you? Lets go oldest to youngest!

First, here are Homecoming pictures that I never got around to posting! Let me just say, Homecoming is an eye opener and Angela will probably never go to another Homecoming dance again! For those in our area who's kids go, you might want to make an appearance yourself. I promise you will be enlightened! Anyway, it was tough to find Angela a dress that was not only stylish, but fit her without looking like a little girl's dress. At just 4 ft 8 1/2 inches, Angela is the size of a 4th or 5th grader. Shopping in the petite section was not the answer either since those clothes are are too "mature" for her to wear. I need to find a good petite junior store! In any case, Angela had a blast at homecoming (and during the homecoming game managed to get herself down on the field which is something else I never blogged about!)

Angela is adjusting very well to her new little brother. In fact, she adjusted very well to Axel too, but I would say she's adjusting even better to Asher. Probably because when Axel came, Angela went from being an "only" in the house to having to share our attention. Asher just kind of slid right in! LOL

Angela is developmentally very much around 9-ish. Do you know what girls that age like to do? They like to mother everyone! Angela LOVES that Asher often comes to her to be picked up. (though she can barely manage this.) and he likes to snuggle with her on the couch. He also likes to play with her hair which she isn't as fond of. ;-)

In school Angela is doing great. You may remember some of my posts (like this one ) where I talked about the problems going on with staff at Angela's school. We had another meeting right before I left for Serbia to add some additional mainstream classes to her schedule for second trimester. She's now in 3 mainstream classes, plus lunch, then adaptive P.E. So she only has 2 hours out of her day that are spent in the special ed. classroom. However, at that meeting there was still a problem with her case manager and I said again, I wanted to see changes in that area. Then...I think it was the day before I left...I got an email from the case manager that just frustrated me to no end. I contracted the administrators involved and informed then that when I returned from Serbia, if that case manager was still in place, I would be removing Angela from school and homeschooling her. I wasn't doing this as a threat, just a statement so that when I got home and did this nobody would be surprised. I knew that admin. was doing all they could with the situation. They really were trying hard. The problem was this was a tenured teacher and there are laws. Unfortunately (and this is NOT the fault of the district, but the system in general!) sometimes tenured teachers have too many rights.

There were a couple more emails exchanged at the beginning of my Serbia trip that just made me shake my head. Fortunately admin. was cc'd on each of them so they were able to see the for themselves what was going on. Finally, one week before I came home, I received an email that stated "Effective immediately (case manager) has accepted another position." In other words, effective immediately that person would no longer be Angela's teacher!!! Oh how I did the snoopy happy dance when I got that email!!! I was practically giddy! Not only was Angela going to get a new, highly qualified teacher, but I wasn't going to have to homeschool her! (while I'm perfectly capable of homeschooling Angela, she would NOT like being out of school and away from her friends!)

In the meantime, the other DCD teacher was there (she's awesome!) along with a long-term sub who was also great. Then the week we came home it was announced a new teacher had been hired to fill the position and she will be starting after Christmas break.

So, Angela is loving school right now. Well really she's loved it all year and was oblivious to the things that were not happening for her. She has no idea the education she wasn't getting. Now all the modifications and adaptations that were in the IEP are in place and she's thriving in all her classes. She just had her second choir concert last week and it was so fun to see her up there with all her mainstream peers, not to mention hilarious! Angela is hard of hearing, and she cannot carry a tune! Her choir instructor is very patient with her, but she does NOT stand near any microphones during the concert. LOL Also, because she's 1/2 the height of everyone else, she stands at the very top bleacher, one row higher than everyone else. This puts her head height even with the other girls so she can see the director. (not that she watches him at all. She tends to sing with all her might, and with her eyes closed. LOL)

Angela is also taking a mainstream cooking class again this trimester, which she really enjoys. She is so proud of the things she makes and brings home to share. Her teacher gives her all tests and quizzes orally and Angela is doing very well with them.

This trimester we added a "Wellness" class. It's a mainstream elective that focuses on making healthy choices in all areas of life. Things like choosing a college, stress management, strategies for studying, etc. It's a pretty difficult class, (her work is modified to her ability level) but Angela seems to like it.

For fun Angela is on the adaptive floor hockey league (this is a high school league sport). They normally practice four days a week after school but Angela has speech and OT two days a week so her practices are a bit limited. Her first game is coming up soon and we always have a lot of fun watching.

Angela decided she didn't want to swim for Special Olympics this year. She's always had to choose between swimming and basketball. Well basketball starts up after the new year and both Angela and Axel will be playing this year so that will be fun!

Next up: Axel

Santa's Coming!

2011-12-24T18:48:00.000-06:00

At 4:00 pm Angela stood up from the couch, stretched dramatically - complete with a yawn while patting her mouth - and announced, "Wow. I'm so tired. I think it's time for my pajamas."

I assured her it was a little early to head to bed, and that Santa would not be here for many hours yet!

Pictures: Don't Judge a Book By It's Cover

2011-12-23T18:04:00.000-06:00

Disclaimer: this could be a long post.

When we were in the process of Asher's adoption and getting information on him, we were slightly frustrated about not having seen a picture of him, but only slightly. I think some of my blog readers might have been more frustrated than we were. ; -) This was, according to the Serbian ministry, the first adoption to a US family that was a 100% blind referral. We weren't getting information about Asher from any source other than government officials, I hadn't met him during previous visits, and we had no pictures. There are certain things we know we can't deal with and some things we have dealt with and know we don't have it in us to do again. Our criteria was any child, boy or girl, between the ages of 6-11 with any special needs, but we cannot take a child with known aggression issues. That's a pretty broad criteria. One thing we knew...we did NOT want a child younger than 6 because, given the delays that go along with an institutionalized child with Down syndrome, we didn't feel able to parent a toddler again at this point in our lives. (Can you hear God laughing?)

Here is the exact information we received from the Serbian ministry about Asher:

Boy L, age of 7, born in October 2004, with Down syndrome; first marriage child; protected within institution; have stable developmental progress, apart from speech development which is regressing; able to walk without grownups support on flat surface; with grownups support able to walk up and down the stairs; able to sit on the chair while feeding; passive while eating; does not make difference between sweet and salty food; he does not chew; unable to hold a cup himself; feed with the spoon by grownups; mostly repeating activities he is engaged in.

Although we knew that we could turn down Asher's referral upon meeting him, or any time during the visitation process, really, Dean and I decided that we would take the child God had matched us with, and be accepting of his needs no matter what they were. This was a huge leap of faith for both of us, on many different levels.

Let me tell you what I know now....

I know in those first weeks after meeting Asher how difficult it was to get a decent picture of him. For every one picture that was decent enough to post, I took 30 that were not. Most of the people I know who have adopted children internationally in the past couple of years did so based on a photo posted at Reece's Rainbow or other photo listing site. There is something that happens to many people who have made their decision based on a photo.

We didn't have a picture making it a bit more difficult to create an imaginary child. We had a loose description of some of his skills, much of which we later learned was either inaccurate or outdated. What we KNEW is that we had no idea the child we were getting until I GOT there and saw him in person. It was a lot like being pregnant with a prenatal diagnosis. We knew he had Down syndrome and that's about it!

I am SO GLAD we never had that picture. I'm being completely honest here...I know that if we had seen a picture of Asher prior to adopting him, we would likely have turned him down. At two weeks home we can't imagine Asher not being here. No, our adjustment has not been "easy", but it also hasn't been anything we weren't ready for. Yes, there have been surprises. Like the fact Dean and I did not want to adopt a toddler because we feel we had it in us to parent a toddler again. Hey, going back to age SIX seemed very young to us! And now we are doing just that: parenting a child who, although he is 7, he is a toddler in every sense of the word. He is a brand new walker, he is exploring the world like a toddler would, he is eating babyhood and on a bottle. And yes we can hear God laughing at the parameters we set, knowing we absolutely WERE able to parent a toddler again, we just had to be pushed into it.

And now, I'll leave you with two videos. The first of Asher taken on day 2 of visits to the orphanage.

And this video, taken last week, of Axel teaching Asher how to play with a toy. Sorry it's so dark!

12 Days

2011-12-21T09:43:00.000-06:00

I took Angela until she was 11 to be able to open the dog kennels, and then only 3 of them. (the fourth requires significantly more hand strength than she can muster.) When we ask her to let the dogs out it is with a groan befitting most teenagers I know.

It took Axel about 6 months to figure out how to open the kennels, and he can open the difficult one too.

With the exception of the difficult one, it took Asher 12 days to figure out how to open the kennels.

We're in trouble.

Comparison

2011-12-21T06:07:00.000-06:00

Here's a picture of Asher the day I met him one month ago. It was very difficult to get him to look at me, and eye contact was accidental. Circles under his eyes, skinny face (his temples were sunken in) and no affect. Then one of the pictures I took the other day after two weeks in my care. Wow....what a difference.

Developmental Milestone

2011-12-20T17:46:00.002-06:00

Asher reached a developmental milestone today...at least in the world of newly-adopted, post-institutional care children. Today he not only initiated play with a toy, but he played with it appropriately for several minutes!

Loving Sisters

2011-12-20T07:12:00.000-06:00

Notice anything?

2011-12-19T13:42:00.001-06:00

Asher Signing (video)

2011-12-18T23:48:00.001-06:00

Asher has been in my custody for two weeks now, and here in the U.S. for just over a week. One of my firsts tasks was to give him the ability to communicate.

14 days with me and he can now sign:

more
please
milk
all done
garbage
potty
eat
bye bye

I usually start with the sign for "more". Asher was pretty funny because while we were still in Serbia, this crazy talking woman (meaning I was speaking English so he had NO CLUE what I was saying!) tried to do hand motions with him and he would squeeze his eyes shut tight and turn away. LOL

Then, the middle of last week things "clicked" with him. Now that he's learned these movements have purpose he will imitate nearly everything I show him. This video was taken the day he learned to sign "more". As you can see, he'd already added "milk" to his list! He still needed a little prompting at this point, but by the next day he was initiating on his own. (See that stack of mail behind him? Yep, still have to go through all that stuff! Oh, and this video of him eating reminds me he's gained FIVE POUNDS in two weeks!

Monkey See, Monkey Do!

2011-12-18T17:25:00.002-06:00

Light Switches

2011-12-18T10:16:00.000-06:00

Just trying to get caught up on some of the pictures and videos I took while in Serbia. Here's a really short one of Asher discovering light switches.

When you're in a tight spot

2011-12-17T16:22:00.000-06:00

When you're in Belgrade, or other parts of Europe where parking spots are very tight, don't park illegally! Your car can disappear in the blink of an eye.

