Blogging about life in Minnesota, raising our six kids with Down syndrome while battling Breast Cancer.

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the devil says, "Oh shit! She's up!"

Friday, May 29, 2015

Where did the time go?

A couple years ago I had a dream. One of those very vivid dreams when you wake up and can't believe it wasn't real. In my dream I was holding my son Noah in my lap. He was a toddler, wearing my favorite outfit I loved dressing him in at the time. I could smell his hair, feel his weight in my lap, feel his tiny hand on my face. I woke from the dream sobbing tears of anguish. I wanted the time back. I wanted my baby boy back in my lap where I could hold him and keep him safe. I worried this dream was some warning or premonition that something terrible had or was going to happen. I sat at the dining room table and closed my eyes and I could still feel all of it. It was several days before the sensation was gone.

Last night I had the same dream, only this time it was about Angela. I could feel her fuzzy hair on my cheek, her hand on my ear, pinching the lobe as she liked to do. My heart ached to go back in time. When I awoke I realized the purpose of the dream. It reminded me to cherish the times I have with my children.

...to pay attention to the little things.

...the feel of them in my lap.

...their hands on my face.

...the light in their eyes.

...the sound of their laughter.

Next week Angela, my biological baby, will graduate from high school. Some of you have been reading here since the beginning. For 10 years I've been telling you the story of Angela's life. I look back at it all...the good, the bad, the difficult, the tears, the triumphs, the smiles, and I am happy.

I can't say I'm sad to see Angela's high school years come to an end. I no longer have to fight for her to be included. I no longer have to worry if people are nice to her in school. There have been many wonderful things about high school too, and Angela really liked it there. That's the most important part, right? That she liked it?

My darling daughter. My tomboy princess. Thank you for teaching me so much over the past 19 years.


Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Little Girl at the Piano

Four years ago, my friend Hope Anne and I became very close phone friends as she prepared to travel to Ukraine to adopt her new daughter Katya. Let me tell you a bit about Katya.

Katya was born in Ukraine with a skull that was badly misshapen and in need of surgical reconstruction, not only for cosmetic reasons, but because her brain did not have room to grow. This early fusion of her skull plates caused Katya to suffer chronic, migraine level headaches. Luckily for Katya, she was living in a Ukrainian orphanage where she was severely neglected and malnourished. Since she wasn't growing neither was her brain. Luckily for Katya, she wasn't having headaches yet. Well at least not that anyone knew.

Because Katya was severely neglected and malnourished, and because the orphanage staff didn't actually talk to her, Katya never developed language. She didn't have the ability to tell anyone if her head hurt or not.

Luckily for Katya, she didn't really need language. Not only was she severely neglected and malnourished, but when she was adopted at the age of six, there was no such thing as "school" for her. She had never had even a tiny bit of exposure to anything educational. Katya had never seen a crayon, held a pen or pencil, or been handed a book. 

Because she was severely malnourished and neglected, Katya was often the victim of assaults by the other orphan children who, though malnourished themselves, were much bigger than her. Survival of the fittest is something children who live in orphanages know well, and Katya was anything but fit. 

Katya lived in a primal fight or flight mode. Without language her only way to communicate was through screaming, scratching, hitting or kicking. She wasn't a pleasant child to be around and the caregivers frequently bullied her for no reason other than to release their frustrations. Never loved and certainly never cared for, when her family arrived to adopt her Katya had no idea how to sit in a person's lap, much less accept love and affection.

Katya was a feral child. 

Katya screamed, and screamed and screamed some more. She kicked, scratched, choked and bit. Katya fought for her life. She fought the family who promised to love her and care for her no matter what. Like a wild animal confined to a cage for years on end, Katya paced back and forth in her new home. Home one year when I first met her, Katya was still pacing. She was still screaming. She was still learning what it meant to be loved. She was still learning to feel love, and she was afraid of it.