We were driving around looking for a parking spot when we came around a corner to see the strangest thing I've ever seen. We were behind a flatbed truck that suddenly stopped. A guy jumped out of the passenger side and ran over to a car that was parked on the side of the street. Suddenly a small hoist thingy lifted off the truck and swung over, coming to a stop above the car. Four "tentacles" came snaking down and the guy who had come out of the truck quickly hooked them underneath the car. The car was then lifted right out of it's very tight parking spot, swung over and set on the flatbed, and driven away. The whole process took less than one minute! Here's a picture of a similar truck that was taken in Sofia, Bulgaria.

To all our family and friends

2011-12-03T05:04:00.001-06:00

Dear friends and family. I have a new favorite blog to read, her name is Jen Hatmaker and she is way smarter than me. She has also adopted a bunch more times than us and knows how to put into words all the things I want to say but can't. If you read NOTHING else online today, please go read this ONE post. Just one, I promise. (but please don't hesitate to click on her link for her"After the Airport" post.) Pretty pretty please, I'm begging you to read it. B.E.G.G.I.N.G. Especially the cooking part. With what we have ahead of us when we get home, (that has nothing to do with Asher!) we're going to really appreciate the cooking part.

Tyler

2011-12-03T02:27:00.001-06:00

Tyler and Noah,

July 4th 2011

23 years ago today, I welcomed my second son into the world. Tyler was NOT an easy baby by any stretch of the word. In fact, it could have been said that because of Tyler that I waited 7 years to have another baby! Tyler came out screaming and he screamed until he was 4. Tyler was a chubby, olive skinned toddler. With his Bohemian blood just a few minutes outside and he'd get so dark! I remember my mom jokingly asking once if I was putting tanning accelerator on him. LOL

Tyler was also my daredevil. He would try pretty much any stunt his brothers put him up to. He still tells me stories of things I didn't know about, and I have to remind him, "Some things are better for the Mom to not know!"

Here we are years later. Tyler has proven himself to be an intelligent young man, still trying to find his way in this big world. We're thankful that we get to see quite a bit of Tyler, and when he's not around Axel is always asking for him.

I was chatting with Tyler on Skype a few days ago; me in Serbia, him in Minnesota, and I told him I was sorry I would be gone a second year in a row on his birthday, instead completing another adoption. "That's ok Mom. My friends think it's cool that instead of meaningless gifts for my birthday, I get brothers!"

We sure love you Tyler!

Pt 2: On This Day One Year Ago

2011-12-02T16:36:00.000-06:00

One year ago today I was having my second visit with Axel. We were having fun, just enjoying each other's com pay, all the other adults speaking Serbian so I was oblivious as to what was being said. Go have a read on my adoption blog post from that day.

Neck Update

2011-12-01T05:05:00.001-06:00

As you know, before I left for Serbia Axel's neck had been bothering him. We waited for the orders from his surgeon for a CT scan but they never arrived. Then he seemed to be doing a little better so we decided to do a "wait and see" approach and I would deal with it as soon as I got home.

Well, Axel's been having some problems with school, and he's also started rubbing the back of his neck again. We have no idea if the behavioral problems are related to pain or my being gone or what, but we're going to give him the benefit of the doubt. Axel needs to have a sedated CT scan so yesterday Dean took him in for a pre-op exam and tomorrow (Friday) they'll head down to St Paul Children's for the test. A ct scan only takes a few minutes, and most kids his age would be able to lay there still for those minutes. But Axel is very claustrophobic, not to mention scared to death of doctors. Rather than try it without sedation only to have Dean end up taking yet another day off work to reschedule a sedated test, we're just going straight for that IV and a nice little nap!

Dean is really nervous about taking Axel for this test. While it's very routine for me to run kids through these things, getting to IV's, knowing my way around the buildings and all of those things, it's very new for Dean. The few times he's been along for something he just followed me. Dean is a great dad and I know he'll do just fine.

Once the test is done Dean will be taking the CD straight to the post office to have it sent to Axel's surgeon in Philadelphia to have a look at. Sometime next week we should know what's going on in there.

Pt 1: On This Day One Year Ago

2011-12-01T04:52:00.002-06:00

One year ago today I walked into a conference room full of people. Some of who I'd met before, others were new to me. This was like no other meeting I'd ever attended. First of all, I had to fly to the other side of the world, from Minneapolis to Belgrade, Serbia in order to attend. Secondly, this meeting was to learn all the important details of a child named Djordje S., age 10. I'd met Djordje a few months before during a previous trip and Dean and I decided he would fit into our family.

After going over Djordje's records, the group of us piled into cars and headed south to the town of Kragujevac, Serbia. It's about a 90 minute drive and I was SO nervous!

When we got there, I was quickly reaquinted with the humble little home owned by the foster family. We came around the corner of the little front porch and there stood Djordje, the tiniest 10 1/2 year old I'd ever seen. He was excited to have people coming to visit, and he led us all into the house. I couldn't talk. If I'd opened my mouth I would have started bawling and I didn't want to scare him.

He sat down to the table where he was just finishing his lunch. See the phone in his hand? He'd had it for two years. It had a string on it to go around his neck and it went everywhere with him. It made it to the US still on his neck and we haven't seen it since the moment he walked in our front door. :-(

To Be Continued....

My View from Serbia

2011-11-29T04:31:00.000-06:00

Almost every day I get to say good morning to the kids as they get ready for school. What would we do without things like Skype or FaceTime!!! Here was my view from Serbia yesterday.

Angela ready to catch the bus.

Axel still in his jambes because Papa is trying to mess up the routine before I get back.

Then, when it's almost bedtime for me, it's time for the kids to come home! I usually get a shot of Axel, but Angela is usually off and running. LOL

Repost Pt11: The Marathon

2011-11-27T00:00:00.000-06:00

Just the thought of this day makes me feel cold.

We started the morning in our tiny hotel room in Grand Marais. It was cool, foggy and damp when we were getting ready to leave. Chaps were definitely in order! If you're not a rider, chaps are WORK do get on! Not only that, but when I started wearing chaps I also discovered that, like a lot of people, my dominant leg (right) which makes my chaps tighter on that leg, which feels funny and bothers me.

We loaded up the bikes and headed into town for breakfast at a nice little cafe, and asked the local fisherman what then knew of the day's weather report. No better people to ask than fisherman!

We were headed to Marathon, Ontario, Canada. We only had a 245 mile ride ahead of us, but we knew it just might possibly get chilly. What we didn't know is it would be the longest 245 miles we'd ever ridden! We stopped at a store in town so Bev could buy some better (read warmer) gloves and some neck thingies, mailed all the post cards that needed mailing, and donned the riding gear we thought most appropriate for the day ahead. We waved goodbye to Sven and Ole's, and hit the road.

We passed through Grand Portage and visited the Witch Tree, and arrived at the border. That's where we learned that "Pepper Spray" needs to be labeled as "Animal Repellant" and Canadian vending machines don't take American coins. Go figure!

It had warmed up a bit, so after taking a break at the visitor center (and an FYI for you bikers crossing the border, there is a helmet law in Canada.) we were able to shed a couple layers, and switch to lighter weight loves. However, over the course of the morning it became apparent that Ontario is a lot like Minnesota, in that the weather can change very quickly. Well some of it has to do with the lake effect. Remember, we're on the shores of Lake Superior.

We stopped for lunch in a tiny little town who's name escapes me, and had lunch at a little diner where the waitress/cook/cashier looked to be about 14 years old, AND you paid extra for each item you ordered. Example: I ordered a burger w/fries. The fries were extra. The mayo was extra. The lettuce and tomato were extra. Tink asked if I had to pay for the plate and the ketchup too.

Shortly after leaving that town we hit the first road construction we'd seen. They were ripping up the pavement so the road had those really nasty grooves in it. In a car, they're not a big deal. On a bike, it makes you wobble all over and feel like you're going to either be pulled into the oncoming traffic on your left, or over the cliff on your right. The way to ride this stuff is to just let the bike go which way it needs to go and not fight it. It's a constant mind game between you, the road, and the bike...10 miles of the mind game. I can ride on gravel and it doesn't bother me. I can ride in the rain, and I'm only slightly annoyed, but give me these grooves and I'm white knuckling it! Unfortunately we hit this several times during the day for a total of about 75 miles of grooves.

During the day it was drizzling off/on, but never enough to actually need our rain gear, just enough to be a nuisance. And as we climbed higher into the mountains the temperature was dropping.

There's also this funny thing about the metric system there. Speed limits are all listed metrically. Now, I have metric numbers on my speedometer, but Tink, who was always very careful to have us following the speed limits, DID NOT! When it says 70 kmh, that's like doing 45 mph...only Tink was doing more like 60 mph and we were following her. LOL

Finally, with 50 miles left to go, Tink stopped to change to warmer gloves yet again. I asked her, "Do you know how fast you were going through those towns, and do you know what the speed limits were?" She'd had no idea she was doing somtimes 25 mph over the limit! I can't believe we never got pulled over. Anyway, Tink changed gloves. I decided, "Ach! Another 50 miles, I'm fine in what I have on."

10 miles down the road the temperature started dropping dramatically, and it started drizzling. And then the fog rolled in. We kept seeing signs like, "Marathon 60 km". I could look down at my speedometer and figure out how many miles that was, giving me an idea how much torture time we'd had left.

The drizzle got heaver, and turned to 'almost rain", and at one point I swear it was snowing. "Marathon 30 km". OMG...I wished I'd put my warmer gloves on back there!

The highway happened to be a great ride, nice long turns around the mountain's rock walls, and if I wasn't getting so flipping cold I would've been able to really enjoy them!

"Marathon 25 km". Here comes the fog, and more moose crossing signs. I'm starting to have visions of us meeting one of these guys as we come around every corner.

"Marathon 10 km". Oh thank God we we're getting closer! I can't really feel my fingers anymore, and my toes are starting to hurt. I feel dry though. Yes...I do feel dry. My ass is killing me, and I'm shivering, but I am dry. We see a sign that says, "Welcome to Marathon."

"Marathon 5 km". Good grief, will they stop teasing me with those signs? Thank God I brought my full-face helmet. I'd have had to stop 20 times by now to warm up my ears. The air temperature is probably about 40 degrees, which makes it about 30 degrees in the wind on the bike. My teeth are starting to chatter. I swear there was a "Welcome to Marathon" sign back there. Where the HELL is the flipping town already????

FINALLY Tink turns on her right turn signal, and I see we're pulling into a hotel parking lot. I want to kiss the ground, but I have to stop my bike first now, don't I? Tink, in the lead, pulls into a parking spot. As I pull into the lot, I realize I can't feel my brake lever as my fingers are too numb. I downshift to slow down, and my feet hit the pavement, dragging...all the way to through the lot. As I pull into my spot, I'm sort of 1/2 laying over the tank, and I see Tink is laying BACKWARDS over her bags. I see there is a curb ahead of me, and my bike bump against it to stop.

By this point in my delirium I'm laughing hysterically. Tink is flopped own way, and I am flopped another. I look at her and said, "Who's *#@$ idea was this trip, anyway?" She can hardly speak as she says, "Don't you have BRAKES? All I hear coming behind me is cccccrrrrrrrrrrr" and I'm thinking I'm loosing parts or something. (I know this isn't funny reading, guess it was one of those "had to be there" moments."

I had parked in a way that Bev, who was behind me, can pull into the same spot, but instead she parks in the NEXT spot over. Four bikes taking up four parking places is a bit silly. We should be able to get all four bikes into 2 spots. (remember one is a trike) Bev takes one look at me and says, "Are you kidding me? Park next to you??? Who can't even STOP? I don't want you tipping over on my trike!"

Here's where we parked the four bikes (w'e already unloaded them by this time.) If you look really close, you'll notice Scharlett's bike on the far right has a flat tire, but that's another post. ;-)

It's open!

2011-11-26T03:18:00.000-06:00

My adoption blog has now been reopened. Hope you enjoy reading over there!

Repost Pt10: Name that household item

2011-11-26T00:00:00.000-06:00

Have you ever seen the show, "Who's Line is it Anyway"? They have a segment where they bring out strange items and the comedians have to come up with ways to use them.

Well, here is our version of that show. We were in the little motel in Grand Marais (if you're in a corner room you're good to go, if you're not...well...SQUEEZE!) and it just might be possible we'd had a little bit to drink.

Tink came out of the bathroom carrying this thing. Give something like this to a bunch of drunk women, and all kinds of things happen! We ASSUME it's some kind of toilet plunger, but you know what they say about the word "ASSUME"!

Repost Pt9: Sandy/Crystal

2011-11-25T00:00:00.000-06:00

Here we are, in Grand Marais, resting as we watch the traffic go by on the highway. 3o seconds after taking this picture I was snoring in my chair. Getting this picture was a major undertaking, as it involved teaching Tink how to use the timer on her camera. What you can't see is the camera is sitting on the cover of the sewer drain. (click on the picture to make it bigger.)

Then we headed for dinner at Sven and Ole's Pizza.

For some reason, whenever the four of us walked into an establishment we attracted a lot of attention. It could have been the fact that four biker chicks just walked in, in full biker gear (including helmet hair.) and these small towns had never seen anything like that before. Or, it could have been that we tended to be loud and giggly and nearly hyperventilating with laughter. We'd like to think it was our great humor, but more than likely it was because we were annoying people. At Sven and Ole's one man came to sit right next to us even though there were 20 empty tables, just so he could watch the show.

It was here that we met Sandy/Crystal. No...really, she told us, "My name is Sandy, unless I'm in Arizona, then it's Crystal." Yeah, our eyebrows went up on that one! Sandy/Crystal is in her mid 60's..maybe 70. Like people often would, Sandy/Crystal came over to our table to say hello. I sooo wish I had a video, because this was the "Fargo" movie at it's finest! Sandy could be a call in to a radio show and get paid because she speaks true Minnesotan!

Anyway, Sandy/Crystal told us about a group of 4 wheel'in women in town who have quite a reputation, and "Oh how much fun they have together. I wish I could join them donchya know." We encouraged her to step out of her comfort zone, just like we had to come on this trip, and join their group. That we were sure she'd be welcomed with open arms. Honestly, Sandy/Crystal appears to be a very active lady, so I'm sure she'd be able to keep up. We told her about our tattoos, and she promptly showed us ALL OF HERS! One of us took a picture of Sandy/Crystal, that I'm trying to track down. You'll just die when you see her. I swear, her white permed hair had a blue hint to it!

Happy Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T06:50:00.000-06:00

Our family has much to be thankful for this year. Angela is growing into a lovely young lady full of talk of boys and her social life. It's Axel's first Thanksgiving with our family, and Asher will be joining us in tim for Christmas. God has certainly brought us on a whirlwind kind of trip this year, guiding us through changes we would have never dreamed about even three years ago. We are thankful for every single one of them!

Repost Pt8: Moose!

2011-11-24T00:00:00.000-06:00

Ok, here in the Midwest we have lots of "Deer Crossing" signs. Just a yellow sign with a picture of dear taking a lovely leap, presumably over a road.

In Canada they have "MOOSE CROSSING" signs, only they have them like every 1/2 mile! Not only do they have these signs all over, but they're not just pictures of a lazy moose moving across the road. No, instead they have a picture of a RAMPAGING moose, who you just know, when you come around the next foggy bend in the road, will be standing in the middle of it just waiting for you to crash your motorcycle into it!

Repost Pt7: 12 year olds in a hotel

2011-11-23T00:00:00.000-06:00

Well, you would have THOUGHT there were 12 year olds in the hotel, but I'm going to say it's all Tink's fault. If she hadn't told us that Scharlett snores like a mouse, things would've been just fine!

We were at an impromptu stay at a very cool lodge in Wawa Ontario. We had originally stopped in town for coffee and donuts, but when we came out of the shop the weather had worsened. We began another event that Tink dubbed "triathalons" (more on that later). As we zipped up the last of our rain gear, and donned our warmest gloves, a guy in the drive-through lane asked in pure Canadian, "Where ya headed eh?"

I told him we were headed south to Sault Ste. Marie. "Really eh? You might just want to hang out here a bit eh. The weather is worse to the south. I just came through there."

We looked at each other, not knowing weather to laugh or cry. The laughter would be because of insanity, and the tears would be because of the weather report. One of us made the executive decision that we'd be getting a room and staying put. It was only 2:00 pm, but if things were slow going on the highway due to weather it would make us tired (and possibly crabby) and with poor reaction time should we meet up with any wildlife or other "think quick" situations. (sounds like a good reason to throw in the towel for the day, doesn't it?)

We looked around us, and a few hundred yards away saw a giant goose. Not a real one, a big statue one. It belongs to the Wawa Motor Inn. If you're even in Wawa, this is an AWESOME place to stay, and VERY reasonably priced! If there is a group of you, you can get a FANTASTIC two bedroom chalet for $175/night, that includes a full kitchen, fireplace, two bedrooms (each with two double beds and it's own sink) and a large bathroom. For us, split four ways this was a great deal. They also have a regular hotel with your typical hotel room, at reasonable rates. gAnd, across the road is a very cool Trading Post where you can spend your hard earned cash! No, really, there is some way cool stuff in there! Here's a video of the chalet we stayed in.

Oh, yeah...the 12 year olds.

We were grateful for the fact God had found a way, on our very last night together as a group, to put us all in the same room in such a nice place. We were supposed to be scattered between different rooms in a totally different town. Instead, here we were. As we sat around a crackling fire, we had a deep discussion about what we'd be bringing home from this trip. It was clear that none of us were going home the same person we had left.

Somewhere during our deep discussion, Scharlett fell asleep, which prompted Tink to tell us about Scharlett the snoring mouse. Soon Scharlett headed to bed, with Bev not far behind her. Tink and I continued our chat, unwilling to let our last night together end. After a few minutes I heard a noise. Tink squealed "That's Scharlett! That's her SNORING!" We giggled at each cute little snore. But, being the 12 year old adults that we are, we couldn't leave it at just that. No, we had to drag out the camera. What happened is that the video turned out different than we expected. Sure, the sound of Scharlett snoring is cute, but what is funnier is US in the background. Every time you see the camera jiggle it's because we're giggling so bad we have to cross our legs to avoid leaving a puddle on the floor. It's possible this video won't be funny to you the reader, but for us....well...you get the picture.

Repost Pt6: The Witch Tree

2011-11-22T00:00:00.001-06:00

While we were in Grand Marais, we ~~ran into a stand with with a bunch~~ stumbled upon a post card with a silhouette of a twisted old tree on it. It's called The Witch Tree. (but also goes by the name "Little Spirit Cedar Tree". ) The Witch Tree, located in Grand Portage, MN is sacred among the Chippewa tribe. The earliest documentation of the tree dates back to the year 1731. It is a small, gnarled and twisted tree growing out of a rock, sitting alone on a small cliff above the water's edge. Tribal members would visit the tree to have their fishing and hunting expeditions on the lake blessed with safety. They would offer tobacco to the four winds.

Nobody knows for sure what type of tree this is, or exactly how old it is, as they don't want to damage it by taking bore samples. Several years ago the land around the tree was purchased for the tribe, and walking within 20 feet of the tree was prohibited.

And so we continued on our way up to Grand Portage. Scharlett felt that, given our previous day that included falling down and a couple other minor events, AND that we were in the Chippewa nation, AND the entire area just feels very...ummm...spiritual....it wouldn't be a bad idea to have the rest of our trip blessed by the tree. When we got to the old fort, Scharlett and Bev went into the visitor center to find out how to get to the Witch Tree.

While she was doing that, Tink and I went look'in around. (we're not much for standing around asking questions. We're more the "Lets go find it!" type. LOL) As we'd been riding up to the fort, you could see this WEIRD fog moving in off the lake. Well, it probably isn't weird to those that live there, but to me, it was almost eerie. I tried to get a video of it, but it just doesn't capture how it felt OR how the fog was moving. I went and stood on this v-e-r-y long dock and shot video.

At the very end of the video, what you don't see when I come back around to the shoreline is that Tink is there and scared the crap out of me. LOL

Then we went inside the old fort and saw...well...old fort stuff. It was very interesting, and the people were dressed in period clothes and "living the part".

Some of the tents, just outside the fort. I didn't get to ask who stayed in them, but I think mostly traders and stuff.

There is an Indian woman sitting inside this lean to, cooking fish on the fire.

She didn't actually HAVE a baby with her, but here's a papoose thingy that a baby would be carried in. The Chippewa have a specific name, but I don't remember what she said it was.

The guy on the right is getting ready to leave in his birch bark canoe. He's a trader, and has just brought in all of his furs to trade for staples and more pine tar which is used to waterproof the canoes. (the woman on the left is a tourist.)

I stuck my head inside a teepee, but it was so bright outside, and so dark inside that I couldn't see a thing. So, I stuck my camera in and this is the picture it snapped. There is a sleeping mat in back, a red blanket to the left of it, and some firewood to the right.

I wanted to ask more questions, but Tink was thinking we needed to get back to Scharlett.

When we were coming to the end of the trail, there was Scharlett, flagging us down. She was so excited, and in SUCH a hurry! Here's what she told us:

I went inside and asked the woman behind the counter how to get to the Witch Tree. She said, "Nobody goes to the Witch Tree. It's a sacred place, and only those who've been approved by the Tribal Council are allowed to go there. " I explained to her WHY we wanted to go there, but I understood why we couldn't. I'm sure my disappointment showed, so she said, "We do have pictures of it over there, if that helps." I told her thanks, thinking the picture just wasn't the same thing. Oh well... And then a young woman came to the desk and asked, "You wanted to see the Witch Tree?" I told her yes, and why. She said, "I'll be right back" and disappeared. She came back a few minutes later and said, "I'll take you there. We'll have to go by car so you'll need to follow me." It seems her mother's land adjoins the tree, and after hearing WHY we wanted to visit the tree, she made a phone call and got our visit approved.