I want you to understand the sacrifices an adoptive family makes when they choose to love a child like Katya, because I can tell you from experience, this is not a "love at first sight" type of adoption. When a family adopts a feral child, the family has to choose to love the child. They choose to accept scratches instead of hugs. They choose to confine themselves to home for weeks on end, all for the child who has never had exposure to the outside world and isn't yet ready to experience it. They to choose to listen to hours and hours of screaming, keening, and crying. The family chooses to watch their home be destroyed item by item as the child learns to function in the world. The family chooses to put the value of a child above the value of possessions, vacations, popularity or community status.

I want you to understand that a family adopts a feral child because they understand the child has value even when nobody else can see it. Even when the rest of society asks, "But why is this my responsibility?"

But as much as I want you to understand, I want you to see. Something so simple. Something so pure and innocent as a little girl having her very first piano recital at 10 years old. Four years of love and sacrifice. It is only a few short notes. Turn the volume up on your speakers and you may hear a tiny, shaky voice trying to sing along with those few short notes. Remember that these few short notes are possible because of all the sacrifices made by one family. But my favorite part of all the smile of pride as she runs back to her seat. 

Pride. Sacrifice. Joy. Patience. Acceptance. Choice. Love. Katya.
video

If you would like to read more about Katya and her family, her mom Hope Anne blogs at Welcome Home Katya.

Sunday, May 17, 2015

The Big Switch…take two!

When we brought Abel home two years ago, we had all the boys in the second bedroom and Angela was still in the basement bedroom. Some of you have been reading here a long time and remember that as the Pirate Room. Unfortunately I wasn't happy with where everyone was and  "The Big Switch" happened, and everyone moved to different rooms! When we brought Audrey home last year it was very easy to move her into Angela's room. Because we use the Ikea Kura beds, we had only to flip the bed over to make it into a bunk bed. Easy peasy! Eventually Dean and I even got used to sleeping in a queen bed in the very small bedroom. Ok, maybe not the small bedroom part.

But then a couple weeks ago we decided we need a different house for our family. We would like to be able to provide short term respite for adoptive families who need a break, plus the property where we live now just isn't working well for us as a family of 7. Plus we have Angela's graduation party coming up and I just wanted things cleaned up a bit.

And so "The Big Switch Back" has started! 

Getting the rooms cleaned out and moved around to put the house on the market, in addition to all the school activities for the kids, after school sports, doctors and therapy appointments means I have been one busy mom. While I've been doing that stuff, Dean, Tyler and Bryon have been working on the maintenance projects. Why is it these kinds of things don't seem to get done until you decide to sell your house? Or have a graduation party for your oldest daughter? And where does all this STUFF come from?

Apparently we are hoarders because tucked away into every corner of this house there is more crap than I ever could have imagined. A couple months ago I read the book, "Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, the Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing". If you haven't read this book yet, I highly recommend it. The premise of the book is about only keeping things which bring you joy. It is not about what to get rid of, but about what to keep. When I read it the first time I got anxious thinking about all the stuff in my house that did not bring me joy and how I couldn't wait to get rid of it all. So, as I purge the house for moving I am following this method and only keeping things which are necessary and/or bring me joy.

How about you? Are you ready for a purge? Have you read the book or are you interested in it? 


Friday, May 08, 2015

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms reading!

There are probably some new readers here who have come from the Pioneer Press article about our family. Let me give you a little tour:

Some are curious about life juggling kids and cancer. You can read all posts related to breast Cancer by clicking on the Breast cancer label in the left sidebar.

If you're hete to learn about our adoptions, or the Serbian adoption process, you will want to move over to our adoption blog.

Thanks again for paying us a visit here. I hope you stay awhile! 

Sunday, May 03, 2015

Decisions



Dean and I recently made a really big decision. Although I am very excited about the possibilities ahead of us, the work involved may cause me to have a nervous breakdown! If only I could put our lives on hold for the next month or two.

We're hoping to have the house on the market by June 1st. You know, in the midst of Angela's graduation week and all that goes with it. We need a different space but are not going far. We don't want to change any of the kids' schools. Although we haven't found a new house yet, I have absolutely fallen in love with one I think is perfect for us. I love the space, the lot, the location, the kitchen, the bedrooms….everything… It makes me giddy thinking about it. But we can't even make an offer on anything until June 1st. And, well there is this small problem with Dean's opinion of it. We'll see if its even still on the market at the end of the month.