And so we made a run for our bikes so we could follow Terri to the tree. The ride out there was SURREAL! It's a couple mile drive, and as we neared the area where the tree stands (only we didn't know how close we were) this fog swept over us. Almost sucking us in. The moisture from it made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. It was almost as if the Indian Spirits were guiding us in...welcoming us...that's the only way I know how to explain it. We drove down what felt like a deserted road, with the lake to our right and dense woods to our left, then pulled into what looked like an small gravel rest area that hadn't been used in years. We dismounted our bikes, and headed down the trail.

we stopped to read this sign:

Then continued on...

Terri had brought along tobacco (I was really tempted to ask what KIND of tobacco it was, but figured that would be kinda rude. LOL) As Tink was blowing her tobacco to the four winds, she became very emotional. As a little girl she and her dad would sail along the north shore, and would stop here so her dad could visit the tree while she played on the shoreline. As a child she never understood the significance of the tree. But now, as a grown woman, making her own journey, the image of her dad leaning on the tree (because you could do that 40 years ago) was a very moving experience for her.

Here's the picture I got of the Witch Tree, which doesn't do it justice at all.

Here is Terri, our guide. What a lovely young lady she is.

And Terri took this, which is one of only a couple pictures of all four of us together. Notice the Witch Tree is right in the middle of us! (and don't we look lovely with all our gear and helmet hair! LOL)

When we'd walked back to our bikes, and said goodbye to Terri, we all agreed this was a sidetrack well made. Next stop: Marathon, Ontario Canada!

Repost Pt5: Agates

2011-11-21T00:00:00.000-06:00

I don't know if it's still true, but for many decades Lake Superior was the best place in the country to search for agates. The beaches are all picked over now, but you can still find small ones here and there. My ex husband used to spend a lot of time on the shores of Lake Superior picking rocks, then would bring them home and put them in a rock polisher for like a month, turning them into beautiful stones.

So, Scharlett had never seen an agate before (at least not to her knowledge) so we got her on the shore and started teaching her. (Ok, Tink taught her while I orbited around on my own search.)

First, it's necessary to remove your shoes and socks for the full experience. Tink removed hers, but it was like a bazillion degrees out and I was wearing my motorcycle boots, and felt like if I took them off I'd never get them back on again. Besides, it would mean bending over...too much work.

Then Tink went searching...and searching....

And when she found what she was looking for, she drew a circle in the rocks and told Scharlett, it's right here...right in this area.

No, really Scharlett...it's right there in front of you!

While they were doing that, I was busy looking "reflective". This is me, looking "reflective".

From there we went to see the Glensheen mansion. I'll post about that later, right now it's lightning outside so I have to shut down!

Repost Pt4: Split Rock Sisters (or Falling Down)

2011-11-20T00:00:00.000-06:00

We left Duluth on Monday, July 8th, and headed north. Tink and I, who are familiar with the area, thought it was important for Scharlett (who is not) to see the Split Rock Lighthouse. If you're not familiar with the area, this is only about a 20 minute ride outside of Duluth, and is on the road that runs along the north shore of Lake Superior.

We arrive in the parking lot, but nobody seemed to know exactly where to park although there were lots of empty spaces. This is called "female confusion" when faced with a new situation AND your decision is based on the decision of the person in front of you who may or may not have trouble making a decision. I'm not sure exactly what was going on since I was in back, but I finally pulled myself into a spot and got off my bike, with Triker Bev pulling in along side me. Tink and Scharlett pulled around to the other side of the lot, which was nearly empty.

We all walked up to the door of the gift shop/office place and discovered we really didn't want to pay $8.00 to see a lighthouse, so we headed back to our bikes. I got mine started, and pulled around to where Tink and Scharlett were parked. I watched them get their gear situated before they mounted, and waited for Bev to come around. I don't know what I was looking at, but all of a sudden Scharlett yelled, "It's going over!" and....clunk....went her bike. Apparently, because of the slope, she really had to hoist it to get it upright, but...because of the slope, it went too far and over the other side. I ran over, and the three of us grunted the 900lb bike back on two wheels, and insisted the Scharlett take a moment to regain her wits.

That's when I announced, "Hey! We need a falling down pin!"

This was met with blank stares.

"Every group that goes on a big ride, or rides together regularly needs to have a falling down pin. When someone's bike falls down, they have to wear the pin AND BE NICE TO IT until the next person falls down, at which time it is then pinned on the new fallee."

*Note* "Falling down" is not the same as "going down". "Falling down happens when the bike tips over for silly reasons. For example, you get gas and you forget to put your kickstand down and try to walk away from your bike. "Going down" is a bad thing and something no rider wants to talk about because it happens when you get hit by something or you hit something while moving down the road, and usually requires an ambulance trip and sometimes helicopters.

Tink, Bev and I all agreed this was a fantastic idea. Scharlett kind of groaned but went along with it. We marched ourselves back to the gift shop and searched every shelf for just the right pin. Finally we found it, a pin with the Split Rock Lighthouse on it. Tink paid for the pin and we had a ceremony right there in the middle of the store. As a crowd gathered to watch our ceremony, much to the disgrace of Scharlett, we used our formal words to describe the purpose of the pin for the spectators. What you have to imagine though, is Tink and I laughing hysterically as we did it! LOL

With Scharlett pinned, we went back to the lot, mounted our bikes, and headed north. We were only about 30 miles down the road when I had reason to move out of my position of bringing up the rear, and pass Scharlett. Not knowing how much group riding experience Scharlett had, I thought about this for several miles before doing so. I didn't want her to panic when I went past her. Finally, with no oncoming traffic, I moved over to the other lane and went past. What I didn't count on was TINK (who was leading) seeing me in her mirror, freaking out that there was something wrong and SUDDENLY pulling over...on the road with really no shoulder. Everyone pulled up behind her (because they had time to do so) but I came to a stop just ahead of her. In my mirror I saw her get off her bike, and when I looked back...she and her bike were gone.

Because they were on the ground.

Ok, here's how it went. Tink stopped..on the road with not much of a shoulder...and when she put her feet down, there was no pavement under her right foot. Instead there was a 2 inch drop to gravel. Being the short-legged person that she is, this put her way off balance. Her bike SPIT her off, and....are you ready for it? She rolled head over heels down the embankment! She stood up and hollered, "Give me that *&#@ pin!!!!" You have to remember that she'd just rolled in all her gear and helmet down about a 5 foot drop, which makes one very top heavy, AND makes you look quite silly climbing back up!

We picked up our second bike for the day, and pinned Tink right there on the side of the road. Poor Tink! But, if you were following my twitter, you know that I could hardly text fast enough to tell about this! LOL

Later that same day we were in Grand Marais. We had done some shopping downtown and were headed back to our hotel when we came to an intersection that was uphill AND we had to make a right turn at the light. My bike has been having trouble going into first gear lately, but I didn't know I was still in second. I was at the head of the group when I went to make the turn, and killed the bike mid-turn. This is every bikers nightmare as this heavy piece of machinery suddenly STOPS mid-lean! This is where on would fall down, only I didn't. I could, however, FEEL Tink behind me WILLING me to fall down so she could get rid of that damn pin! When I turned to look, she could hardly stay upright because she was laughing too hard about the fact that yes, indeed, she'd been doing just that!

We went on to call ourselves the Split Rock Sisters, and there was much joking about "Pulling a Split Rock" and stuff like that. I spent the entire trip being so hyper-aware of everything I did getting on/off my bike! The best part though, is I never did get that pin!

Hey...

2011-11-19T18:18:00.002-06:00

If you haven't been to my adoption blog recently, you should go have a read there!

Repost pt3: How to Commemorate an Epic Event

2011-11-19T00:00:00.001-06:00

*Disclaimer* Reading this particular post with small children on your lap, or impressionable 12 year olds hanging over your shoulder would not be a good idea.

When you do something in your life that is of Epic proportions, you need to find a way to commemorate it.

Saturday July 7th I arrived in downtown Duluth, MN to meet these crazy women I was going to be spending the next week with. Only I didn't know they were crazy, but I had a hunch.

I hadn't slept well the night before, nor had I eaten anything that day because I was just too excited and nervous. I pulled into the hotel parking lot and Tink came out to greet me with a huge hug. I got to drool over her BEAUTIFUL bike (she'd glued swarovski crstyals all over it and it's stunning!) We sat down on the varanda as a group to figure out what to do next. First stop, FOOD! They'd gotten in earlier in the afternoon but had waited for me. What I didn't know is the plans they'd been trying to make!

We sit down in a sandwich shop, exchanging some small stories, trying to get the feel of who each other really is, when Tink says to me, "So...uummm...last night we were trying to figure out how we could commemorate our trip. We wanted it to be something big, but..umm...well Bev mentioned how about we all get a tatoo? I told them I doubted you'd go for it, but since I really don't know you, I have no idea."

"A tattoo? I've been wanting one for a long time! Where do I sign up."

"Well...ummm...actually....we have an appointment at 8:00 tonight (it was now about 5:00) with a guy named Jeffie. Really, you don't have to do it if you don't want to. We think we're going to all get the same thing, but we want to go look at the guy's work."

And so it was decided. Keep in mind that I'm a tatoo virgin. There isn't a drop of ink on my body, but the other girls each have one or two...or 5.

Meet Jeffie. He is an artist at Dominic's Dowtown in Duluth. Doesn't he look just like a tattoo artist? The funny thing is, his name is really JESSIE but Scharlett misunderstood on the phone. And so, as would soon become a habit for us, we renamed him.

Jeffie was very patient with us. We told him the purpose of this trip...a freeing experience, and one to bond with our fellow biker sisters. An expression of independence and a celebration of life. We wanted it simple (aka not expensive!) and we all wanted the same thing. Jeffie disappeared into his studio to draw something up. About 15 minutes later he came back with a couple different designs which we tweaked a bit, each of us adding a small item to make it our own, yet the same as the others.

First there was much discussion about WHERE we would put our new artwork
And naturally we had to sign our life away!

Then more discussion about who was going to be first. Tink volunteered, and I was allowed to go watch and take pictures, which was a lot like watching Miami Ink on T.V. except different. My pictures didn't turn out the greatest, because my camera didn't like the lighting. Also Tink was trying very hard to put on a good face for me since I was still a virgin, and it's just possible my nerves were showing a little bit.

While she was getting done, this man was in the next chair. His name is Mike, and he's having a guardian angel put on his back. I don't know his whole story, but this angel holds great meaning for him, and he has survived tragedy. His spirit was very sad, and I hope getting this tattoo is a step to healing for him. From an artistic side, the shading and detail in this tat is fantastic!
Next up was Bev. She couldn't get hers in the same spot as the rest of us, because she already has one there. Bev's daughter Pam died shortly after giving birth from an embolism several years ago. On her chest, Pam had a tat of an angel blowing stardust. Bev's tattoo is very similar, only the face resembles Pam, and inside the stardust are the letters to spell out PAM.

I was next. I was very nervous by this point, but Jeffie handled me well. ;-) First he applied the stencil.
And then the work began! OUCH! I don't know how in the world that Mike guy could stand to get his whole back done, or for that matter anyone else who I know with large tats!
Getting right up close and personal!

Scharlett was next. She made the mistake of not wearing the right shirt so she had to take it off in order to get her tattoo. Poor Scharlett.
And, the picture you've all been waiting for....the finished product! Notice the slight swelling. I am such a wimp. LOL

Some of you know I've been trying to design a tattoo about my kids for some time. After looking through the books in the shop, and talking with Jeffie I've finally gotten it figured out! I know where I'll be going to get it done.

Coming soon, "Split Rock Sisters"

Repost Pt2: Where do I start

2011-11-18T08:31:00.001-06:00

This is part 2 in a series repost. This was originally posted in 2008.
.......................................
I have no idea where to start blogging about my trip. Seriously, I have about a month's worth of blog fodder!

I have to say that while I have enjoyed many friendships over the years, and gone on some amazing trips, this one takes the cake! First of all, never in all my life have I laughed so hard, so many consecutive moments, over the course of so many days. I'm talking "hold yourself so you don't wet your pants and oh my god I can't breathe!" type of laughter! I suppose most of it was "you had to be there" kind of stuff, but I will do my best to get you there too!

And of course, there are the friendships made. There were four of us on this trip, all from different walks of life. Let me introduce them to you.

First there is Tink from New Jersey. Tink is a Type A personality with ADD, which makes for an interesting combination, let me tell ya! Anyway, this started out as really being her ride, and the rest of us were kind of tagging along. She just turned 50 and this was her "Epic Journey". Not only a celebration of her birthday, but of her life. Her sister died at 50, and Tink has been very moved by the fact that it could have been her. It was also a celebration of HER, and she made the trip because she COULD. (see my reasons for the trip and you'll know what I'm talking about.) I met up with the group in Duluth, MN which is Tink's birthplace. Much of our time there was spent visiting old memories with her, and was a lot of fun. More on that later.

There is Scarlett, only I have trouble calling her that and kept saying Charlett by mistake. Eventually I forgot her real name and she became Scharlett to me. LOL Scharlett and Tink are good friends, and together formed the NJ chapter of Sisters In Spirit. Naturally she was the first one who Tink asked to come along on the journey. Scharlett is a Type A personality but is very polite about it! No, really...it took me awhile to figure this out! I think it was the day we were sitting in our hotel room, and she had a stack of envelopes in front of her. Each envelope had the name and address of each hotel they stayed at along the way. (remember they'd been on the road for a week before I joined them!) I kind of teased her, saying, "What, are you sending thank you notes to each one?" (cuz remember, she's very polite.) She said, "No, each one has a map and and the hotel information." aaahhh...see, Type A organization! Compare this to the scrap of paper that was floating around in one of my saddle bags, where I'd scribbled my hotel info just in case I needed it.

And now meet Bev. aka Foxy. She is from a little town in central Wisconsin. Last year she purchased her dream TRIKE, and was anxious to step out of her comfort zone and make a long trip all alone. ("alone" meaning without her husband.) She has only had her trike for about a year, so I have no doubt she learned a lot of skills on this trip!

Here's a picture of the other 3 ladies, the day I met them.
Bev, Scharlett, and Tink

Repost: Epic Journey

2011-11-18T08:26:00.002-06:00

My blog has been seriously neglected this week because I'm mostly blogging over on our adoption blog. So I've decided to repost a series I did a few years ago about my Epic Journey. It was a very fun motorcycle trip. Little did I know how much it would change me, or the confidence it would give me to do more in my life. I hope you enjoy reading about it as much as I enjoyed riding it.
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One Last Post Before I go! SEE YA!

By the way, this picture was difficult to take by MYSELF!

If you didn't see it

2011-11-13T19:24:00.000-06:00

If you didn't see it on my other blog, Axel is having problems with his neck, and his surgeon thinks it's possible the hardware that was installed has come loose. He needs to have a CT scan done ASAP, but he needs anesthesia to do it. We will be trying to do it this week before he goes. His doctor called tonight to check on him. His neck is now sensitive to the touch. It LOOKS fine. There is no sign of infection or anything unusual around his scar, but he is clearly very sore. And, his neck feels hot to me. I think we'll be trying to get that CT scan done on Tuesday or Wednesday.

Cooking with Axel

2011-11-12T08:58:00.000-06:00

A few weeks ago we got Axel a play kitchen. He LOVES this thing, and at least once a day sets all the contents out on the dining room table, then sets his bears on the chairs where they have a feast. Axel usually manages to get Angela involved too, but on this particular day "Cooking with Axel" turned into "Signing Time staring Axel".

A few translations:
"Agah" = Angela
"Mom...Dean...Papa" is what Dean is called quite often. LOL

Cards for Any Moment

2011-11-11T17:43:00.001-06:00

During one of our trips to Philadelphia for an Axel check up, we ran into problems at the Philly airport. One particular employee was incredibly helpful to us, and when it was time to part ways he gave me his business card. On the back he wrote his personal email address and asked me to please contact him; he wanted to hear our story. It turned out he'd done a few mission trips related to orphan care and was touched by Axel's story. I would have loved to hand him one of these:

A couple weeks ago as I was pulling into our clinic parking lot, a woman in another car tried to pull in at the same time, but my car was kinda in her way. If course, she would have noticed this if she hadn't been texting. She ended up parking next to me. I didn't say anything, but I would have liked to leave one of these on her windshield:

I want to put one of these on the refrigerator for myself AND the kids!

And something fun to put in the kids lunchbox for school:

Created by my good friends Tammy and her mom Ann, Cards For Any Moment has made giving a quick little message really fun! They have something for every occasion. Imagine having coffee with another mommy friend who is really having a tough day. You could leave something behind in her silverware drawer for her to find later!

There are so many times in life when Cards For Any Moment would come in handy! The size of a business card and just $0.29 each, you can carry several in your wallet or purse. Don't see something you'd like to have on hand? Cards for Any Moment can create one for you. From now until November 30th they're running a promo of 10% your purchase if you enter the promo code BTS011. If you "like" them on Facebook, you receive 5 free cards with your first order. And, it just so happens from now until the end of the year, Cards For Any Moment will donate a percentage of their proceeds to help a certain little boy come home! Don't forget to visit their blog for tips and ideas!

LOOK LOOK LOOK!!!!

2011-11-10T10:55:00.000-06:00

Today another Serbian Prince has met his mommy and daddy for the very first time!!! Oh I am just beside myself with excitement!!!!! Please go give them some bloggy love!!!!

11 months

2011-11-09T10:45:00.000-06:00

In a few weeks Axel will be watching videos with people speaking Serbian in the background. They'll be videos of me with his new brother. I wonder what thoughts will go through his mind?

The things he says now crack us up. Well, let me clarify a bit: About 90% of Axel's communication is in ASL, but his list of spoken words is slowly increasing. Since the beginning of September when Axel started school in the full-immersion ASL program his ability to express himself has exploded. While he still needs reminders to use more than single signs, when he gets those reminders he's pretty quick to give you more information. He now says Mooooooom a thousand times a day (post coming. LOL) and calls Angela "Agah" while he signs it. Here are some examples of recent things he's said/signed. Words in italics are signed only, words with red italics are signed and spoken together:

While sitting at the breakfast table:

"Agah hearing aids." (reminding her to put her hearing aids on.)
"Mom! Soon bus comes."
"Mom! Signing Time t.v. please."
"Papa! Tie shoes please."
"Mom! Tyler home!"
"Mom! Need bathroom. Poop."
"Agah. Watch." (demonstrates a sign that she has done incorrectly)
"Papa! Many many green chips. No red chips. Signing Time Me! Happy! Papa Happy!"

I'm sure you noticed the length of that last statement! Axel is working very hard to have good behavior at school so he can earn his beloved Signing Time, and that was the first day it "clicked" with him. He was just a LITTLE excited!

Product Review: Bounce Dryer Bar

2011-11-09T08:40:00.001-06:00

A few weeks ago I became the lucky owner of a brand new washer/dryer set. I was SO excited to get them that the last four days before they arrived I didn’t touch any laundry. LOL

The day after my new machines came another surprise came in the mail. A Bounce Dryer Bar in Outdoor Fresh scent.

I’d never heard of the Bounce Dryer Bar before, so looked carefully at the package to figure out what to do with it. The bounce dryer bar is designed stick inside your dryer to give you fabric softener up to three months without having to do anything. No dryer sheets to remember to put in the machine or throw away. Oh me of little memory, this was right up my alley! Just "stick it and forget it!"

I'm one who always wants to know more, so I went looking for information. Did you know that dryer bar technology has been in use for years? They are used in places like hotel laundries where large volumes of laundry are done on a daily basis. I had no idea!

The only thing that concerned me was sticking this thing inside my brand new dryer. The bar is designed to show a replacement indicator after approximately three months. At that time you replace only the bar, while the holder stays in place. When the holder does finally fall off I wonder what kind of sticky residue will be stuck on my new dryer?

I love the smell of different fabric softeners! Unfortunately I have a bad memory associated with a particular smell so when I do buy softening products I can usually be found in the store sniffing the various boxes to make sure they’re pleasant for me. This bar in Outdoor Fresh scent is one I like!

Installing the bar is easy. Just peel off the paper backing and stick bar inside the dryer. Make sure you put it on the drum. (not the back wall, fins or door)

After about three months of use a replacement indicator will appear. Of course if you have a family of 10 you're doing laundry for, your bar will not last as long as mine will doing laundry for four. LOL I have been using mine for about four weeks and still have about 3/4 of the bar left. Replacement bars are easy to find in the store!

When it's time to replace your bar, simply press the tab at the end of the holder, slide the old bar out and snap the new bar in. Your new bar will come with a holder. Although you may not need to replace the holder at that time, keep in on hand it case you do.

Our clothes smell absolutely wonderful when they come out of the dryer! Axel loves to help me fold laundry (crazy kid loves chores!) and sniffs every piece of clothing he takes out of the dryer. In fact, my entire laundry room, which is like a dark dungeon in our basement, smells fresher using the Bounce Dryer Bar.

Some things to consider when using the Bounce Dryer Bar:

Not all clothing is a good match with fabric softener!
Kids clothing that is flame retardant (such as infant sleepwear) should not be treated with fabric softener as it affects the flame resistant capabilities. You must remove the Bounce Dryer Bar from the holder when drying these items.
If you have someone in your house with skin sensitivities and their laundry can't have softener, you can remove the bar from the holder when drying their clothing.
If you don't like the scent of the bar you've installed, you can change it out for another scent. If you decide you don't like the bar at all, remove it and the holder will fall of on it's own in a few months.

Overall I am really happy with this product. It is easy to use, and easy to remove if I'm drying clothes I don't want treated. The scent is pleasant without being overpowering. A great product I highly recommend!

November

2011-11-08T13:46:00.000-06:00

November is Adoption Awareness Month and this past sunday was Orphan Sunday. I think you all know how I feel about adoption. ALL orphans need homes, no matter where in the world that home may be, but for obvious reasons those with special needs have a place of honor in my heart.

I think many of you also know how I feel about the corruption surrounding international adoption. Adoptive families are paying ransom to get their children home. This morning I received an email from someone who directed me to the website of a U.S. based non-profit organization claiming to do Serbian adoptions. The woman asked how much they charge, and she was told $25,000 - $30,000. And...that she could adopt a healthy toddler there. There are ransoms for orphans, and then there are RANSOMS!

This makes me so angry. Absolutely furious, really.

Let me give you a little education about Serbian adoptions. Keep in mind that while some things are the same as they were a year ago, other things have changed. I seem to get a lot of flack from people saying things like "When I did my adoption 5 years ago" or whatever. That was YOUR adoption, and is not necessarily what happens now.

1) Serbia has somewhere around 50 children currently registered for international adoption. (they told me approximately 40 back in May and there have been children added recently, in addition to some coming home.)

2) Every single child on the list is considered to have "special needs". Anything from CP, DS, Autism Spectrum disorders, etc.

3) Serbian adoptions are FREE. The Serbian government charges NOTHING for an adoption. If you CHOOSE to use a facilitator you will pay for that service. That service should NOT be tens of thousands of dollars! It shouldn't be more than somewhere around 3000 euros and that INCLUDES your logging, in-country travel, translation fees, new documents (birth certificate for child, passport) and the visa.

4) If your facilitator is a Serbian state employee, it is against Serbian law for them to take money for adoption related services. It is considered a conflict of interest.

5) Did I mention there are no healthy children allowed to be adopted out of Serbia? There are nearly 500 Serbian families waiting to adopt healthy children. Every Serbian orphan (healthy or not) is offered to Serbian families first, and must be rejected by 3 or more families before they are able to be registered for international adoption. While you are welcome to submit a dossier for a healthy Serbian child, it does not mean such a child exists on the registry.

6) There is a PROCESS for Serbian adoptions. The first step is to contact the Serbian ministry directly, introduce yourself and explain the type of child you are looking to adopt. From there the Ministry will answer your questions after you have provided them with the appropriate information. They will not release to you information about the children on the registry until you have been given pre-approval to adopt. If you would like the contact information for the Serbian ministry please contact me privately ( my email button is at the top left sidebar) and I will give it to you. I just don't want to post it and have them upset with me because their email box is full of junk!

7) You cannot go to Serbia and request to choose a child while you are there. The private information of Serbian orphans is not given out. You are matched with a child before you travel. Yes, you will have choices based on the criteria you have provided. It could be there is only one child, or there could be 10. It just depends upon your family. For example, we requested a child in a certain age range and listed the type of special needs we feel capable of handling. We were then given a list of children who meet that criteria. Even with that, in most cases you will know more about that child before traveling than you would a child you were going to Ukraine to adopt.

The Serbian adoption process is quick and smooth. The Ministry is a pleasure to deal with and most of the time quick to respond to questions. Do keep in mind though that this particular office wears many hats and adoption services is just one of their many roles.

Nikon D3100 CAMERA GIVEAWAY!!!!

2011-11-05T18:25:00.001-05:00

If you didn't go to my adoption blog yet, then this will be news for you, but next week I'll get my travel date to bring L home. I will very likely be traveling two weeks from now! Yes, that fast! We have just two weeks to come up with the last of the money we need. $2,000. We only need to raise $2000!!!!!

Here's what we're giving a way:

Nikon D3100 Digital SLR Camera Kit

Included in this package:

14.2 Megapixel D3100 Digital SLR Camera

2 Zoom-Nikkor VR Image Stabilize Lenses

System Case

4GB SD Memory Card

Nikon School Guide to Digital SLR photography

2 Nikon School DVD's

Here's the rules: Click on the "Donate" button below to enter. Each $20 contribution gives you one entry into the cyber hat. (so $40 is two entries, etc.) Leave a comment here with a link to your blog post about the giveaway and/or tag me in a Facebook post and you will get one additional entry. You have until midnight November 15th to enter. On November 16th the winner will be chosen using Random.org.

That is just TEN DAYS to raise the last of the money we need to get L home!

Are you ready?

2011-11-02T07:25:00.002-05:00

I need to take you on a quick detour to one of my other blogs, so if you wouldn't mind hoping over there for just a minute, I think you'll enjoy the post.

Just a couple more days

2011-11-01T14:33:00.000-05:00

The push to get Little P. home is almost to an end, but my friends there are still thousands of miles to go. The Chipin closes in just couple of days and we're still $2100 from our goal.

Do you remember the post I did a couple days ago, about eyes? Well, take a look at these eyes.

These eyes belong to a boy who has no idea his world is about to change. He will see things he can't even dream about yet. He has never seen a Mama or Tata (the Serbian world for "daddy") and doesn't know they are trying to get to him. They are ready to cross an ocean for him. I cannot wait to see his eyes light up as he receives his first hug from HIS parents. As he his tucked into bed at night by HIS mama and tata, with kisses and love, in a bed to call his own, with pajamas that belong to him. Those eyes up there.....you're going to be a part of changing the world for those eyes.

Clarity

2011-10-30T22:11:00.000-05:00

Thank you everyone for praying for us. Dean and I were able to find clarity tonight, and feel confident we're moving in the right direction. There are still a few decisions to be made but they are for another day.

I don't get it

2011-10-30T11:44:00.000-05:00

Just when we think God has given us clarity, making it clear which direction we're supposed to go, along comes yet another decision. The waters are muddy again and we're confused. When are we having faith and when are we making foolish decisions. We know enough to know that what sometimes seems "foolish" to others is exactly when we're on the right path.

We have less than 24 hours to make a HUGE decision. Huge. Bigger than us huge. We're begging God to make it crystal clear to us.

The pleading eyes

2011-10-28T23:09:00.000-05:00

One....

two....

ten....

20....30......

Thirty sets of eyes. All of them staring at me from my computer screen.

All of them eyes of children I have touched, held, loved on, promised them I would do all I could.

Whispered into ears my promise: I would scream from the mountain tops for them. I would not forget them. I would not walk away and pretend they didn't exist. I would not leave the problem for someone else.

They are my problem now.

My heart.

God put them there. God gave me a gift called compassion. It is a difficult gift to carry, because it makes the heart hurt. God gave me the pain. It makes life complicated. It means that my thoughts are never with me, instead they are always on the other side of the world, in a crib, with a child who cries a silent cry.

Eyes....begging...pleading....The silent screams "Hold me. Love me. Take me. Please don't put me down. Please no...please please....please." Pleading as I turn my back on them. I walk out of the room....the empty room....empty save all the other cribs full of more children....more eyes.....many more eyes follow me out of the room.

Lists. Descriptions. Choices. None is less worthy than another.

This is bigger than me. This is for God. Only God can do it. Which eyes God?

I don't know which eyes.

It's too late now

2011-10-28T21:54:00.001-05:00

A few weeks ago I shared this video of Angela from when she was about 10 years old.

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

This was just five years ago. Angela seems so little, and really she is. ( in the video she's just a little smaller than Axel is now) But there is something else I noticed. Angela's speech is exactly the same as it was then. Nothing has changed. We've done private speech therapy off and on over the past few years, and since I'm at the therapy center twice a week with Axel now I might was well see if I can get Angela in too. I also want to try, once again. to work on her fine motor skills and her inability to write.

So last week I took Angela for a speech assessment. I really like the speech therapist, and she asked me what my goals were. My number one goal is to see if we can improve Angela's intelligibility a little so those who are unfamiliar with her can understand her. Angela does have a mix of problems; a combination of having Down syndrome and a moderate bilateral hearing loss. Some of her speech errors are common among people who have DS, and some are related to hear hearing loss, and some are a combination of the two.

The speech therapist was impressed with Angela's vocabulary. Not only does she have a lot to say, but when someone has a difficult time understanding her she will often change her word choice to a word she knows she pronounces with more clarity. She did this during the assessment. She has also been known to employ mime techniques. LOL

With the assessment completely, the therapist told me what I had feared. That by this age Angela's speech patterns are quite ingrained, and we're not likely to see much difference. Also, insurance will only cover a certain number of sessions and if, after that time, there is no progress they will discontinue coverage for the service. We will most certainly give it a shot, but I'm also a realist. Yes, I believe in miracles, but I don't always plan for them. (not necessarily they right way to look at things, but that's how I'm approaching this one.)

This was really difficult for me to hear. That the speech Angela has now is the speech Angela will always have. She is difficult to understand. I can understand nearly everything she says but still there are times when I have to say, "I'm sorry honey, I don't understand." Sometimes she's telling me something that is clearly very important to her, so I fake it, and pretend that I understand.

A tough pill for me to swallow this week. The first time I've been told that Angela has hit a limit, and that I have evidence in this video to back it up.

If you read nothing else today...

2011-10-26T08:58:00.000-05:00

If you only have time to read ONE more thing today, make it this article. It's about my and Angela's good friend Katie Brinkman. She brought a tear of pride to my eyes this morning.

CRUNCH TIME!

2011-10-26T07:43:00.001-05:00

There are only a few days left. Oh my gosh! Do you realize how close little P. is to coming home? How soon before you could be seeing his WHOLE face and not this blurred out version?

The family's dossier is on it's way to Serbia to be translated and should be submitted to the Serbian ministry sometime around the end of next week. In about four weeks his parents should be ON A PLANE and headed to the other side of the world to bring him home. FOUR WEEKS!!!!

Do you see the numbers on the chipin? They're still $2100 short. That's their plane tickets folks. Lets rally and get them there!

Trick or Treat!

2011-10-26T07:29:00.000-05:00

So this is Axel's first halloween. I'm sure he's wondering what all the creepy stuff is about on the neighbor's lawn up the hill. Last weekend we went to the pumpkin patch and found great pumpkins, and in a couple of days we'll be showing Axel the joys of pumpkin guts and seeds, not to mention the infamous carving of them. (And no Dean, you are NOT getting out of it this year! You had fun at the pumpkin patch and you WILL have fun carving a pumpkin with your son, I just know it.)

When I have a new concept to show Axel but limited resources, where else is there to turn but Youtube? Seriously, you can find ANYTHING on Youtube! Is your kid grabbing people in inappropriate places while at school? There are video examples of that so you can say to your kid, "Do you see THAT? THAT is NO!" Got a new vocabulary word, like "bat" to teach your child? Yes, there are examples of both the flying and the hitting kind. So it only stands to reason that one would also find many videos of children standing at people's doors saying, "Trick or treat!" and begging from strangers!

Yesterday Axel's speech therapist was all over teaching him some of this new vocabulary while making a Halloween bag, and my job was to come home and find the videos, which I did. At speech, since Angela was along, we had her show Axel how to trick or treat using the therapist's office door. Like a kid on their first Halloween, Axel was a quick study and it didn't take long before he was correcting Angela on her technique like a good little brother. Then he realized there were other therapists in the center to say "Trick or treat!" to, and watch with great interest as they put stuff in his bag.

When I showed him the videos he was a little confused by the fact the kids were wearing costumes. (I haven't tried to explain that one yet. Too much information at once and all...) I'm sure it will all make sense once we're out there and Angela is dragging him around from door to door. She of course is thrilled! You see, at 15 she is is far too old for trick or treating, but having a little brother gets to "help" and might possibly have a bag in her hand "just in case." And since she is so into being a patient and faking injuries, that is exactly what she's going to be, and Axel will be the doctor. Maybe I'll be the sexy nurse. Naaaaaaa I should really dress up instead.

Now if only we can get Axel to say, "Trick or treat!"

school-recap

2011-10-20T21:06:00.001-05:00

I have some new readers here, and feel the need to re-cap a bit of what is going on with Angela at school. This is old news for most of you, except for the last two paragraphs which is are an update. This is a very general description, and obviously I cannot give all the details due to privacy issues, but KNOW that if your child is in this same classroom, it would be in your child's best interest to review his or her IEP, along with the the service minutes for each area.

Transition meeting, Spring 2011: High school DCD teacher discouraged registration of certain mainstream classes, saying she "didn't know what would fit with Angela's schedule". Nevermind the regular ed. students had already registered for their classes. NO mention of the Work Experience program was ever made. Quite a lot of time was spent discussing the fact Angela has an extensive BIP (behavior intervention plan) in place and that all staff would need to be trained on it's implementation before school starts in the fall.

Freshman Orientation, Fall 2011: I had heard nothing from Special Education staff. Angela and I attended Freshman orientation and there was no support staff in place. Students break off from parents. Students get their pictures done, work on locker combinations (Angela uses a keyed lock which was not available to her.) get tours, find paws rooms, get schedules, etc. Parents take care of "shopping" and the writing of unending checks. I sent Angela with the other students and stayed with the parents. It was not appropriate for her to go through this experience without support staff in place.

First day of school: I have not heard anything from special ed. staff. No idea who is to meet Angela who rides the regular bus. The first morning is confusing as the schedule is very is very different from normal. (not that Angela knows the regular schedule yet!) Angela is "missing" for the first 1/2 hour of school and is found wandering the halls by another DCD student and brought to the classroom.

Second day of school: I find out Angela is playing Wii in DAPE. In my opinion, totally inappropriate for school. It is HOT outside, so that is out of the question, but for the first two weeks students are using the treadmill and wii in phy ed instead of the gym? Also, called school to find out why Angela is in the work experience program when I have not given approval for this. It is not on her IEP. Question of what tasks are being done by the DCD students as part of the Work Experience Program that could be viewed as "demeaning" tasks by mainstream students since they involve cleaning up after other students.

Second week of school: Have asked again why Angela is in the Work Experience program when it is NOT in her IEP. Also, Angela brings a note home from school saying, "Angela needs a keyed lock." No indication what the lock is for (phy ed locker or regular locker. ) Call school and find out this is for her regular locker. Inform DCD teacher reading the IEP would be a good idea since "keyed lock" is on her IEP and is to be provided by school, and why are we in the second week of school and she still doesn't have a lock on her locker? Angela is playing Wii in DAPE a couple times per week, as well as in the Work Experience program. Request IEP meeting.

September 26th, IEP meeting: Again ask why Angela is in this program. I want her out of it. Ask why supports and modifications listed on her IEP have not yet been implemented such has her behavioral supports listed on the BIP, alphasmart for keyboarding since she is unable to write, why it took two weeks to get her a keyed lock on her locker and I had to argue with the DCD teacher about it, why there are no supports in place for DCD freshmen attending orientation, why are there no spelling or vocabulary lists coming home...and the list goes on. WEP staff spends great deal of time and energy during the meeting explaining the WEP program and how wonderful it is. (which I have no doubt it is, but as a freshman I don't think the focus needs to be on job skills just yet, how about we get her writing her name legibly, and spelling beyond a CVC level, and take advantage of the fact she finally has an interest in reading????) DAPE and WEP teachers admit that Angela is playing Wii in both classes. Up to 3 hours per week could be spent playing Wii. (But you know "It's a wonderful social experience playing with 10 people at a time versus alone at home!") I can't help but wonder how the regular ed. parents would feel if their child was spending so much time playing video games? Also, the planner all freshman are required to buy is not being used. Nobody has seen it, although it was sent the first day of school. It's been sitting in her locker every since. Apparently the DCD staff doesn't use the planner. Sadly all the years of training our kids to use a planner was for nothing. Also, while discussing the Behavior plan DCD teacher expresses reluctance in implementing the plan since they have not seen any behavioral issues since school started. I make a comment about this more than likely being because their expectations are too low but am assured their expectations are plenty high for Angela. Later that week support staff will be trained on implementation of BIP.

Last week of September: Angela finally brings home a spelling list. Not all of the words are appropriate to her ability level. Email to ask why she still has no vocabulary works coming home like the regular ed. freshman do. Also why is the planner still not being used?

First week of October: No spelling list. No vocabulary list. Nothing in written in planner. Emails sent about all 3 issues. Email sent to admin staff again listing my concerns and requesting another meeting about ongoing issues of non-compliance with the IEP.

Second week of October: Finally planner is being used...by school staff...as a communication notebook. Send an email to staff reminding them that it is NOT a communication notebook. It is for Angela, with adult assistance, to write what she is supposed to be doing each day, not for school staff to write things such as "had a great day." No spelling lists home this week although I sent no less than 3 emails about it. Finally received a response that they are giving students independence this year. GREAT! Apparently it's more independence than she's capable of since they're not coming home!!!! Email Admin staff and request another meeting about continued non-compliance with the IEP, including the fact Angela is STILL in the Work Experience Program even though the district website states in two different places placement into this program is a "team decision" but I as the parent was not made part of this team decision although I am part of the IEP team. Also this same week, logon to student portal and see that there are unexcused absences for times Angela has not been out of school. They are on days when she came to school a little late after dr. appointments, but afternoons show absences when she should have been back in the DCD classroom.

October 17th: Morning: Bring Angela to school later after dr. appointment. Sign her into attendance office and ask about unexcused absences in the afternoon. Am told, "When a student is out in the morning, that particular teacher marks them absent in the afternoon also, regardless if they're in class or not."

Seriously? Angela misses A LOT of partial days for doctor appointments, these spotty absences showing up here and there can get the county truancy officers knocking on my door! On my way out of the building touch base with the assistant principal who happens to be working in the hallway and ask her about this. She informs me there was just a meeting held about this same issue. Interesting. I make it clear I am NOT happy with the current situation with this staff person, which she already knows.

October 17th: Afternoon: Receive a phone call from DCD teacher. She has just now, in the 7th week of school, gotten around to reading the IEP and realized the Work Experience Program, where Angela has spent a significant portion of every day for the past 7 weeks, is not on her IEP.

GASP! REALLY???? Have I not been saying that for SEVEN WEEKS and she is JUST NOW looking at this?

Make phone calls and send emails to necessary administrative staff about the now very serious issue.

UPDATED INFORMATION!!!

I have since had phone conversations and email exchanges with both building and district special education administrative staff. We will be having a conciliation meeting next week. I have been assured that this very serious issue of IEP non-compliance is being dealt with severely. However, because this DCD staff person has been in such gross non-compliance on one IEP, there is reason to believe there are issues with all IEP's she is responsible for. It is ALWAYS important, every single year, to check your child's IEP, and never assume that your child's case manager is doing what they're supposed to be doing. The vast majority absolutely have your child's best interests at heart. Unfortunately there are a few here and there who are there for a paycheck and nothing more. Maybe they started out doing the job because of their love for the students but somewhere along the way either they lost their ability or they lost their drive. I know that we are not the first family to have issues with this staff person. Hopefully nobody will ever have these issues again.

Obviously, for the purposes of privacy, both Angela's and the teachers, I cannot give all the details, but I can tell you the issues of IEP non-compliance are very serious. But, I will say this again, please, particularly if your student is in this program, follow up on you're child's IEP. Also, if you have friends with students in the program, it wouldn't be a bad idea to compare their IEP's and make sure they're not "cookie cutter" in appearance. Remember these are "Individualized Education Plans" which means they should reflect each individual child, not every child enrolled in one particular program.

NDSC 40th Annual Convention

2011-10-20T10:17:00.001-05:00

The National Down Syndrome Congress (NDSC) 40th Annual National Convention will be held in Washington, D.C. in July 2012, and I can't wait!!!!

The last time I went to the conference was when Angela was 9 and it was in Atlanta, GA. It was too hot for her there!!! Then we had to skip a couple of years. Then next year we would have been able to go it was held in Orlando. Ummm..Orlando in July for this young lady who doesn't sweat is not a good mix. Last year was San Antonio, TX and we didn't go for the same reason, plus Axel was in his halo and would have been miserable. And while there was lots of water, etc. he couldn't do water with the halo. But this year? WE ARE GOING!!!!!! Angela will be 16 and hanging out and making friends with the other young adults and Axel will be hanging with us! ;-)

Oh, I cannot wait. Now, to save money for flights and conference registration. And in D.C, our nation's capital where I've always wanted to take a look around!

Amazing

2011-10-18T22:40:00.004-05:00

Amazing is the word I often use to describe our God. I cannot count how many times I have watched Him do miracles in the adoption world in the name of these children.

Do you see Little P's chip-in up there? Do you see that the total amount we're trying to raise has been reduced by $500? Thank you to the anonymous contributor, and thank you everyone who has contributed so far. Little P. is nearly $1,000 closer to coming home!

Now, if we can get 34 people to each contribute $5....that's just one coffee at Starbucks....I can give away this little guy

plus Signing Time's "Everyday Signs".

Let me tell you about school

2011-10-18T00:15:00.000-05:00

There are times when it's not good to piss off a parent. I am going to try to watch my tone, but I will admit, I am a very angry parent right now. And, let me remind everyone reading, this is my blog. It is like I have allowed you into my living room. If you don't care for my attitude, you don't need to stay. If it so happens that you feel the need to print out portions of my post to hand out to attendees at certain meetings, please make sure you print out the post in it's entirety so people at least have my words in the context in which they were intended. Just say'in.....

Now, I am going to have to backtrack a bit. All the way back to last spring and Angela's transition meeting from middle to high school. All the 8th graders were registering for their freshman classes, and I needed to register Angela for hers as well, which I did. So up comes the meeting and I am told by the high school DCD staff that we "don't know what Angela's schedule will look like next year so we don't know what classes she'll be able to register for." This did not make sense to me at the time, but what did I know? In my mind, a parent who has had four other high school students, her schedule would look like what I had registered her for. No? Never once during that meeting were the words, "Work Experience Program" uttered.

You see, they didn't "know what her schedule would look like" because they had every intention of Angela being in the Work Experience Program (i.e.; job and life skills class, with very limited academic time in her day.) Nobody ever said anything about the program, or that they needed her mainstream classes to fit AROUND that program, not the other way around. When the proposed IEP came I didn't sign it, because it was fine, with no changes needed. I often don't sign, knowing after x number of days the IEP goes into effect. (however, I WILL, and have signed that I do not agree when I see something I don't agree with!) The IEP was in line with Angela's transition assessment results. The modifications and supports were in place, the service minutes appropriate, etc.

Before school even started this year there were issues. Somewhere around the first or second week of school I asked why my child was playing Wii at school several times per week.

I also asked a very important question. "Why is my child in a program I didn't agree to?" In fact, I've asked that question a lot of times both in writing and on the phone, to district staff at several levels. There has never been an answer given.

The end of September an IEP meeting was held. I brought up several areas of non-compliance of Angela's IEP. Modifications and supports that at that point, four weeks into school, had not yet been put into place. The majority of the meeting time was spent discussing the Work Experience program, as the DCD staff from Angela's school spent a great deal of time and energy justifying to me why this program was so wonderful, the great things they do in there, etc. Yet nobody could answer the question, "But where is the individualized part of this education? It seems you have this program that has clearly been in place for some time, and it seems as if it is expected that all the students in the DCD program participate. How is this an individualized education, and where does it meet MY child's goals and objectives?" That question was never answered, and finally at some point I stopped listening. They weren't hearing me, so I stopped hearing them.

Now let me get picky a bit....

Spelling: Angela has been in school for 7 weeks, 6 of which spelling lists have supposedly been assigned. I have seen ONE. One measly spelling list. I asked, oh...three or four times, why no spelling lists? Finally, last week I was given an answer for the very first time. "Spelling lists are issued every week. We expect the students to be independent." I was told last week, "If you could be a mouse in the corner with Angela during her school day, you would see a young lady who is learning each and every day to be more independent along with the other freshman and doing a stellar job with everything she does." Ok, well clearly Angela is being given more independence than she is able to handle since she's not bringing anything home and I have practically had to YELL that she's not, and STILL nothing comes home!!!!

Vocabulary: All the freshman are required to purchase a vocabulary book at the beginning of the year. I can only assume that they're assigned words at various intervals (weekly?) I did not purchase that vocabulary book for Angela, assuming that she would have a different list since she's clearly not at that level. I have yet to see a single vocabulary word.

From 1st through 8th grade, Angela has used a planner. For the past two years, she has written the information herself, and an adult has written a translation underneath since Angela is not really able to write legibly. At the high school level, all freshman are required to purchase a planner, and I purchased one for Angela. Apparently none of the DCD students in her school use one since the DCD staff is clueless as to what a planner is to be used for. It to inform them it is NOT a communication notebook! It is for ANGELA (with the assistance of an adult) to write down what she is supposed to be doing each day! Not for the adults to write things like, "Angela had a great day!" Ummm this his high school. I would assume Angela had a great day, and if she didn't the planner isn't the place to be writing it!

So lets go back to that Work Experience program, where Angela spends a significant portion of her day. A program that I never approved. That I have asked, time and again, "Why is she there?" Keep in mind that when a student is in a program such as this, the goals and objectives listed on their IEP are being worked on within the program.

Today I received a phone call from Angela's DCD teacher/case manager. It has just now....week 7 of school...come to her case manager's attention that the service minutes for the Work Experience program are not on Angela's IEP.

For those familiar with the world of special education, you may now pick your chin up off the floor.

If you're not familiar with special education this means, in the most very basic terms, that for all the hours each week Angela is in that program the district is in non-compliance with her IEP. Like if you sent your 5th grader on the first day of school, and he was coming home with work that didn't seem right. You keep asking questions, because you think maybe they might have put him in the wrong class. But on the 7th week of school they call and say, "Oops, we accidentally sent him to 4th grade all these weeks!" It is very much against special education law.

So, what exactly HAVE they been doing with Angela for the last 6+ weeks of school? What goals and objectives have they been working on since they clearly hadn't even LOOKED at Angela's IEP to see that HERS DON'T MATCH?????

Let me tell you something. I have been around the block a time or two. Several years ago I was working in another district where Angela was also a student. It was brought to my attention there were issues with Angela being pulled out of class at inappropriate times that the classroom teacher knew didn't match the IEP. After a long, drawn out mess, a complaint was filed with the Department of Education and an audit was conducted. Not only was Angela's IEP pulled, but they also pulled a certain percentage of random IEP's of other students, which based on those findings, turned into the state pulling ALL the IEPs in the district. It just so happened that every student's IEP within one specific program at the district's elementary level was nearly identical. For those not familiar with this process, this would be like everyone having the exact same dosage of insulin at all times. It doesn't work, and in the case of Special Education and IEP's it is illegal. I can only guess that someone this year in Angela's school assumed her goals and objectives were the same as everyone else's. Why would that assumption have been made?

I do not want to send Angela back to this classroom. After raising my concerns time and time again, the case manager still did not see to it the district was in compliance with my child's IEP. To me it is clear she is not able to meet the needs of my child, and the trust I am supposed to have for my child's teacher is gone. Well, let's be honest, it was shaky since the first day of school. I'm one to trust my gut, and I've had questions from day one. The first week of school I told Dean I wanted to move and I started looking at houses in a different district. I didn't feel I have the stamina for this. Angela has four years of high school and Axel is coming up right behind her, not to mention whatever other child we bring home this year. I HAVE to trust the staff in the school we're in. Right now, I have no trust what so ever.

But you know what? I know too many other parents who HAVE moved out of the district for this very reason, and they warned me. I prayed. I hoped they were wrong, and that by the time we got up here the issues would have resolved themselves. But I'm beginning to see a pattern in my life. The staff at this school does not know me. They have no idea that God gave me the tenacity to take on corruption in international adoption and travel to the other side of the world...repeatedly......even under threat of physical harm....so that others don't have to go through the same thing I did. They have no idea that in the late 80's God placed my 22 year old self at a podium in the Rotunda of the MN State Capital where I spoke before hundreds on behalf of those with developmental disabilities and the ADA so that the children I didn't know I was going to have would have a future.

I fought for that future, for inclusion for my children, way back in the '80s. I'm not going to give it up that easily. I stated in a recent email to school staff, "It seems to us that inclusion is not a priority at ***. Perhaps some mainstreaming of certain classes, but "mainstreaming" and "inclusion" are two very different things. What I'm seeing, and what has been explained to me, is a very good description of segregation, and it's not what I want for my child. She is not going to spend her adult life secluded in a room full of students who have various disabilities. I don't mean this as an offensive statement, but one of fact. Angela has a broad spectrum of peers, both with and without disabilities. Angela is also a minority, which means she's going to need to function in a community where the majority of those around her are non-disabled. She will not be successful if her entire high school career is spent in a self-contained classroom......Her typical peers don't know her. They know who she is and are willing to say hello to her in the halls our if they see her out in the community, but they have no idea who she is."

Look back with me

2011-10-16T20:21:00.000-05:00

In April 2010 I traveled to Serbia, knowing my life would be changed, but not really knowing how. As the words of the song so adequately say, "I saw what I saw and I can't forget it..."

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
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I vowed to not let anyone, certainly my blog readers, forget these children are out there. I don't know of anyone advocating for the fatherless of Serbia to find families. People, there are many. I have personally 50 or so, and seen hundreds. HUNDREDS. But because Serbia's laws are different than the laws of other countries. Posting pictures of Serbian children on photo listing sites is illegal. I guess that means they're not worthy of advocating for. Maybe it's really because there is no money to be made since their pictures cannot be listed. Even families who have already adopted from Serbia are silent.

My heart aches for the children of Serbia. I will have more posts about the issue coming soon. I've been working on them for awhile, my life is just very busy with school, my kids, and life in general. In the meantime, there is one Serbian child you can help RIGHT NOW. Little P.

I can tell you that Little P. sleeps in one of the many rooms in the orphanage that are identical to this

I can tell you that he eats his meals in at a little table in a hallway. See them? Way down at the end of the hall? Between 8-15 children sit around those tables, eating a rushed meal, hurried along by caregivers who have other things to do.

Their food is put before them already prepared, already portioned. The children never see a kitchen; never see where food is kept or prepared. They don't see a refrigerator full of food. There is no such thing as a "grocery store" in their vocabulary. They've never seen such a thing.

I am incredibly grateful for the funds received Little P. so far. In fact, the little bear has found his way to a new windowsill! Sadly, we're still far behind our goal....35 contributors away from my being able to give away another figurine. Will he find a new home?? I know he will, because God is bigger than this, and I know He intends to get P. home, and we....all of us who are reading these words right now...You....You who feel as if you want to turn away and let someone else worry about these kids because you don't have time...... you, me, we are all conduits to getting Little P. home.

Axel's phrase of the day

2011-10-15T23:10:00.000-05:00

Have I mentioned Axel's language is exploding? Every day he comes up with something that either blows us away or totally cracks us up. Sometimes both simultaneously. LOL

I should put a key at the top of my blog, something like anything in conversations that is in "..." is spoken and anything italicized is signed, because our conversations around here are quite mixed!

Today we had just arrived home from the pumpkin patch. I flopped on one couch, Dean on another, and Axel on the recliner, which is kind of turned away from where I was sitting so to look at me Axel had to turn in the chair.

(picture Axel, hanging over the arm of the chair.) "Mom."

"Yes Axel."

fart ....(insert long pause while he thinks hard)...... need bathroom

"Well, then you'd better go!"

Ok, this was one of those "crack us up AND blow us away" things. First of all, the sign he used for "fart" is not one I've taught him. We use a different sign, so this is one he brought home from school. Second, he signed, "NEED bathroom." Now, I have asked him before, "What do you need?" or "Do you need to go to the bathroom?" but I've not modeled a sentence such as, "I need bathroom", so he learned that at school. Third, this just plain CRACKED US UP for obvious reasons!